


Fighting Through the Darkness

by Salander7



Category: Amar a Muerte (TV), Juliantina - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Eventual Smut, F/F, Flirting, Fluff, No Angst, No depiction of actual abuse, Self-Defense, Seriously a lot of fluff and soft love, Slow Romance, Women Supporting Women, reference to domestic abuse, single mom
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2020-08-19 14:29:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 63,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20211295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salander7/pseuds/Salander7
Summary: AU. Juliana is a single mom who left an abusive ex to start over in Mexico City with her 7 year old daughter, Mariana. In search of confidence and sense of control, Juliana meets Valentina, a strong and beautiful self-defense instructor.Reference to past domestic abuse and its lingering psychological effects; no depiction or scenes of actual abuse. Primarily written in English with Spanish words and phrases sprinkled throughout.





	1. Moving through the past

Juliana sat with her coffee and mental list of chores on a lazy Saturday morning, thinking about the laundry that needed to get done, the shifts she would work this week, the bills, the past, the future, everything and nothing when Mariana came bounding up to her, snapping her back to the present. “Mami, do you want to play with me?” Mariana excitedly asked while holding out her handful of tiny Playmobil people figures. “You can be any person you’d like and we can go on an adventure!”

Juliana smiled brightly at her daughter and surveyed the options, settling on a brown-skinned female figure dressed in pirate clothing. “This one. She looks strong and ready to lead us on our treasure hunt,” she said with a wink to her daughter. Mariana giggled. “She looks like you, mami! Ok - I’ll be this boy and this will be their boat!” Mariana eagerly began constructing a mini world with Juliana looking on, marveling at her daughter’s creativity at every turn. The game derailed, however, when Juliana’s figure accidentally knocked over a structure. Mariana made her character respond by screaming at Juliana’s figure: “You really are stupid, aren’t you?!” and proceeded to have the figure kick Juliana’s.

“Woah, Mariana! It was an accident; why would the boy get so mad at the girl? And you know it’s never ok to hit someone, even in play.” Juliana furrowed her brow and searched her daughter’s face for further explanation. Mariana looked up at her mom and said with the plainness only small children can, “But that’s how daddy would react whenever you had an accident, or that time I spilled my milk.”

For Juliana, it was as if the air left the room and she had to remind herself to breathe. Juliana grabbed her beautiful girl in her arms and breathed deeply as she fought back tears forming in her eyes. “Ya mija. It is never ok to speak to people like that. Especially not to the people we love and care about. We are away from daddy now because he did not know how to express his emotions without hurting everyone around him. No one deserves that, especially not you.” Mariana nodded and hugged her mami back tighter. “In our family, it’s ok to spill. It’s ok to have accidents. It’s ok to get mad or be sad, but it’s never acceptable to hit or scream at each other just because we’re feeling those big feelings. And in our imaginary family, the same rules apply, ok?” Juliana smiled and nuzzled her daughter. “Ok, mami. I love you, and he says he’s sorry, too,” she said, pointing at the figure. “Te quiero mucho, mi vida...and you are forgiven, Señor,” Juliana replied with a playful nod to the figure.

After putting Mariana to sleep that night, Juliana thought a lot about the days events. She thought of her daughter’s caramel skin and sparkling, chestnut eyes. Of how Mariana looked like her but also so much, too much, like her abusive father. How much had her daughter absorbed in her young life before they left a year ago? How irreparable was the damage? Mariana saw a counselor for some time after the move away from Texas and, after the initial months, they said she was actually doing great and seemed to be adjusting smoothly to life in Mexico City. Juliana agreed that Mariana was flourishing; she seemed to understand why they had to leave her home and father behind, and rarely brought up things like what manifested today. Maybe she had spared her from the worst of it, after all.

Juliana, on the other hand, still struggled. She still jumped at the sound of heavy things falling or car doors slamming. She resented the flinching response she had to anyone coming remotely close to her face, even when they were simply brushing debris from her shirt collar or talking animatedly. She hated the spiked pulse rate that hit her after hearing sudden screams, even happy ones like those that would randomly erupt from her joyful seven year old. Juliana was often frustrated by her own body’s fight or flight response betraying her.

Juliana picked up her journal with notes from her therapist and remembered their discussion on finding a new activity to help instill confidence and a feeling of control of her life. At this, Juliana grabbed her laptop and decided to research local martial arts classes. Most looked intimidating and male-dominated, which was not exactly what she needed at the moment. After some searching, she found one that caught her attention: it had both children’s karate and self-defense classes for adults, all taught by women. And judging by the photos on the website, all really beautiful, fit women, which was slightly intimidating in a different way. Putting her insecurities aside, she signed herself and Mariana up for a free trial class the next day. She put away her computer and locked up the house for the night, realizing that even the simple act of submitting that class registration form made her feel a little more in control. Something like moving forward. Maybe even like a new beginning.


	2. Baby, a bruise is only your body trying to keep you intact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juliana meets her new martial arts instructor, Valentina, and is confronted with some of her own insecurities at her first self-defense class.
> 
> Chapter title from MUNA's "I Know a Place."

Juliana and Mariana walked into the brightly lit martial arts studio holding hands where they were greeted by a bubbly woman. “Hi! Welcome to La Guerrera! Is this your first time here?”

Juliana was slightly taken aback by the level of enthusiasm this high ponytail in a sports bra was offering so early on a Sunday morning, but she responded kindly, “Hi, yes, we signed up for the free intro class...This is Mariana and I’m Juliana.”

“Ok, great! We have you right here - Mariana can follow Lucia to the other kids down the hall and I’ll take you to Valentina’s class in the next room. She’ll meet you back here afterwards and we’ll see what you both think!” the energetic blonde replied.

Juliana hugged her little one who bravely marched forward to the new class and strange faces, and followed the receptionist. Juliana was feeling a little apprehensive having never taken a class like this before and tried to channel some of her 7-year-old’s confidence. She was a bit lost in her thoughts when they walked into the studio that held a brown-haired woman stretching at the front of the room. The woman wore a criss-crossed crop top and white yoga pants that looked like they were painted on her toned frame. “Valentina! This is a new student, Juliana, who is trying out your class for the first time today!” the receptionist exclaimed. Valentina turned, swinging her long, high ponytail around (maybe this was a dress code in this studio? Juliana quickly thought to herself) and greeted Juliana with a wide smile. “Hey Juliana, I’m Valentina. Bienvenidos a La Guerrera,” she said as she extended her hand. Juliana locked on this woman’s crystal blue eyes and met her hand in greeting. She found herself staring a beat too long and rapidly stuttered out, “Uh.. yeah, hola I’m Juliana Valdes here for your class i’venevertakenaclasslikethisbefore.”

Val laughed lightly and replied “well, that’s perfectly fine, _Juliana Valdes,_" Valentina teased. "I’m here to teach you, but we’ll go at your pace. And at any point if you feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable, you just tell me and we’ll dial it back. How does that sound?” Juliana realized they were still connected in a hand shake and quickly withdrew her hand, which felt overly warm for some reason. “That sounds great. Nice to meet you, Valentina,” Juliana smiled back.

A few other women trickled in to the class, all of whom Valentina welcomed with hugs and bright smiles. After a few minutes, Valentina took to the front of the room and began, “Ok, today we have a new visitor, Juliana, so we’re going to partner up and introduce her to some of the basics.” Valentina proceeded to pair up the women and walked over to Juliana. “You’ll be working with me today so I can show you the right techniques. Ok?” Juliana nodded quickly and whispered “ok” while Valentina continued to explain and demonstrate to the class the moves they were to practice.

Juliana admired Valentina’s physique as she spoke; she traced her defined arms and toned back with her eyes and was continuing downwards when Valentina turned around to face Juliana. Before Valentina could start to speak, Juliana blurted out, “How long have you been working out? You look amazing...and really strong.” Valentina laughed and replied, “thank you. I’ve been a fitness instructor for 5 years now, but I really developed my strength after starting to teach this class a couple years back.” Valentina continued with her gentle gaze settling straight into Juliana’s eyes, “I realized there were so many women who truly didn’t know the strength their bodies possessed, and what their bodies are capable of. I am incredibly inspired by so many women and I wanted to be an inspiration to those who needed it, in return.”

Juliana felt so comforted by this woman’s seemingly genuine nature and was taken with her calm confidence. “That’s awesome. I… I want to be stronger,” she replied softly. “I mean, I’m trying to get in shape and also wouldn’t mind knowing some self-defense in the process.”

“Well, you certainly came to the right place. How about we practice those moves I just showed the class and take it from there?” Valentina continued. Juliana nodded. “Ok, we’re first going to practice how to escape a grab from behind. So, I’ll need you to grab me from behind my back and I’ll walk you through what I’m going to do to disable you and escape.” Valentina turned and Juliana awkwardly encircled her arms around Valentina’s biceps from behind. “Great. First, you should immediately step on their foot and elbow them in the side as hard as you can. If you are able to get away at that point, you would run. If not, you should then try to hit their nose with your fist or knee them in the groin.” As she explained this, she mimicked the moves in slow motion against Juliana. Juliana was watching intently but flinched when Valentina got close to her face. She couldn’t help cower slightly and take a step back away from the tall woman. “Hey - I’m sorry,” Valentina said quickly “I’m not really going to touch you at all… are you ok to keep going?” Valentina asked hesitantly.

“Yeah. Yes. Sorry, I’m good,” Juliana replied. “Ok. How about you try it now? Let’s start slow and we’ll speed it up after,” Valentina said as she switched places with Juliana. Valentina grabbed Juliana from behind, locking her arms around Juliana’s biceps in a tight hold. Juliana felt the panic build in her chest, of being held captive and unable to breath correctly. She squirmed, initially forgetting everything Valentina just showed her, until she heard a sweet voice whisper in her ear, “Juliana - it’s ok. Breathe.” Valentina loosened her grip slightly and waited a moment before continuing. “This is just pretend. We can stop any time. But, you can get out of this. Let’s take it one step at a time. Take your left foot and step on my foot.” Juliana breathed out and stepped on Valentina’s foot. “Good. Now elbow me in the side with your left elbow. When you do it, twist your body and exhale into the hit for power.” Juliana did as she was told, although she snapped and hit her partner too hard. Valentina quickly dropped her arms to grab her stomach and rasped “yep, just like that!”

Juliana immediately rushed to Valentina and put her hand on the woman’s side, “Ay dios, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to use so much force!” Valentina’s bare torso tingled where Juliana pressed her hand and she looked up to meet the chocolate eyes in front of her. “It’s ok...it just means you really put yourself into that hit.” Valentina took a deep, healing breath. “I like the energy,” she smiled. For the second time today, Juliana found herself a bit lost in this woman’s eyes and in contact with her skin. She blushed when she realized it and removed her hand from Valentina’s abs. She looked down at the floor. “I.. uh.. Thanks. I don’t react well to people grabbing me and I think I sort of panicked…”

Valentina’s eyes softened and she replied, “Juliana, look at me.” Juliana lifted her gaze. “No one should react well to being grabbed or touched against their will. I’ll make sure you learn how to make that hit even more forceful and simply trust that you can take care of yourself if the situation ever calls for it.” Juliana gave a side smile. “I’ll just be sure to wear some protective layers ahead of the next class,” Valentina added with a wink. ‘More layers would be a shame,’ Juliana thought, surprising herself as she felt her body warm. ‘What the hell is wrong with you, Juliana?’ She thought to herself as she shook her head slightly. She laughed awkwardly and said “Yeah, ok. Sounds good.”

When the class ended, Juliana walked up to Valentina. “Thanks for intro, Valentina. I have to grab my daughter from the class next door, but I’ll plan to join you for your next class.” “Oh, you have a daughter? How old is she?” Valentina asked. “I do - Mariana, she’s 7,” Juliana replied. “She’s a pistol and a gem.” “Hmm. Just like her mama,” Valentina said, lifting her eyebrow with a bright smile. “I hope she enjoyed the class. Lucia is great and karate really brings a lot of confidence into kids’ lives. I look forward to seeing you next time, Juliana.” Juliana returned a toothy grin and a wave. “Yeah, nice meeting you, Valentina,” Juliana replied. She stayed rooted to her spot as she watched the taller woman saunter away, with a tilt to her head and one of her nails to her teeth, a subconscious habit she developed over years of fiddling with anxious thoughts. She turned back to the reception area and promptly asked the blonde at the desk, “so, when’s her next class?”


	3. Perfect timing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things move forward as Juliana and Valentina find themselves falling all over each other (literally).

After officially signing herself up for the next 2 months of classes, Juliana was greeted by a bouncing Mariana. “Mami mami, guess what I learned in class today?!” “Dime, querida,” Juliana returned the excitement. “I learned how to punch like this!” Mariana said, as she whacked the air around her, “and also that we have to bow and say good morning and goodbye EVERY time we enter and exit the room. Can you believe that? Every time!” Juliana laughed, “Wow! So, I take it you enjoyed the class. Would you like to come back?” Mariana’s eyes lit up as she replied, “Yes! Definitely! And Ms. Lucia is SO nice and also a really good fighter. She flipped the helper, Eva, over her shoulder in a demstratoron...demanastrator?” 

“Demonstration?” Juliana interrupted to help out her little one. “Yeah! Demonstration! It was really cool,” Mariana gushed. “Ay que bueno, mi amor. I’m so glad you enjoyed it.” Lucia came into the lobby and smiled broadly at them both, “it was so great to have you in class today, Mariana. Next class we’ll get you your white belt and proper outfit to get you started!” 

Walking home, Juliana felt more energized than she had in a long time. She felt good about being active again, about learning new things. She felt embarrassed, however, about hitting Valentina and also slightly ashamed of the way she flinched during the practice-- as if that woman would ever hurt her. Juliana reflected more on how she felt at other points during the class, like how it felt to be around a group of supportive women, all pushing each other without judgment or shaming. She was sad to realize she’d never really experienced an environment like that before. Or how safe she felt with Valentina’s arms loosely held around her, comforted by the blue-eyed woman’s whispered reminders that she was indeed capable of mastering that situation. 

_ ‘She’s really good at her job,’ _ Juliana thought to herself. _ ‘And looks amazing doing it.’ _ Juliana rolled her eyes at herself; she didn’t really understand why she was so fixated on Valentina’s body. She assumed it was because _ she _ wanted to look like that. Because of course she wanted to be in better shape, with a body that not only _ looked _ like they could fight back, but could actually make a dent when needed...with a physique that effectively screamed for itself: ‘you won’t even think about hitting me again because I’ll make you regret it.’ Maybe, Juliana thought, if she looked like that and felt like that and said those words, things would have been different. Maybe if she was better, stronger, maybe she would have left sooner, protected her daughter better, maybe…. She shook her head and pushed her self-doubts away knowing that playing the ‘what if’ game was never a good way to spend the afternoon.

\----------

Juliana went back to Valentina’s class twice a week for the next two weeks. She found herself making friends with the other women in the class, letting her walls down a little more each time. Especially with Valentina; that woman had this infectious energy about her. At one class, Valentina came bounding into the studio all smiles and squeals because of a new playlist she made for the group. Juliana remembered the uncontrollable smile that spread across her face after simply witnessing the joy Valentina swept into the room with her.

Juliana also noticed that every class brought a new sense of confidence as she felt her muscles engaged from the weekly workouts and increased fluency with the moves. Tonight’s class was no different. They just finished their circuit training portion of the class and Juliana was massaging her arms, weak from the repetitions, when Valentina addressed the class. “That was awesome, ladies. Before we finish for the week, I want to introduce you to a new move that we’ll perfect next class. This is an important one that will involve us getting in close physical proximity to our partners. The key to practicing this one will be communication and trust, so I want you all to remember that we’re here to learn and help one another grow.” Valentina spoke with such earnestness that it was hard not to go along with anything she asked of you, really. 

“Ok!” she clapped her hands, “I’ll need a volunteer to demonstrate the hold. Any takers?” The tired class was pretty motionless; Juliana, feeling particularly confident that day, offered herself up. “I’ll do it.” Valentina beamed. “Great. Come on up, Juls. And thanks,” Valentina finished, connecting her warm eyes with Juliana’s.

Juliana walked up to the mat where Valentina was standing where she awaited further instructions. “Ok. I’m going to show you how to escape a situation in which you are lying down and your attacker is on top of you. I hope none of you ever find yourself in this position, but I want to provide you with tools to do your best if it ever is to happen. To start, I’ll lie down on my back and Juliana, you should kneel between my legs and put one arm on either side of my head near my shoulders.” Valentina laid down on the mat and Juliana worked to get into position. 

Valentina continued, “In this scenario, you need to do your best to immediately push against the attacker’s chest with firm, locked arms. Afterwards, you’ll work on a maneuver to get out from underneath them and disable them enough for you to get away to safety.” Valentina quickly performed the move and escaped from Juliana’s admittedly weak stance above Valentina. 

Juliana realized she was only half listening to what Valentina was saying, as she was more caught up in the sweat glistening on Valentina’s exposed abs and the flexing tendons in her neck. So when Valentina told the class to pair up and practice the move, Juliana was clueless as to why Valentina was staring at her, as if she were waiting for Juliana to do something. “Juliana…” she said more sharply, snapping the raven-haired woman from her trace, “do you want to practice the escape?...” “Oh.. yeah, sure. Ok.” Juliana laid down on the mat with her feet planted and knees up, buckled together. Valentina kneeled down in front of her and pried her knees apart slightly in order to slide in between them. “Is this ok?” Valentina softly questioned Juliana who was looking slightly alarmed. Or distracted? Valentina wasn’t sure.

Juliana suddenly found herself with a dry mouth and difficulty speaking, only paying attention to Valentina’s hands on her knees, gently sliding towards her thighs. “Yes, this is perfect. Er, I uh mean, yes. I’m good,” she said with a flush that she hoped was disguised by her already sweaty workout face. Valentina flashed a smile and said, “ok, good. You let me know if you feel uncomfortable at any point and we’ll stop.” Juliana nodded, her eyes darting quickly to Valentina’s parted, full lips before retraining on the blue eyes in front of her, “Thanks. But, really, I’m ready.” 

Valentina moved her body to hover on top of Juliana with her arms on either side of her head, just like they had practiced in the opposite roles a few minutes prior. “Ok, put your arms on my chest near my shoulders-- keep them locked and firmly push me back.” Juliana did as she was told, although her arms were pretty shaky at this point between the exhausting workout and whatever was going on in her head at the moment. “Great, now move your body the way I showed you bef--” but before Valentina could finish explaining, Juliana’s arms gave out and buckled underneath the weight of Valentina. In a split second, Valentina was lying flush against Juliana and, in contrast to Juliana’s panic-stricken face, she burst out laughing. “You know, if you wanted me on top of you, there are other ways to go about it,” Valentina teased. Juliana blushed a deeper shade of red as she held Val’s ocean eyes gaze. She pushed past the flitting _ ‘Is she flirting with me?’ _ thought to chuckle out, “Yeah, well..I..maybe need to practice that one a bit more.” Without making any move to remove herself from atop the dark-haired woman, Valentina instantly replied, “Well, I’d be happy to help you with it sometime… maybe outside of class?” Valentina’s eyes danced around Juliana’s face, and with a side smirk she continued, “and you know, if dinner was involved, I wouldn’t protest.” Juliana swallowed thickly and wondered if Valentina could feel the thump of her heart beating against her sternum. Juliana responded simply, “Yeah. I’d like that.” 

The two women suddenly remembered the position they were lying in as they noticed looks from some of the other class members. In the same moment Juliana became keenly aware of the heat radiating from Valentina’s body on top of her own, Valentina pushed herself off Juliana and got to her feet. Valentina cleared her throat and addressed the class with a smile, “Ok, I think that’s a wrap for tonight. Great work, ladies! Enjoy the weekend and I’ll see you next week.” 

She extended her hand to help Juliana up off the mat. “Val, I’m sorry about that...My arms were shaky from the killer set you put us through earlier; I think I chose the wrong time to volunteer.” Valentina shrugged her shoulders, “or the perfect time,” she replied, quickly connecting with Juliana’s deep brown eyes before looking away. Juliana bashfully pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and smiled to herself. 

In that moment, Mariana came into the studio with Lucia who addressed the women, “this little one had an amazing class today! Tell them what you did today, Mariana!” Mariana beamed, “mami, I broke a WOODEN board with MY HAND!” Juliana beamed back at her chiquita, “You did what?! That’s amazing! Is your hand broken? Dame tu mano,” she jokingly inspected the child’s hand. “Incredible, it looks perfect,” Juliana added. Lucia continued, smiling, “She also earned herself a yellow belt; she’s on her way to becoming a fierce ninja.” 

“That’s a big step, Mariana. Felicidades!” Valentina chimed in. “I’m Valentina. I teach adults like your mami, hopefully to be as strong as you are. Eventually.” Mariana smiled and sweetly replied, “Nice to meet you, Ms. Valentina.” Juliana smirked at the interaction between Mariana and Valentina. Feeling bold, Juliana continued, “Mari, Valentina might join us for dinner this weekend… would that be alright with you?” Valentina looked up at Juliana in slight surprise as Juliana continued, “if she’s free, that is.” Valentina waited for Mariana’s enthusiastic nod before responding, “that sounds great; thank you for the invitation.” She addressed Mariana directly and said, “under one condition - I bring dessert and it has to be your favorite.” Mariana giggled and unabashedly stated, “My favorite is chocolate mousse with whipped cream!” Valentina laughed, “I think that can be arranged.” “Mari, why don’t you go get changed and I’ll meet you out front in a few minutes?” Juliana asked of her daughter. “Ok mami,” Mariana answered as she skipped away. 

Valentina bounced slightly on her foot and bit her lower lip, “can I bring anything else? I didn’t mean for you to cook me dinner when I asked, you know.” “I know,” Juliana replied. “But I’m still getting to know people in this city - which includes babysitters - so I thought this would be an easier route...If you’re ok hanging out with a 7 year old, of course.” Valentina smiled, “Definitely. Mariana is adorable and sure knows what she wants. At least with dessert?” “Oh, with everything. She has strong opinions on most everything,” Juliana laughed and rolled her eyes, “Which is great, actually. I’m pretty lucky.” “I’m sure it’s not just luck, Juls,” Valentina replied stepping closer into Juliana’s space. “Little girls don’t just turn out amazing by chance; they usually learn it from the ‘big girls’ in their lives,” she said as she gently pushed aside an aberrant strand of hair from Juliana’s face. Juliana met Valentina’s stare and faltered at the flutter in her stomach from the taller woman’s touch; she willed herself to breathe in, smiled to the side and replied, “thanks, Val. I better go meet the firecracker now…what about you give me your number and I’ll text you our address?”

Valentina stared back at Juliana for a beat longer than necessary, to the point that Juliana started to think that she did something wrong by asking for her number. “Um, if that’s ok with you, I mean…” Juliana added. Valentina shook her head quickly and replied, “Yes - of course. It’s just been a really long time since anyone’s called me Val.” “Oh. It just came out, but I won’t-” Juliana didn’t get to finish her thought. “No - I like it,” Valentina added with a warm smile. She quickly recited her number and the two agreed on a time for Saturday. They said their quick goodbyes and parted ways. Valentina watched Juliana walk into the distance as she tried to process the excitement bubbling in her body. What was she doing with this (seemingly) straight woman? Was she really going to put herself through this - again? And she has a kid! She chewed on her lower lip and sighed into herself, ‘_ Ay, Valentina. _ ’ But, she couldn’t deny the looks they had been sharing these past two weeks nor the magnetic feeling in her gut whenever she was around la morena and her chocolate eyes. ‘ _ It’s just dinner. Right? _’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and commenting - what would you like to see in the future for these two in this AU? Always love hearing your thoughts.


	4. We could put the past away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentina goes over to Juliana's house for dinner where they both open up a bit about their pasts. Mariana continues to be adorable.  
\-----  
“I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once” - John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

Juliana was jittery and distracted as she tried to play board games with Mariana in the morning. At some point, she suggested Mariana watch a movie solely so she could have a minute to herself, to gather her thoughts and prepare for dinner that evening. Why did she feel nervous? It’s just dinner. In her home, with her daughter. But she it felt somewhat like an invasion of privacy; Juliana realized she hadn’t entertained any guests besides her mother in the year they’ve lived there. This was their safe space, the world they created and decorated in their favorite hues and children’s drawings. Photographs were sparse, but comforting: one of Juliana and Mariana laughing together from her 5th birthday; one of Lupe, Juliana’s mom, with Mariana when she was born; and a black and white shot of the Brooklyn Bridge in New York City, which Juliana looked at when she dreamed of all the places she’d like to see and all the things she’d still like to do. Otherwise, there wasn’t a lot to capture -- Juliana didn’t have much family, and God knows they didn’t need reminders of most of their past. Their place wasn’t large but it was cozy and it was theirs.

Juliana thought forward to dinner and about what she would prepare. She remembered Valentina mentioning offhand in a class about loving mole, so she decided to make enchiladas with options for mole and verde salsas. After preparing the majority of the meal and taking a quick shower, Juliana asked Mariana to help set the table for their dinner. “But can I just have one more--” “Mari, we talked about this. No more ‘just’ and ‘one mores’ when it’s time to be done. Come help set the table, please.” “Fineeee,” her daughter grunted as she stomped to the kitchen to grab the plates and utensils. Mariana diligently set the table and decided to make a decoration for the centerpiece out of some crafts supplies she had around the house. While she worked, Juliana finished getting herself ready. She didn’t feel the need to get dressed up - this was her house and it wasn’t quite a party, after all, but she also had a feeling of this being an occasion to mark as it had been so long since she opened her home to anyone. She opted for dark jeans and a knitted tank top and threw her hair up in a loose bun with well-placed dangling strands that framed her face. She added some accessories and even some quick eyeliner, and walked back out to the kitchen when Mariana noted her outfit. “Mami, you look different.” “Is that a good or bad different?” Juliana replied. “Good different - you look pretty! Is this a fancy dinner?” “Why thank you, Mari. No, not fancy; I just felt like changing it up a bit. Is there something special you’d like to wear?” Mariana jumped up from her creation and squealed, “OOo! Yes!,” and ran off to her room.

Juliana was laughing to herself when the doorbell rang. She answered it and found Valentina standing atop of her stairs in black skinny jeans, a black leather jacket, and boots, with her long hair cascading around her shoulders. Juliana must have had an astonished look on her face because Valentina chuckled lightly and said, “I know, I changed out of my yoga pants. It surprises me, too. And you...te ves muy guapa, Juls.” Juliana blushed and smiled bashfully while she welcomed Valentina into the house. “These are for you,” Valentina said handing Juliana a colorful bouquet, “and this is for Mariana,” she said as she held out a cake box with red and white string holding it together. “Thanks so much, Val. Please, come in and make yourself comfortable.” 

Valentina removed her jacket and was admiring the warm living space when Mariana came barreling out of her room in a summer dress and a superhero cape, complete with neon bangles around her wrists. “Hey Mariana! Nice outfit! No one told me it was a cape-appropriate event, I would have brought mine.” Mariana giggled. “Hi, Valentina,” she said before dropping to a whisper, “did you bring the chocolate mousse?” Valentina laughed and assured the girl that she did indeed bring the desired dessert. “But first, I think we’ll eat whatever smells so delicious. What are you cooking, Juls?” 

“My version of my mom’s enchiladas con dos salsas, mole and verde. I hope that works for you…” Juliana explained, suddenly feeling nervous that she didn’t ask Valentina about her dietary habits before choosing this dish. “Wow! Yes, sounds incredible. I love mole. It reminds me of when I was a kid… my mom made a fantastic mole.” Valentina said with a slight note of sadness to her voice. “Well I’m not sure this will live up to hers, or my mom’s for that matter, but I hope you’ll enjoy it,” Juliana responded. 

The three sat around the well-set table when Valentina picked up the homemade centerpiece. “Now, this is a piece of art. Where did you buy this, Juls? I think I want one just like it,” Valentina playfully asked. “I made it!” Mariana exclaimed. “Really?! I love the way these feathers fan out to the side.” Valentina continued. As they ate and chatted, Mariana randomly proffered, “These enchiladas aren’t exactly like abue’s, but I still think they’re delicious, mami” Mariana exclaimed as she licked the last of the mole off her plate. Juliana smiled at her daughter, “ay, gracias mi amor. Nothing can replace abuela’s cooking, that’s true.” 

Juliana turned to Valentina who was smiling at the interaction, “Do you like to cook? Did you ever learn how to make that awesome mole of your mom’s?” Valentina’s smile faltered slightly, “I, uh, don’t cook much. And, unfortunately, no, I did not… my mom passed away when I was 10.” Juliana responded immediately, “Oh, Val. I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize…” “No, it’s ok. Of course you wouldn’t know,” Valentina smiled softly. “But this is amazing! Definitely the best I’ve had in quite some time. And what about you...You mentioned your mom taught you how to make these. Does she live here or…?” 

“My mom, Lupe, lives in Texas with my stepdad, Panchito. She comes to stay every few months to spend time with us and to spoil Mari,” Juliana explains and smiles at her little one, who had excused herself to play with her toys while waiting (almost) patiently for dessert. “Do you have family in the area?”

“I do - my brother. I have a brother and sister, but my sister lives further away with her husband and my niece. My brother lives in the city and it’s nice to have him near; we’ve always been close, but even more so in recent years after our dad passed away two summers ago.” Juliana offered a sympathetic pout and responded, “Wow.. you’ve had to deal with a lot of loss in your relatively short life, Val. That must be really difficult.” “It can be, and it has been at times” Valentina offered, “the studio helps a lot. I decided to open it shortly after my dad died. It was both a much needed distraction and constructive outlet. Significantly healthier than some other coping mechanisms...” Valentina started but refrained from expanding.

As she talked, Juliana admired the woman sitting in front of her. Sometimes she felt so consumed by her own past that she overlooked other’s pain, but in this moment, the sad lilt to Valentina’s voice and the earnesty in which she was so openly discussing her experiences switched something inside of her. Juliana felt an overwhelming urge to comfort Valentina and wanted nothing more than to put a smile back on her face. “Yeah, it sounds like it and the studio is amazing, Val. I’m sure your parents would be incredibly proud of the inspiring and bad-ass woman you’ve become,” Juliana offered with a smile. 

Just then, Mariana bounded up to the table and asked excitedly, “Is it time for dessert yet??” Juliana and Valentina smiled and Juliana brought out dessert, which they ate and chatted with the exuberant 7 year old until it was finally nearing her bedtime. “Ok, chiquita. Why don’t you say goodnight to our guest and we’ll go read a book in your room before bed?” Juliana asked of her daughter. “Buenas noches, Valentina. Thanks for the cake!” “You’re very welcome, love. Buenas noches,” Valentina answered. 

In an unexpected gesture, Mariana ran to Valentina and gave her a quick hug before running off to her room. Juliana laughed and noted, “Mari’s usually pretty reserved with new people. I think you’ve officially won her over, Val.” Valentina’s face lit up in a wide smile and suavely sighed out, "ah well, I can be pretty charming when I want to be." "Mmhm. I see that," Juliana responded with a smirk, staring for a beat longer before heading off to Mariana’s room.

After finally getting Mariana to sleep, Juliana joined Valentina on the couch in the living room. They were both turned slightly inwards to face each other in conversation, sipping wine. “She sure has a lot of stamina for such a small person,” Valentina quipped. Juliana smiled, “yes, she definitely does! I often say she’s like a puppy with her boundless energy.” “She’s really great, though, Juls. She makes me miss my niece.” “Thanks, Val. You’re great with her and welcome to hang out with us any time you miss your niece,” Juliana responded sincerely. “What about you - is having kids part of how you envision your life?” Valentina dropped her glance briefly before looking back up to Juliana, “I’ve always pictured myself with a family one day. The exact mechanics of how that will come to pass remain unclear…” 

“Because you’re not in a relationship?” Juliana guessed. “Well, that. And because I’m a lesbian. Not to say that makes it impossible, but the logistics and cultural barriers here make it a bit more complex,” Valentina replied, waiting with bated breath to judge Juliana’s reaction to her admission. “Oh!” Juliana said, sounding a little too surprised. She quickly recovered and continued, “I can imagine that could be challenging. But like you said, definitely not impossible. There are so many ways to have a family… I’ve always been a big believer in the idea that love is what really makes a family, not shared blood.” Valentina smiled broadly and shifted on the couch, placing her right elbow to rest on the back couch cushion with her fingers sitting gently in her hair on the side of her head, looking into Juls’ eyes. “And you? Do you ever see yourself with more mini-Marianas? Or Marianos,” Valentina probed.

Juliana let out a sharp laugh, “Dios. I never thought about having more kids since I found myself simply trying to survive with just one.” Juliana paused as if unsure whether to divulge more of herself. She connected again with Valentina’s sapphire gaze patiently waiting for her to continue. “After leaving my ex, Mariana’s father, I vowed to do everything to protect that girl and ensure she was happy and free and felt loved beyond belief. All my energy became focused on her well-being and remedying any damage leftover from what I couldn’t protect her from early on...” Juliana trailed off, looking down at her wine glass caught between her two hands. 

There was no need for Juliana to spell it out; Valentina guessed from this admission and Juliana’s physical reactions in the first few classes - the flinching and panicked response to being grabbed - that there was some level of trauma in this beautiful woman’s past. Valentina extended her right arm towards Juliana’s face, intending to gently tilt it upward to meet her eyes. She quickly retracted her hand, however, when Juliana instinctively jerked her head away. Realizing her reflexive reaction, Juliana looked up to meet Valentina’s apologetic eyes with a softening in her own, and reached for the lighter-haired woman’s half-outstretched hand. Valentina held Juliana’s hand in her own and soothingly slid her thumb across Juliana’s knuckles. “Juls, I hate that you found yourself with someone who did everything in their power to smother your flame. But that fire inside you...maybe you don’t always recognize it, but there’s an incendiary energy in your eyes - when you talk about Mari, and especially when you’re focused in class. You are so strong and capable. Hell, I think I still have the bruised ribs to attest to that,” Valentina smirked. “What  _ he  _ did is not your fault - it never was. But what you did? You found a way out. And  _ that  _ takes infinite courage and strength. I hope you can see that  _ you _ are the hero in your and Mariana’s story.” 

Juliana’s eyes were watery as she opened her mouth to respond, but couldn’t seem to string words together. She paused for a deep breath, hand still linked with Valentina’s, and finally said, “Thank you for saying that, Val. I...sometimes I forget how far Mari and I have come in a relatively short time. It’s nice to be reminded.” Juliana looked from Val’s face to their hands and reciprocated the hold with a light squeeze and her own gentle thumb rub. After a few silent moments, Valentina looked at the clock and sighed, “Ay. It’s getting late and I have to be up early tomorrow - Silver Streakers cardio class for the 70+ crowd!” Juliana laughed. “As much I don’t want to, I should go,” Valentina continued. “Ya, vamos,” Juliana replied.

The two women stood up and headed to the kitchen to deposit their wine glasses before gathering Valetina’s things to say their goodbyes. Juliana opened her front door to the crisp evening air and stood to face Valentina who joined her in the doorway with less than a foot of space between them. “Thanks for joining us for dinner,” Juliana started, “Mariana has already requested your attendance again in the future.” Valentina giggled, “Thank YOU. I had a great time. And tell Mari I’m looking forward to it.” Valentina playfully narrowed her eyes and continued, “wait, does she only want me back because I come with dessert?” Juliana laughed and smiled widely, “Well, maybe. But she’s also always been a good judge of character and is right to take a liking to you.” Juliana swore she saw a slight blush creep across Valentina’s face, but she continued, “And I had a great time, too, Val. Really. It’s been an embarrassingly long time since I’ve had someone over and you were the perfect guest to break that streak.” 

Valentina’s blue eyes sparkled in the moonlight as they bore into Juliana’s. She leaned forward cautiously and placed a lingering kiss against Juliana’s cheek. Without separating much from Juliana’s face, Valentina said, in a voice barely above a whisper, “See you at class, Juls,” and walked away from the brown-eyed woman’s doorstep to her car. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hola queridas. This was a long chapter with a lot of conversation. I considered trimming it back but decided against it. Let me know your thoughts. Thanks for reading and sending love!


	5. I don’t want perfect; I want you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picks up right where the last chapter left off. A lot of Juliana processing and managing her emotions when she sees Valentina again.
> 
> (Title from 'I Remember' by Betty Who)

Juliana stared at the empty walkway for a few seconds before walking back into the house. She quickly bolt-locked the door behind her and braced herself against her kitchen counter. She wasn’t sure which was moving faster, her heart rate or her mind. In efforts to self-regulate, she cycled through some of her breathing exercises her therapist showed her for times when her thoughts started to spiral. She calmed a bit and delicately touched her fingertips to the spot where Valentina had kissed her face. 

She learned over time (and with the help of therapy) how important it was to be honest with herself when parsing through her emotions, to give herself permission to feel whatever it was she was feeling. So she named the feelings mingling together in the forefront of her mind as they crystallized one by one: Attraction. Heat. Excitement. Fear.

And then it was obvious. She was attracted to Valentina. She reveled in her contact in a way that surprised her. But, she was also overwhelmed with this realization. Not really because she was a woman; although unexpected, she recognized the feeling of attraction and was pretty matter-of-fact about it being for a woman instead of a man. More than that, it scared her because she hadn’t felt this way in such a long time, nor was she sure she wanted to feel this way ever again. Feeling this way involves expectations. And being vulnerable...to danger, to losing control, to pain. 

And beyond this, what could she possibly offer this gorgeous, successful woman? Free coffee at Perlita’s restaurant? Which reminded her that she had to pick up an extra shift on Monday while Mariana was at school. ‘_ Mariana- _’ her name jolted through Juliana’s thoughts. She couldn’t risk bringing new instability into her daughter's life. She didn’t want her getting attached and disappointed by someone new, not when things were finally stabilizing. Juliana let out a heavy sigh and continued to clean up the kitchen before checking on Mariana and heading to bed. 

She laid in the quiet of her room and stared at the moonlight pouring through the curtains. She breathed in. And out. And in again. The racing thoughts subsided. She finally settled into a half-conscious, half-exhausted state, left with nothing but a creeping vision of blue eyes settling on her own. A memory of heat against her skin and a tightness in the pit of her stomach. In that haze of blue and warmth and blue and blue and blue, she let herself wonder about what Valentina’s lips would feel like against her own. Like velvet, she imagined. It was the last thing she remembered before falling asleep. 

\------------

Juliana walked into class on Monday evening a few minutes later than usual, giving enough time for others to populate the room before she arrived. She was nervous to be alone with Valentina, even though that made her feel ridiculous. The leggy instructor looked up from her conversation with another classmate and threw Juliana a bright smile when she saw her walk through the door. Juliana silently mouthed “Hi” in response so as to not interrupt the conversation and proceeded to the other corner of the room. 

Juliana was stretching when Valentina came up behind her and said softly, “Señorita.” “Ay, me asusaste, Val,” Juliana gasped with a hand to her chest. Valentina’s blue eyes sparkled in her direction and she smiled. “Perdóname, morrita. How are you doing today?” “I’m ok...sort of wiped from an extra shift I picked up today. But I’m here. No excuses, right?” Juliana replied. “Mmhm. That’s right. Where do you work?” Valentina asked. “At a diner called Perlita’s, close to my house. It’s not much of a place, but the owner’s a sweetheart and they make the best chilaquiles,” Juliana said, suddenly feeling self-conscious. “Ooo. I hope you’ll take me for breakfast one day, that’s one of my favorites.” Valentina finished with a smile and walked off to the front of the room to start the class; _ ‘Breakfast? _’ Juliana thought with a slight flush rising up her neck.

After class was over, Juliana was packing up her belongings when Valentina approached her again. From 10 feet away, Valentina teasingly called, “I’m walking over to to you now! Here I come! Not going to scare you this time!” Juliana smirked, “ha ha very funny.” When Valentina finally got within normal talking range, she asked, “So, do you work night shifts often? Or ever have a free evening…?” Gone was the suave Valentina of 5 seconds ago, as she awkwardly shifted her weight between her feet. Juliana felt nervousness rise within her chest, “not too many night shifts, thankfully, but not too many free nights, you know with Mariana…” “Yeah, of course…I was just thinking that I had a lot of fun the other night at your place and I’d love to return the favor sometime,” Valentina explained. Juliana’s body language grew increasingly closed off as she shrunk into herself. She folded her arms across her chest and answered while only half meeting Valentina’s eyes, “Val...I can’t. I. Mariana. We both...I don’t know how…” Juliana uttered in a defeated tone.

“Oh...Ok. I understand,” Valentina replied. But she didn’t, not really. Valentina immediately thought that she misread everything of their past interactions. She assumed Juliana was pushing back because she wasn’t interested in her, in women, and probably scared that Valentina had told her she was gay and was now asking her out. Valentina was mentally berating herself for being so irresponsible when she quickly spat out, “I’m sorry, I hope I didn’t offend you or anything. I’ll see you at the next class” and started to walk away from the woman with the dark chocolate eyes. Juliana grabbed Valentina’s hand to stop her and pulled slightly to make her turn around. “What? No, Val, not at all,” Juliana’s eyes flickered and searched Valentina’s where she saw the glossy sheen from building tears. “No, Val. It’s just that… I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to be a person who goes on dates or is there for someone else when there are days when I can barely support myself” Juliana continued. “I… I don’t know if I can be whatever person you expect me to be.”

Valentina inhaled deeply. “Oyéme, Juls. I don’t _ expect you _ to be anything. I want to meet you where you’re at. To get to know you better. I really like what I know so far and, frankly, I think you are one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever seen. And if it turns out you like me, too, then I think we can figure the rest out, together.” Juliana took a beat and let Valentina’s words sink in before responding, “But I have a child. And baggage. And I can’t make you any promises. How is this appealing to you?” Valentina simultaneously huffed out a breath and smiled slightly, “First of all, Mariana is adorable and I am lucky to get to know her in this deal. Secondly, we all have baggage, Juls.” Valentina paused before continuing, “And I’m not expecting any promises. Except maybe one...that you’d consider going out with me. Once? And if it’s too much, I’ll back off.” 

Juliana searched Valentina’s face and found, as she so often did with this woman, complete sincerity. Their hands were still locked from when she turned the taller woman around. “Por favor?” Valentina whispered in supplication. Juliana didn’t know whether she wanted to kiss her or run screaming. She opted for neither and instead replied simply, “Ok.” “Ok?” Valentina asked hopefully. “Yes. I would love to go somewhere with you. I can ask Perlita when she’s available to watch Mariana for the night. Are you flexible?” Juliana asked. “Very,” Valentina smirked. Juliana rolled her eyes but couldn’t hide her smile. Valentina laughed and continued, “yes, any night this week works aside from our Wednesday class.” “Ok. I’ll let you know… and thanks.” “For what?” Valentina asked, confused. “For not letting me push you away,” Juliana concluded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is on the shorter side. As a note, I speak Spanish but do not consider myself fluent, so unfortunately cannot write a whole fic in Spanish. The words and phrases thrown in are many I actually use and it feels natural for me to insert them here. I hope it comes across as natural here, too, but can understand if it doesn't.
> 
> The next chap will focus on their date! What do you think will happen? Thanks for reading!


	6. Bodies in Motion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newton's First Law of Motion states that a body at rest will remain at rest unless an outside force acts on it, and a body in motion at a constant velocity will remain in motion in a straight line unless acted upon by an outside force. (Source: NASA.gov)

Saturday night arrived at a snail’s pace. Yet, when it finally crawled up, Juliana found herself unprepared, sitting in her underwear stressing over what to wear. Valentina hadn’t revealed too much of where the night would take them, but did ask if Juliana liked dancing - she did. She had trouble remembering the last time she actually went out for it, but she loved it. She remembered happily salsa dancing in sweaty basement clubs in her teenage years after telling her mom she was staying at a friend’s. A sudden panic burst in her brain when she remembered she was the mom now. ‘ _ Mierda _ .’ She shook away the thought of her future teenage daughter to refocus on her task at hand.

She settled for black jeans and a cropped, flowery top and wedged heels - if she was going to be dancing with Valentina, she thought a few more inches couldn’t hurt. She left her hair down and added hoop earrings and some light make-up. She was never one for glam but wanted to make the effort. She gave herself a final glance in the mirror where she was welcomed with a reflection reminiscent of her mom’s face. In an instant as uncontrollable as lightning, she flashbacked briefly to her own childhood. She remembered only one time seeing her mom get dressed up for a night out. It was her birthday and she thought her then husband, Marcario, was going to take her to dinner; he had promised. But, of course, he returned to the house drunk and reeking of tequila, overly handsy and aggressive. Her mom never made it out to dinner that evening, and Juliana never sang herself to sleep as loudly as that never ending night. They left that trailer a week after and never looked back. And yet, somehow, Juliana found herself in an uncannily similar situation several years later. How, she’d never completely understand. Maybe our first choices are not really choices at all, but inclinications that have been beaten into us, whether it be kindness or hatred; empathy or violence. Whatever it is that causes us to settle - consciously or subconsciously - for what we think we are worthy of or believe is our only option. But maybe in the end, we are what we make of the second thoughts, of pushing aside the initial reactions that rise out of fear or habit. Maybe we can work to surround ourselves with those who bring light to the world and be molded by them, slowly kneaded like clay into better versions of ourselves. She thought of Valentina then and snapped herself out of her spiraling thoughts.

Juliana went to her daughter’s room to kiss her goodnight before leaving. She was already in bed but not quite asleep. “Mama, you look beautiful. Are you dressed up for Valentina again?” Mariana innocently asked. ‘ _ She’s too observant, _ ’ Juliana thought to herself. Juliana laughed and responded, “Si, mi amor, we’re going out and I wanted to look nice.” “You always look nice, mami,” Mariana responded. Juliana smiled at her beautiful girl, “Aw thank you, love. You are just the sweetest thing. Thank you for being such a good listener for Perlita.” She kissed Mariana on the forehead. “I’ll see you in the morning. Buenas noches, mi querida. Te quiero muchisimo.” 

She closed the door to Mari’s room and progressed into the living room. Perlita looked up from her magazine and excitedly chimed, “Mi niña! Te ves muy linda! Con quién estás saliendo?” <<My girl! You look very beautiful! With who are going out with?>> Juliana knew by her tone what she was implying. She rolled her eyes playfully and responded, “A friend, Perlita. Se llama Valentina.” “Que bueno! Disfruta, cariño. Y por favor, no te preocupes por nada de acá.” <<How nice. Enjoy, hun. And please, don’t worry about anything here.>> Juliana smiled sincerely and was very thankful for her surrogate mother at that moment. She told her as much and kissed her on the cheek before grabbing the rest of her things. 

Seconds later, there was a knock at her front door. Juliana opened it to moment of deja vu where she met radiant blue eyes she had trouble not drowning in. Valentina, dressed in white pants and her black leather jacket on top of a silk blue top, started to say hello but seemed to lose her words after looking over Juliana from head to toe. “Heh...Hi,” she stuttered out with a slight shake of her head and greeted Juliana with a kiss on the cheek. “You look…amazing.” Juliana basked in the way this woman marveled at her, as if she were a rare find on an archeological dig. ‘ _ Look what I found _ ,” her eyes said,  _ ‘My world will never be the same _ .’

“Gracias, Val. I’m just trying to keep up with you, you know” Juliana replied with a smirk. Juliana quickly introduced Valentina to Perlita, who was surreptitiously watching this entire interaction. Once the niceties concluded, the two women left the house and headed off in Valentina’s car. “So, where are you whisking me away tonight?” Juliana asked. “There’s a great restaurant on the other side of town and it’s close to a hall with some of the best salsa dancing in town. I thought maybe we could head there after dinner?” Valentina asked with quick glances over to Juliana while she drove. “That sounds great! I love dancing. It’s been forever since I’ve gone, though.” Juliana thought for a moment and exclaimed with amazement, “uff, since before Mari was born! I can’t promise I’ll be the lightest on my feet at this point.”

Valentina laughed. “Well, whatever you do will be better than what I can manage… I really don’t know how to dance.” Juliana shot her an incredulous look, “How do you not know how to dance growing up in here?” Valentina shrugged. “I don’t know. I hated all the family parties when I was younger, and the crowd I hung around as a teenager cared more about the alcohol than the dancing. Or whatever they thought they were doing after they’d drank enough alcohol and called it dancing.” “Oh well, at least all the eager suitors will leave us alone,” Juliana suggested. “Ha! Yeah - don’t ask those two to dance, they’re terrible!” Valentina laughed back.

Conversation flowed easily between them as they made their way to the restaurant and through dinner, where they exchanged tips about favorite CMDX spots and laughed about various mishaps from classes at the studio. They skipped dessert and headed out to the dance hall close by shortly after. They found a table and Valentina went off to the bar to grab them drinks. Juliana sat surveying the scene; it was packed and lively, with people of all ages gliding across the room.

She was swaying in her seat along with Indía blaring through the speakers while scanning the room when she noticed a man in the corner gawking at her. She looked away to check for Valentina, but noticed from the corner of her eye that he continued to sip his drink and stare in her direction. ‘ _ Why are men so fucking creepy _ ,’ she thought to herself. Her face lit up, however, as Valentina came bobbing back into view with their drinks and took a seat across from Juliana. “God, that was a slow line. I’m surprised I didn’t come back to a line of men waiting to ask you to dance,” Valentina said as she handed Juliana the drink. “Oh, there was one forming. I broke their hearts when I told them all that I had  _ the best _ dance partner coming back for me any minute. They’re awaiting the show as we speak,” Juliana teased. Valentina bit her lip and smiled. “Well, I don’t know about the first part, but I promise to always come back for you.” They exchanged a charged look before Valentina extended her hand and asked in her suavest voice, “te gustaría bailar conmigo, hermosa?” Juliana smiled, placed her hand gently in Valentina’s outstretched invitation, and responded, “Me encataría.”

The two were laughing and dancing with only a semblance of the correct steps with Juliana trying hard to lead them both. Some Prince Royce bachata started to play, eliciting a squeal from Juliana, “oh I love this song! Ok - come here,” she said, pulling Val closer with a surge of confidence, “we’re going to have a lesson. For this one, you’ll need to be closer to me like this.” She took Valentina’s right hand in her left, and placed her dominant hand on the small of Valentina’s back, pressing their bodies tightly together. “And follow my steps - it’s essentially two steps to the side and then a hip bump, and then repeat in the other direction,” the dark-haired woman explained and started to move them in tandem. “Así es,” she continued, as Valentina concentrated hard on the steps while looking at her feet. 

“Pero, mira - for this kind of dancing, you’re supposed to keep your eyes on me, and not your feet,” Juliana said with a smile. Valentina lifted her head to lock eyes with the woman in front of her who seemed ethereal under the smoky dance floor lights. “Ya pues, how am I supposed to look at you and move like this?” Valentina feigned annoyance. “Not only do I have no idea what I’m doing, but you are also very distracting,” she added, speaking directly into Juliana’s ear. But it was true: for Valentina, this whole scene was intoxicating. The sudden confidence, the way their bodies moved together. She wanted to get lost in the heat in her touch and the scent coming off her slightly damp skin. Valentina slid her hand from Juliana’s shoulder to her lower back, which was bare because of her cropped shirt. She struggled to refrain from dragging her hands across her entire torso right there on the dance floor.

The pair continued to dance without breaking their gaze, their faces mere inches apart. Juliana relished the feeling of Valentina’s body pressed up against her own, of Val’s hand burning against her skin. And, selfishly, in being able to teach  _ her _ something for a change. She noticed that the space between their faces was lessening and her breathing was becoming more laboured. She caught Valentina’s eyes flickering from her eyes to her lips. She braced herself for what she expected to happen next. But instead of feeling the force of a kiss, she was rudely welcomed by an aggressive grab to her right arm. It was the man that had been staring at her from the corner of the room earlier, with his scruff beard and open-collared shirt befitting of a sleazy porn star. “Que demonios haces?!” she yelled as she yanked her arm away. Valentina also snapped to attention as the man made to grab Juliana again. “Ay princesa, calmate,” he said condescendingly. “I’m just saving you from esta tortillera sucia. I’ll show you how to really move to this music,” he spat out while making moves to push his body towards Juliana’s. Valentina’s eyes looked as if they would burst into flames; she was about to hit the guy square in the jaw when Juliana swiftly twisted her body around, still gripping the arm with which he grabbed her, and elbowed him in the stomach with her free arm as hard as she could manage. He dropped his grip and buckled over in pain while the two women rushed off the dance floor. They told one of the bartenders what happened who sent security in after him.

Valentina quickly returned her attention to Juliana. “Hey - you want to get out of here?” Valentina asked. “Yes. Please,” Juliana responded, shaking slightly. They grabbed their coats and headed out of the dance hall into the night. Valentina took Juliana by the hand and escorted Juliana to her car. Once they were in with locked doors, both exhaled in relief. Valentina turned to Juliana and surveyed the younger woman’s face and body, as if searching for physical signs of damage. “Are you ok?” Valentina asked, pausing for a second. Juliana nodded silently. “I know that was scary, but I’ve been on the receiving end of the Valdes elbow and can vouch for its power…nice job,” Valentina offered with soft eyes, hoping she was lightening the mood appropriately and not being insensitive. Juliana was still somewhat shaken, but found herself smiling in relief at Valentina’s comment. “Yeah, I’m ok. I’m glad we got out of there,” Juliana said. “I’m consistently surprised by how awful people can be, even though you think I wouldn’t be by now.” Valentina nodded and sighed audibly in solidarity. 

“Do you want to go home?” Valentina asked gently, but continued before letting Juliana answer, “Of course, I’ll take you home if that’s what you want, but would also love to end this night on a different note.” Juliana met Valentina’s eyes and thought to herself that she really didn’t want to leave the comfort of this woman just yet. She hated what just happened, but she felt her bubbling anxiety lessen whenever Valentina spoke, like a balm for her emotional abrasions. “How about dessert? I know somewhere secluded and delicious; you up for it?” Valentina asked with a glint in her eye. Juliana lifted an eyebrow, “Secluded and delicious...sounds a little suspect. But I really like dessert, so...” she returned a flirtatious smile. “Ok, vamos” Valentina said softly and turned to put the key in the ignition. Juliana breathed out slowly as Valentina started the car and drove off.

They traveled for some time in a comfortable silence, exchanging occasional side glances and bashful smiles. At some point, Juliana covered Valentina’s free hand resting on the gear shift with her own. Valentina responded by intertwining their fingers together, all the while keeping her eyes on the road ahead. About 20 minutes later, they arrived at a dimly lit food truck sitting at a small clearing on a highway pull-off. Juliana looked to the truck and then to Valentina in bewilderment. Valentina quickly interjected, “I know what it looks like, but I promise these are the best churros you will ever have in Mexico City.” She paused for a beat, tilted her head to the side, “Don’t you trust me?” she asked with puppy-dog eyes. Juliana melted. “Yes, Val,” she laughed lightly, lost in her gaze, “I do.” 

The two women made their way to the truck, collected their cinnamon-sugary treats, and sat at a picnic table away from the few other visitors. “So, do you take a lot of women to get churros on the side of the road?” Juliana asked as she ate, letting out small moans to express her delight with the dessert. Valentina smiled and reveled in Juliana’s visible satisfaction. “It’s been a long time since I’ve ‘ _ gotten churros _ ’ with anyone,” Valentina joked. In a more somber tone, she continued while looking downward and picking at her churro, “Neta, my last relationship was a mess and I’ve stayed away from dating for a while.” Juliana kept her eyes trained on Valentina, letting her to continue at her own pace. “I was with her for 2 years, but the whole time we were essentially hiding from the world. She was “straight” and just ‘couldn’t be’ with a woman -- except when she was. And I put up with it because I loved her. Or thought I did. But it made me feel like I had something to be ashamed of when I knew, deep down, that I didn’t. And when my dad died, there were only so many battles I could fight at once.” Valentina looked briefly at Juliana and then away as she gently scratched at her eyebrow. “To her credit, she saw me through some rough nights… everything compounded, I was drinking a lot. I don’t know who or what I was angrier at - my father, for dying; the world, for being so shitty; her; or myself.” Valentina choked up and swallowed thickly. “Ugh. Wow, look at me, one mezcal and I’m spilling all my secrets,” she said with a watery laugh, quickly wiping a tear from her right eye.

Juliana reflected back a sympathetic pout and let the silence envelop them for several seconds before speaking. “What’s ironic to me, Vale, is that you shine the brightest out of everyone I know. And I’m including a 7 year old with a penchant for glitter in that competition.” Valentina laughed. Juliana continued with a bit more intensity, “Pero, carajo; trying to hide the light coming off of you, with your energy and your smile,” she inhaled sharply from the corner of her mouth for emphasis, “it’s like trying to keep a lid on dynamite. And only a fool would ever do that.”

Valentina stared at Juliana while she tucked and pressed her lips together. Her gaze flickered to Juliana’s mouth. “You uh, have some sugar…” she noted as she reached over with her hand and ghosted her thumb across the corner of the Juliana’s lips. Juliana’s eyes darkened beyond their normal deep shade of brown as she worked to control her breathing. Valentina kept her hand against the side of Juls’ face and started to pull their faces together as if in slow motion, pausing every half-second to give Juliana ample time to back out. But this time, there was no flinching. Just a body fighting to keep still while buzzing internally. Juliana’s eyes fluttered closed and her heartbeat pounded in her ears. Her lips parted - both in desperation to take in more air and in anticipation of what she knew was coming. She swore she would never forget the life she lived in the second before their lips met: it was as if the hairs on her skin stood on edge just to reach closer to the blue-eyed woman; that the hot breath between them was exchanged in order to keep her from drowning. She was sure that if anyone else was to touch her in that moment, she would have combusted to dust.

And then it happened. Juliana felt her dizzying weightlessness anchored down the instant their lips connected. The languid kiss sent sparks down each vertebrae in her spine. It was unhurried and soft; both everything and nothing like she imagined. After either an hour or 4 seconds (neither could tell), Valentina separated slightly, finding Juliana’s eyes still closed in repose. After a breath, Juliana opened her eyes. Staring back into the deep brown pools, Valentina whispered, “Is this ok?” Juliana nodded and took the initiative to continue the kiss, reconnecting their mouths with a simultaneous move of her body forward, placing one hand behind Valentina’s neck and the other along her waistline. Juliana held her in that position with the same gentle firmness you would hold a newborn, and kissed her and kissed her, in no rush to accelerate or stop. When their increasingly daring tongues slid across each other’s lips, it felt like they were extending a greeting: Welcome. Please come in. Stay a while. 

And, as if she had heard the calling in their silent exchange, Juliana couldn’t help thinking, ‘ _ Can I stay forever?’ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this one, it was fun to write. It finally happened! Did you like their date? I'm traveling for a bit, so it will be a while before the next update. Can't wait to read your thoughts! Peace -


	7. I see you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentina POV picking up where we left off. Some of Valentina's processing and even a little jealousy. In short, she's got it bad.

Valentina found herself smiling into the ongoing kiss when she registered the noise of additional voices and cars rolling up to the truck. After a few more seconds, she reluctantly broke the connection and separated slightly. “We might have an audience pretty soon,” she commented, taking in Juliana’s red-rubbed lips and flushed face. Juliana tore her eyes from Valentina’s to note the increasing number of customers, “Hm, I think the word is out on these churros, Val.” Her playful smile faded slightly when she glanced at her watch and sighed, “I should probably head home anyway... I’m sure Perlita is asleep on the couch by now and I should release her to her own bed.” Valentina ran her fingers through her hair and sighed out, “Ok, fiiinee. But only because I don’t want to push my luck with your boss,” Valentina smiled. “Vamanos?” 

The pair left the table and walked back to Valentina’s car hand in hand. They drove back in much the same way, with intertwined fingers and Valentina’s thumb gently stroking Juliana’s hand for the entirety of the ride. Juliana was peacefully observing the landscape changing from dark trees to city lights in front of her. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, letting the sense of calm wash over her. On a side glance, Valentina caught Juliana’s brief meditation and found herself smiling at the sight. She stole a few more glances, admiring Juliana’s profile as she drove. ‘_God, she’s gorgeous _,’ Valentina thought to herself. Her fingers itched to trace the darker woman’s prominent jawline and collarbone. She shook her head slightly to re-focus on the drive, suddenly worried she’d crash the car in her smitten haze. 

Eventually, they arrived at Juliana’s house where Valentina escorted her to the door. Juliana slowed at her top step and peered down at the blue-eyed goddess. “I had a lot of fun, Val. Thank you for taking me,” Juliana started. Valentina reached up to brush away a strand of hair from Juliana’s face, “Thank you for joining me....I didn’t think anything could make that churro truck better than it already was, but I was wrong.” They stared at each other before Valentina dropped her gaze and caressed Juliana’s arm lightly before continuing, “So, does that mean you’d entertain another date? I could really use a few more dance lessons… you’re a great teacher,” she finished with a side smirk as she met Juliana’s eyes again. “Hmm..I’ll consider it,” Juliana said playfully. “But only if there’s less creepy men and more delicious endings,” she continued. Valentina sent a flirtatious smile forward while stepping up to meet Juliana on the top step. She was fully into Juliana’s personal space when she replied, “I think that can be arranged” before leaning in to kiss her. Valentina kissed her softly, savoring the way their lips locked together as if specifically designed for this purpose. “Goodnight, Valentina,” Juliana said softly as she broke apart from their kiss. Valentina held onto the departing woman’s hand until the last possible moment when she disappeared through the threshold of her home, closing the door with a final smile back in her direction.

Valentina’s heart galloped as she turned to return to her car. She couldn’t help the ridiculous grin plastered across her face, nor touching her fingers to her lips as she replayed their earlier kiss in her mind. In lieu of actually registering the stop lights and street signs, all she saw on her drive home was Juliana’s almond-shaped eyes and the infectious smile she bared when they were dancing. She arrived home and readied herself for bed where she laid, contrasting the feel of the cool sheets with the weight of Juliana’s hands on her waist and hot breath against her skin. 

She wondered if it was too much to text her. ‘_Stop it, Valentina _ ,’ she scolded herself. But she couldn’t help thinking about what Juliana was doing, if she was able to sleep or if she was also obsessively replaying details of the night in her head. She couldn’t stop the craving to hold the younger woman close, to feel her soft skin against her own, to drown in her scent. Her thoughts tumbled to what it would be like to wake up to Juliana in the morning and how the early sun would paint her in a golden caramel hue. ‘_Jesus, Valentina. Are we here already? Why not just reserve the U-Haul now? _’ She rolled her eyes and laughed at herself. 

But as she watched the unstoppable reel of Juliana projecting in her brain, she remembered what her mom had often asked of her when she was young: ‘trust the universe.’ Even in the darkest days of her illness, her mother somehow still professed that everything had its purpose, rhyme, and reason. Valentina couldn’t understand this at all - as a child nor as an adult - because she couldn’t see the purpose of the world taking her beautiful mom away from her, for saddling the golden-haired woman with such a vicious disease. Or for later orphaning her completely at such a young age. But despite not having been given a reason to believe that fate was anything but malicious, something told her to try it this once. Something, or maybe someone? She wondered if perhaps all our ‘gut feelings’ are really just our lost loved-ones trying to guide us, pushing their energy through ours in a way that causes our centers to shift and thoughts to rearrange. Valentina was comforted by this possibility as she accepted that she was helpless against the tornado swirling inside her. She wrapped herself in the memory of her mom and thoughts of her invisible guiding hand, and fell into a sleep that was more peaceful than any in her recent nights.

\---------

The next day, Valentina couldn’t help herself - by noon she texted Juliana:

V: Good morning, guapa. Was everything ok last night when you got home? 

She stared at her phone for a couple minutes before she realized that the woman was probably busy and not hovering over her phone to respond to texts. As she was about to put her phone away, it buzzed with a reply:

J: Hey Val - yes, everything was great, thanks. Though I _ am _ having inexplicable cravings for churros.

Valentina smiled and bit the inside of her lip. ‘_I've been having completely explicable cravings of a different sort _,’ she thought to herself as she typed her response.

V: Oh yeah? Just for churros? ;)

She waited for Juliana to reply, noting the typing bubbles that kept appearing and disappearing. Valentina started to worry that she was coming on too strong when a reply popped up:

J: Hard to tell… my body tends to crave delectable, sweet things. Is there something else from last night that fits that description?

Valentina blushed at the insinuation. 

V: Hm, can’t think what that might be...Sounds like I need to bring you some dessert soon.

J: I always appreciate hand-delivered desserts.

‘_My hands can deliver a lot of things_,’ Valentina thought involuntarily. '_Cálmate, Valentina!_'

V: Noted… maybe one night this week?

J: This week is hectic.

Valentina’s heart sank with the clipped response until another came in shortly after:

J: Unless you’d be interested in joining Mari and I for our movie night on Friday?

V: I’d love to :) If I’m not intruding, of course. 

J: I’ll confirm with Mariana, but something tells me she will be thrilled. 

V: I’ll bribe her with treats. She can’t resist my charms (or desserts).

J: She’s not the only one.

Valentina flushed and raked her teeth over her bottom lip. She wished the woman was with her right now; Valentina knew she’d be counting the minutes until she would see her again, never mind about being able to kiss her again. She shook her head, feeling like a lovesick teenager.

V: Will I see you at class tomorrow?

J: Yup - I’ll be there. 

V: Great, can’t wait. 

J: See you then, Val. Enjoy your Sunday and don’t miss me too much ;)

V: That will be difficult, but I’ll do my best. Adios, hermosa xo

‘_Seriously, I can’t stop thinking about you,_’ she thought for the hundredth time that day. She put her phone down, giddy from the exchange.

\--------

At class Monday evening, Valentina looked up from the front of the room to see Juliana walk in and proceeded to drop resistance bands she was holding. The others who were in the room watched the instructor fumbling in an unusually awkward way. Juliana smiled to herself while she found a place for her stuff and joined Valentina in the front of the room. She bent down to help Valentina collect the dropped items and said at low volume, “You don’t have to make a scene to get me to notice you, Val.” Valentina smiled still facing the floor as she gathered the bands. She was bursting to see Juliana and was taken aback by the sight of her with her high ponytail and tight tanktop, but knew she needed to keep a semblance of professionalism intact. So, instead of tackling the dark-haired woman onto the floor like she wanted, Valentina replied, “maybe I knew that you wouldn’t be able to resist coming over to help me. This was all a ploy to get you closer.” Valentina looked up to meet those amber brown eyes, willing herself not to kiss the woman’s face that was inches from her own. With the way Juliana swallowed and kept her eyes on Valentina’s, she was pretty sure the dark-haired woman felt a similar pull. 

“Thank you, Juliana,” Valentina said in a louder voice as they stood up and Juliana walked back to her spot. Valentina cleared her throat and began the class with a demonstration of a new move and a request for the classmates to pair up. Before she could make her way over to her, another student jumped next to Juliana and the two paired up to practice. Valentina proceeded to walk around the room, providing tips and encouragement to all the pairs while simultaneously keeping an eye on Juliana and the other woman, Naya. The two seemed to be laughing more than was necessary. And did Naya need to be touching Juliana’s arms so much? 

She eventually made her way to the pair. “How’s it going here, ladies?” she probed. She found Juliana’s eyes quickly before Naya started to speak, “We’re doing great, Valentina! Juliana is _ so _ good at this move.” Naya looked longingly at Juliana and stroked her bicep as she spoke. Valentina eyed the tiny woman closely, “Oh, great. Why don’t you show me how it goes?” They set up for the hold which involved Naya holding Juliana from behind. Valentina twitched at the sight of Naya’s hands along Juliana’s core, noticing that she was sliding her fingers unnecessarily forward. Juliana quickly grabbed the girl and flipped her, however, shifting her bodyweight appropriately as Valentina had demonstrated earlier. Naya’s eyes beamed up at Juliana, but Juliana was quick to find Valentina’s gaze and asked, “how was that?” “That was perfect, Juls. You’re a fast learner,” Valentina replied. Juliana’s eyes sparkled, “I must have a good teacher.” Naya watched the interaction and unbreaking eye contact between them with a mixture of confusion and annoyance before standing up and stroking Juliana’s arm. “Do you think I can do you next?” Naya asked. Juliana’s head snapped to the smaller woman and the unusual tone she was using, ‘_What the hell is going on? _’ thought Juliana, not used to so much female attention. Valentina pushed her tongue against the inside of her mouth and flexed her jaw. She quickly clapped her hands and addressed the class, “Ok - we’re all done with that move for today. Great work, class.” The pairs separated and, much to Naya’s apparent disappointment, remained that way until the end of the class.

In some unspoken understanding, both Juliana and Valentina packed their stuff slowly and found themselves alone in the vacated studio. Valentina approached Juliana with a soft, “Hey,” and gently caressed her ponytail. “Hey,” Juliana replied with a bright smile. “I’m surprised to find you without a small Naya clinging to your arm” Valentina said with a smirk. Juliana laughed, “That was weird, right? What was that?” Valentina rolled her eyes quickly, “she was flirting with you, Juls. A bit heavy handed, in fact.” “Really?” Juliana asked with a furrowed brow and slightly disgusted face, “why?” Valentina let out a sharp laugh. “Why not? Have you seen you? I don’t blame her, but I also can’t say I didn’t want to push her a little bit.” Juliana laughed loudly and Valentina felt the whole room warm with the sound of it. “Well, I’ll be sure not to invite her for movie night. Do you still want to join?” Juliana asked hopefully. “I know it’s not very exciting and would totally understand if you had something better to do,” Juliana continued, starting to ramble. Valentina slid her hand into Juliana’s and cut her off, “No, Juls - I’m there. I can’t imagine a better way to spend my time.” A slight flush ran up Juliana’s neck as Valentina’s eyes bore into her own. 

The tension broke when Mariana came bounding into the studio and ran to give her mama a tight hug. “Hey mija, we were just talking about Valentina joining our movie night on Friday - is that still cool with you?” Juliana asked her daughter. “Por supuesto!” Mariana replied. “Will you get dressed up again, mami? You always look fancy when you’re going to see Valentina outside of this place,” she gestured to the studio. Juliana blushed. Valentina tried to hold back a smile and addressed Mariana instead: “What do you think, Mari? Is this a fancy event or a pajama movie night?” “Oh definitely a pajama party! You can borrow a stuffy if you don’t have one to bring,” Mariana added decidedly. “That’s very kind of you! I will have to take you up on that offer seeing as I’m all out of stuffies these days. And I’ll keep the tradition alive and bring something sweet to eat. Fair trade?” Valentina asked the little one. Mariana giggled and nodded. 

“Ok ladies, I have to get ready for my next group. See you at class on Wednesday?” Valentina asked Juliana. “Definitely,” she responded. Valentina gave her a quick hug and kiss on the cheek, tousled Mariana’s hair, and headed off knowing that she’d have trouble thinking about anything besides curling up inside the place in her heart where the raven-haired woman had quickly taken up residence. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for being patient! I was traveling and have been battling a cold but plan to get the next one out a lot sooner. I hope you enjoy the shift of focus to Valentina's perspective. Thank you again for reading and for all your comments - I love hearing your thoughts.
> 
> An aside for those who speak through music like I often do: the chapter title is not specifically from the song, but I do love 'I see you' by MISSIO, which has always reminded me of possible thoughts/feelings Valentina would have towards Juliana in canon universe. Let me know your thoughts if you check it out and/or know the song.


	8. Of house and home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentina heads to Juliana's place for movie night with her and Mariana. Some cute bonding between Valentina and Mariana. Valentina and Juliana connect after Mari goes to bed.

“What do you think, Mari? Pizza or tacos?” After an exhausting week, Juliana couldn’t entertain the thought of cooking a meal. She worked two double shifts this week, relying on Perlita to stay with Mariana both nights. She really disliked having to lean on anyone so much, but Perlita insisted that it wasn’t a hassle at all. Juliana was pretty sure the older lady enjoyed their Netflix and comfy couch, so she considered it an acceptable trade. Plus, if there was anything Juliana learned in her time alone with Mari, it was the truth behind the ‘it takes a village’ approach to parenting. It was impossible to do without people you could trust and lean on sometimes, no matter how hard you tried. She was thankful for Perlita and promised herself to have her over for dinner soon as a small thank you. 

“Pizza!” Mariana shouted, snapping Juliana out of her thoughts. “Ok, sounds good. Queso, salchicha, or verdura?” Juliana asked the girl. “Queso - por supuesto, mamá,” Mariana responded, rolling her eyes. “Sheesh. Ok,” Juliana replied, trying to figure out when she started raising a sassy teenager instead of a 7 year old. After a lazy dinner, where Juliana was able to learn all about Mariana’s week - she played some new version of tag at recess, enjoyed writing a story about unicorns, disliked having to read in front of the class, and did two flips on the monkey bars - she noted the time, “Mi cielo, go and change into your PJs while I clean up. Val will be here in a few minutes,” Juliana said to her daughter. “Ok, mami. And you’ll change too?” Mariana asked. “Si mi amor, in a minute. Vete.” Juliana cleared the greasy pizza box and plates just in time for a knock at the front door. She caught her reflection in the oven door and quickly ran her fingers through her hair before answering the knock. 

“Hola guapa,” Val greeted, clad in her matching set of flannel pajamas and red fuzzy slippers. “I”m so ready for this,” she said as she walked into the house. “Yes, I can see that,” Juliana laughed in response as the two greet each other with quick kisses on the cheek. Mariana ran over in her unicorn zipper up onesie. “Oh WOW, but I’m not nearly as ready as this girl - nice PJs, Mari!” Valentina exclaimed. “Thank you! Abue Lupe got me these for my birthday. Look!” Mariana said excitedly as she flipped the hood onto her head, complete with an attached sparkly unicorn horn. Mariana galloped around the room a bit while Valentina and Juliana looked on in amusement. “That’s pretty fabulous. Maybe Abue Lupe can find one in my size for my birthday,” Valentina responded. “When is your birthday?” Mariana asks. “In two weeks, on the 3rd. Maybe too short notice for such a cool find,” Valentina replied. 

Juliana made a mental note of the date before announcing that she was going to change her clothes. “I’m feeling left out of the party here, so I’m going to get my pajamas on. Mari, why don’t you choose a movie in the meantime - we have Toy Story 4 or The Secret Life of Pets 2,” Juliana presented the options to her daughter who put on her best pensive face. With her finger tapping her chin, she eventually answered, “Toy Story 4! I really like the slinky dog and that other red thing with drawings that erase when it shakes.” “An Etch-a-Sketch?” Valentina asked. “Yeah! That thing. It’s some old toy I’ve played with at Abue Lupe’s house,” Mariana responded. Valentina laughed and commented, “Right. An ‘old’ toy. Do kids even know what half the toys in that movie are anymore?” Juliana chuckled. “No, not at all. But it’s talking toys, so I’m not sure it matters that much?” Juliana continued, “Looks like a great choice, Mari. Since you picked the movie, Valentina gets to pick the snack. What’ll it be, Val?” Valentina mimicked Mariana’s finger-to-chin tapping pose before answering, “well, I’ve always been a big popcorn fan. Extra butter, extra salt. Does that work for you, chiquita?” Mariana nodded wildly with a big smile. “You had her at ‘extra’,” Juliana added. 

“Can I trust you to get that ready without burning my kitchen down?” Juliana playfully asked Valentina. Valentina guffawed, pretending to be offended. “Of course!...Well, maybe...Mariana knows what she’s doing, right?” Valentina replied with a wink. “Very comforting.” Juliana smiled in Valentina’s direction. “Ok, I’ll just be 2 minutes,” Juliana said as she walked out of the room. 

Valentina started to prepare the popcorn, handing Mariana some supplies to help. “So, are unicorns your favorite animal?” Valentina asked the young girl. “No. I like them, but I really like tigers the best. What’s your favorite animal?” Mariana asked inquisitively. “Hm. I’d have to say penguins. I think they’re really cute and also are pretty tough to survive in the cold climates they live in. I could never do it!” Valentina responded. They continued their popcorn prep when Mariana randomly said, “Mami laughs a lot when you’re around. I like that.” Valentina looked over at the girl briefly, wondering what exactly was going through her head; kids were so much more perceptive than most people give them credit for. “Oh, you think so? That’s nice to hear - I like that, too,” Valentina started. “Actually, I think making your mom laugh is one of my favorite things to do. If it’s ok by you, I’ll try to do it as much as possible.” Mariana smiled back at the gentle blue eyes before her. It was exciting to have someone new around, Mariana thought, especially someone who brought dessert and asked her questions. She was glad that her mama made a new friend. 

Juliana soon returned with her comfy pajama bottoms, a thin-strapped form-fitting tank top, and her hair thrown up in a high ponytail. Valentina never failed to notice the definition of Juliana’s jawline when her hair was pulled away from her face like this; it made her falter every time. “Están listas?” Juliana asked, oblivious to Valentina’s inability to breathe properly in this moment. “Sí, mami. We made it extra delicious,” Mariana responded with a toothy smile. “Mmm huele rico. I can’t wait to try it,” Juliana said. “Why don’t you run to the bathroom before we start the movie, Mari,” Juliana asked of her daughter. “OK - don’t start it without me!” Mariana said as she literally ran off to the bathroom. Seizing the opportunity of the childless room, Valentina caught Juliana off guard when she leaned over and kissed her. Juliana quickly settled into the soft kiss, feeling an instant flame spring to life inside her with their connected lips. Valentina pulled away after a couple seconds. “I’ve been waiting all week to do that,” Valentina said with a bright smile. “Worth the wait, though.” Juliana thought she must have one of those goofy romcom movie, “where am I?” type of smiles plastered on her face based on how warm and fuzzy she felt inside. “Ok, I”m ready!” Mariana announced as she waltzed back into the room, snapping the women slightly from their bubble. “Ven,” Juliana said as she pulled Valentina gently by the hand into the living room. 

The three settled on the couch with their giant bowl of popcorn. Juliana sat in the middle, with Valentina on her left and Mariana snuggled up to her on her right as they started the film. At some point during the movie, Valentina shifted her body to stretch out her legs to the side and leaned back against Juliana for support. Juliana hesitantly eased into the contact and dipped her head to take in the scent of Valentina’s hair. Valentina turned her head upwards slightly and lifted her eyes to connect with Juliana’s; the two exchanged a warm smile that seemed to convey mutual comfort at this new arrangement. Juliana tried to pay attention to the movie again but found herself taking in the scene in her living room, instead. Her heart felt… something she wasn’t accustomed to. Domestic? She certainly didn’t experience whatever this was growing up, and rarely found it for more than fleeting moments with Mariana’s father. It was better described as a fullness, Juliana thought, still trying to identify the feeling. She sorted through the words that she often compulsively replayed in her mind as she processed her feelings, words like “fear” or “run” that bubbled up as unfortunate by-products of her hyper-vigilance. But, surveying her current surroundings in this moment, she only saw one word repeating in her brain that fit what she understood of this foreign feeling: 

Home. Home. Home. 

She looked over at Mariana then and found her sound asleep. She gently nudged Valentina and whispered into her hair, “Mari’s sleeping. I’m going to take her to her room.” Valentina sat up and gathered the loose items off the girl and couch to help clear a path while Juliana gathered up Mariana in her arms, bride over threshold style. She carried Mariana to her room and laid her daughter down softly in her bed, placing the little one’s favorite stuffed llama into her arms before turning out the lights. She exited the room, quietly closing the door behind her, and re-entered the living room to find Valentina tidying up the place. 

“Oh, thanks, Val. Don’t worry about that. We live with some constant state of disarray in this house.” Valentina smiled as she finished putting away the last of the items, “This ‘disarray’,” she waved her hands around her, “is simply a sign of life and a functional family. I grew up in this immaculately clean, huge house that felt so cold and empty most of the time. I would have traded that for strewn legos and popcorn kernels any day.” Juliana was intrigued by this new information on Valentina’s upbringing. The two plopped back on the couch where Juliana inquired, “Interesting - where did you grow up, exactly? And didn’t you have your siblings around?” Valentina nodded, “well, yes and no. I grew up in the southern part of the city in a fairly affluent area… my father was a media mogul of sorts. He was often working and my siblings were there, but between boarding schools and the general blanket of sadness after my mom died, it wasn’t the warmest of homes…” Juliana nodded, taking in this information when Valentina asked, “What was it like where you grew up?” Juliana hesitated as she reflected on how different their childhoods were. “Eh…” she met Valentina’s soft gaze and welcomed the patient woman’s hand gently caressing her arm, “I spent most of my younger life sleeping on a couch in a trailer. We didn’t have much and moved around a lot. I can promise you that small doesn’t always equal cozy...” Valentina tried to listen to whatever was underneath Juliana’s words without prying further. She had trouble imagining this life and how it produced the kind woman in front of her. 

“Well, you seem to be doing an amazing job with _ this _ home and the life you’re providing for Mariana. She adores you,” Valentina pivoted. “And I’ll tell ya what about this couch” she pointed and added with a smirk, “It’s pretty comfy. You almost had to carry me to bed, too!” “Ah, I thought I heard some snoring coming from that side,” Juliana teased. The two laughed and gradually moved closer into each other’s space as they continued their banter. “Hey! I was not. It’s your fault for being such a comfortable back rest,” Valentina retorted. “Yes, well, I am a woman of many talents,” Juliana smiled as she intertwined her fingers with Valentina’s, trying to return the physical contact the blue-eyed woman so easily gave. Valentina responded, “I see that. Good to know I can add ‘human pillow’ to ‘amazing mom’ and ‘dance floor defender.’ Are there others I should know about?” 

“Besides the superhuman strength I’ve been hiding from you? I’m not sure there are others, no,” Juliana playfully replied. Valentina’s eyebrows lifted, “superhuman, eh?” she said as she slowly pushed her body forward. “I guess you’ll just throw me right off of you then, yeah?” Valentina continued moving into Juliana’s space, hovering above her. Juliana was sitting on her knees on the couch, not moving an inch, watching Valentina’s movements intently. “Well, I don’t want to be _ too _ intimidating,” Juliana flirted back. Valentina made a playful face that silently said “oh yeah, sure,” as their lips met in a slow kiss. After a few seconds, Valentina pulled away slightly. "Super buttery,” she said as she licked her lips. Juliana laughed with a smile that crinkled her eyes and pulled the taller woman closer by her shirt, sliding her mouth over Valentina’s to resume their kiss. Without breaking the connection, Valentina tugged at the shorter woman’s waist, eventually lifting her onto her lap. Juliana moved to straddle the sitting Valentina as they picked up the pace of their renewed kiss. She grabbed Valentina’s face with both hands and deepened it, reveling in the electricity flowing between their tongues and the searing heat of Valentina’s hands sliding against her back underneath her shirt. Juliana sucked on Valentina’s tongue briefly before grazing her teeth along Valentina’s lower lip and pulling at it slightly between her teeth, eliciting a moan-laced exhale from the taller woman.

Valentina raked her fingers across Juliana’s back and arms, imprinting her body against Juliana’s as if it were fresh cement. She shifted her mouth to leave drawling kisses down Juliana’s jawline, skimming past her ear, ultimately sinking into the crook in her neck and sucking lightly. Valentina felt her pulse rising and found herself fighting the desire to throw Juliana back against the couch and trace every one of her curves with her tongue. She was trying to move slow. Trying to steady herself, her breathing, her hands; but she felt herself unraveling. She felt the wetness pool between her thighs and the energy in her fingertips turn more carnal by the second. With every ounce of willpower she could muster, she paused and pulled back slightly, filling her lungs with Juliana’s unique scent of vanilla, salt, and strawberry on her way out. “Juls,” Valentina panted out. Juliana breathlessly responded, “yeah?” and searched Valentina’s dilated eyes, an outline of blue barely visible beyond the blown pupils. Valentina doesn’t let her go; she holds Juliana against her body in desperation and barely gets the words out, “I… I am totally lost in you right now and I need you to tell me to stop or slow down, or--” “I don’t want to stop,” Juliana interrupted. Valentina swallowed and waded in the silence, punctuated only by the sound of her pounding heart and panting breaths. She met Juliana’s eyes, “Me neither. But you’ll tell me, right? If I’m doing something you don’t want or…” With her hands still grasping at the nape of Valentina’s neck, Juliana brought her face closer, brushed her nose against Valentina’s, and whispered, “Yes. I promise. I want this; I want you.” 

The honest remark left her mouth without warning. Juliana couldn’t deny the heat smoldering low in her stomach, one that slowly radiated outwards with every touch and increasingly frenzied kiss. She kept their faces close together, lips millimeters from each other without actually touching. As their breath performed some delicate dance of exchanged air and tension in the liminal space between them, Juliana rolled her hips against Valentina’s abs without thought or control. Valentina’s body flushed at the motion and she pushed Juliana tighter against her. 

Valentina’s focus was distinctly singular, her eyes never leaving Juliana’s lips. Juliana let her eyes roam over the woman’s face in front of her while she slid her fingers through Valentina’s hair on the side of her face, gliding downwards behind her ear. Valentina made slight motions to kiss the dark-eyed woman but came up short. “Let’s go to my room,” Juliana breathed out against Valentina’s lips. She stood from her position on top of the revved up woman beneath her, who let out an involuntary whine when they separated. Juliana only responded with a flirtatious smile and started to walk off down the hall, trailing a dumbfounded Valentina behind her with their fingers entwined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy belated San Valentin, Juliantinas. Looking forward to the next chapter? ;)


	9. I got myself too drunk on you to drive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They make it to Juliana's room. There's smut and feelings and all the things.
> 
> \-----  
Chapter title from 'Crashing' by ILLENIUM (ft. Bahari). 
> 
> "I don't usually say this  
I don't usually play this game  
Yeah I know I'm not faded  
But it kind of feels that way
> 
> I don't usually say this  
But I think I should let you know  
The day, but baby, I don't, I don't wanna go
> 
> How could I go home when I feel like I belong  
In your arms it's like champagne  
Feel it pouring in my veins  
Yeah I got myself too drunk on you to drive  
So I'm crashing here tonight"

The pair quickly made it to Juliana’s room, closing the door softly after they entered. Valentina took in the space for a brief second, finding the simply decorated room of greys and splashes of orange and red so perfectly Juliana. This too felt warm and welcoming, just like the beautiful brown-eyed girl herself. She turned to face Juliana again, who stared back at her with a look that simultaneously expressed hunger and fear. Juliana’s eyes oscillated between Valentina’s eyes and lips as if deciding where she should spend her time; both were mesmerizing. Valentina slid one hand around the shorter woman’s waist and brought the fingers of her other hand up to Juliana’s lips. She ran her thumb slowly across Juliana’s bottom lip and continued to trail her finger down her defined jawline, her neck, her collarbone, her shoulder. She followed her path with her eyes and, as if she were unwrapping an unexpected Christmas present, carefully slid off the straps of the darker woman’s tanktop. She followed with slow, opened mouth kisses from Juliana’s shoulder to the tops of her breasts and back up again to meet her lips. 

The two reignited their makeout session while Juliana walked them forward to her bed. Valentina collapsed backwards onto the mattress once her legs hit the edge. Juliana remained standing in between Valentina’s legs. Looking down at Valentina lying on her back, Juliana quickly removed her own shirt. Valentina sat up slowly and placed her palms against Juliana’s torso, reveling in the tautness of her abs and softness of her skin. Valentina ran her hands down the length of Juliana’s body, eventually meeting the top of her pants. She hesitated before dipping a finger slightly beneath the waistband and sliding it finger across her waistline. Juliana’s body tensed at the motion. Valentina looked up to meet Juliana’s eyes again and Juliana was not sure whether the touch or the licentious look in those electric eyes sent a stronger shock wave through her core. 

Juliana grabbed the hem of Valentina’s shirt and lifted it above her head. She took her turn to admire the lithe woman in front of her, feeling her own desire grow with each article of clothing removed. Juliana skimmed her hands over Valentina’s body; Valentina kept her eyes locked on Juliana’s while she unclasped her own bra in an open invitation to the darker woman. Juliana slid the bra off Valentina’s arms and gaped at the sight before sliding her hands up to Valentina’s breasts. She experimented with the feel, kneading softly, and heard Valentina’s breath hitch as her thumbs flickered over her erect nipples. Juliana was enjoying the call-and-response of the noises that arose from the other woman as a result of the different actions she took. 

Valentina made quick work of removing Juliana’s bra as they resumed kissing and pulled Juliana down against her afterwards; they both moaned into the kiss when they connected bare skin against skin. In a swift motion, Valentina flipped them so that Juliana was underneath her. Juliana pulled away and lifted an eyebrow, “are you using your instructor moves on me, Ms. Carvajal?” Valentina bit her lower lip. “Maybe. Is it working?” she responded before kissing the smile on Juliana’s face, sliding a hand to one of Juliana’s breasts as she brought her mouth down to the other. Valentina wrapped her mouth around Juliana’s right breast and sucked gently before swirling her tongue around the dark nipple. She took Juliana’s breathy moans as positive feedback and continued her ministrations, giving attention to the other side before leaving a trail of wet kisses to Juliana’s waistline. She placed her hands on either side of Juliana’s pants and paused to meet her dark gaze, “Can I?” Valentina whispered. Juliana nodded quickly, breathing heavily. Valentina slid off Juliana’s plaid pajama bottoms and, for a brief moment, took in the bronzed goddess in front of her: caramel skin, hair splayed across the pillow, wearing nothing but underwear as black as her lust-blown eyes. Feeling nervous in the intensity of the taller woman’s stare, Juliana stammered out, “Val - I - no one’s ever… I don’t...” In her head, she was uttering all the things she couldn’t say out loud: _ no one’s ever gone down on me before, looked at me like this, took their time with my body like you are _. The anticipation of it was strange and amazing and scary; it made her self-conscious in a way she hated. As if affection from a caring, loving person was somehow unwarranted or something to shy away from. Or something she never deserved. 

Valentina crawled upwards toward Juliana, realizing the vulnerability she must be feeling. She brushed a lock of Juliana’s hair behind her ear and stroked her cheek with her thumb, “Hey - look at me,” she waited for Juliana’s eyes to meet her own. “You are so beautiful, Juls.” Juliana faltered for a response; she wasn’t used to all this attention, physical or otherwise. “And you deserve to feel good. And loved. And I would be honored to help you to feel those things. If you want. Of course, we can stop any time...” Juliana didn’t know how to adequately communicate all the things she was feeling at the moment: the insecurities of what she thought she did and didn’t deserve; the newness of being with a woman; or the way her body was screaming to be touched by the fitness instructor on top of her. What she did know was that she really didn’t want to be in her head right now or give in to self-doubts. So she threw herself into Valentina’s lips, instead, hoping that she could successfully convey her blatant desire to do anything but stop. She kissed Valentina as if air was only a secondary necessity, simultaneously pushing Valentina’s hand lower to further accentuate what she wanted in that moment. Valentina brushed her hand across Juliana’s center which was beyond damp through the fabric of her underwear. Valentina broke the kiss briefly to mutter, “you’re so wet.” Feeling a renewed sense of confidence, Juliana pulled at Valentina’s pants, wanting them gone, “get rid of these” Juliana commanded. 

Valentina shifted her body to remove her pants and match the Juliana’s state of undress. Still kissing the darker-haired woman, she slid her hands up Juliana’s toned thighs and proceeded to remove Juliana’s underwear before removing her own. The two women reveled in the sensation of their completely naked bodies sliding across each other once they reconnected fully. Juliana found Valentina’s thigh nestled between her own and started to grind down against it without thinking, her body simply looking for friction to counter the pulsing inside her.

She wasn’t overthinking now and realized it felt so fucking good. She had never let herself get lost in sex before. There wasn’t much to get lost in, to most of her recollection. When she first started having sex as a teenager, she was usually bored and uninterested; she simply thought that was what sex was supposed to feel like. Then with Mariana’s father, the hurried motions in combination with psychological trauma left her dissociated, just waiting for it to end. Her pleasure never seemed to be a factor in any of these interactions, and the concept of ‘trust’ was surely lost on her. But here, now, with Valentina, was entirely different. She couldn’t think of anything outside of wanting to feel her slender fingers sinking into every inch of her skin. She wanted her mouth to warm the entirety of her body. And without stopping to think or filter her words, she let her trust in Valentina and the fire in her core drive her demands. “I want you to touch me. I want you everywhere” Juliana husked out in between heavy breaths. 

Valentina pulled herself off the younger woman slightly and quickly moved her mouth down the length of Juliana’s body, kissing and nipping the entire way. When she arrived at Juliana’s navel, she circled it with the tip of her tongue before continuing downwards, losing herself briefly in Juliana’s heady scent and the slickness that glistened in front of her. Juliana’s body arched upwards in anticipation of contact. Valentina pushed forward and buried her face in the soft mound, moving her whole head and extended tongue slowly within the folds. Juliana moaned audibly. The sound made Valentina want to devour her; she settled for tracing her inner folds with a stiff tongue before flattening it against the prominent bundle of nerves at the top. “Oh God, Val. That feels so good,” Juliana panted out as she moved one hand from gripping the bed sheets to the top of Valentina’s head. Valentina loved the sensation. She wrapped her arms under and around Juliana’s legs, which she rested firmly atop her shoulders. She lifted Juliana slightly for better access and dipped her tongue downwards, thrusting it into Juliana’s center, causing the darker woman to temporarily lose her breath and push Valentina’s head tighter against her. Valentina shifted and continued swirling her tongue around Juliana’s clit, changing patterns and speed, listening intently to the sounds and gasps coming from Juliana in the process. “Ahh, Val, así es. Don’t stop,” Juliana whispered as Valentina fell into a rhythm. ‘_ My tongue can fall off first _,’ Valentina thought as she hummed lightly, vibrating against Juliana’s clit.

Juliana looked down briefly at the sight between her thighs. She was surprised at how sexy she found it: this beautiful woman doing this incredibly intimate thing, simply to give her pleasure. It seemed so selfless to Juliana, so full of devotion; exactly how she would describe Valentina. As Valentina continued, Juliana was enjoying the tension of hovering right at the edge of coming apart at the seams. She felt wound to the point of snapping as Valentina continued at a steady pace after Juliana’s last request, flicking over her taut bundle of nerves 

over and 

over and 

over

until a dam inside her burst open. Juliana let the waves of pleasure wash over her as she rolled her hips into Valentina’s face and saw flashes of light behind her closed eyes. Valentina slowed but didn’t stop her strokes, letting the woman beneath her ride out her orgasm until she was too sensitive and signaled Valentina to stop. 

Valentina left a small kiss and pushed herself back up beside the half-conscious brunette, wiping her mouth as she went. Valentina kissed Juliana’s closed eyes and then her lips, bringing her back to Earth slowly. Juliana was surprised at first by the taste of herself interlaced in the kiss, but quickly decided that she liked the reminder of how this satiated feeling came to be in her body. Juliana caressed Valentina’s flushed cheek with her thumb. “And at which class is that move taught?” Juliana asked with a sly smile. Valentina laughed lightly. “The one for advanced students, only,” she responded playfully. 

Valentina was acutely aware of how turned on and incredibly wet she was from everything she just completed. She tried to calm herself as she squirmed slightly, knowing she shouldn’t expect reciprocation from the woman who was new to this. She was caught off guard, however, when Juliana reconnected their lips in a steamy kiss. Juliana took her bravery and rebuilding want, and slid her hands down Valentina’s body until her fingers met the wetness pooling between the taller woman’s legs. Valentina moaned into the kiss when she felt Juliana concentrate on her pulsing clit. “I want to make you feel like that, too," Juliana whispered against Valentina’s lips. "Does this feel good?" she said as she continued her movements, looking into Valentina’s eyes that were blown out almost completely. “Yes. Uhhn, yes,” Valentina rasped, knowing she wouldn’t last long like this. 

Juliana felt her hunger growing. She needed more contact and, at the risk of seeming selfish, removed her hand from Valentina’s center and switched to intertwining their legs and pushing their slick centers together. With a firm grasp on Valentina’s ass and thighs, she moved her hips in a rhythm against Valentina’s to build the sensation, maintaining eye contact as much as she could. Both panting from the exertion, Valentina breathed out, “God, you feel so good.” Juliana brought her mouth to Valentina’s neck and licked off the gloss of sweat before sucking at her pulse point. She used her teeth against Valentina’s skin, biting her and tonguing the raw skin, feeling Valentina grind against her even harder when she did. She took it as a positive signal and proceeded to suck at her neck with more force. She dug her fingers into Valentina’s ass, fastening their lower bodies together in a slippery, delicious mess. “Juliana,” Valentina panted out. Brown eyes met blown blue for the final second before Valentina completely come apart against Juliana, moaning and thrusting against her core in descending intervals. She took in the feel of Valentina shuttering against her, the sweat on Valentina’s back, the smell of her skin; in that moment, Juliana thought she had never felt so satisfied with anything else in her life. 

\----------

The pair laid there, intertwined and sticky, while their heart rates settled back to a normal cadence. Juliana floated her fingers across Valentina’s bare back in a steady rhythm while they breathed in and out in the silence of the room. Valentina eventually shifted so that she could face Juliana while lying on her side. She kissed the darker woman softly before requesting, “Tell me what you’re thinking.” Juliana looked at her. She was, surprisingly, not thinking of much. “Just of the sound of our breathing. And how soft your skin feels,” Juliana responded. After a few more seconds of silence, she threw it back, “tell me what _ you’re _ thinking.” Valentina stared into Juliana’s eyes that looked more of a dark maple in the soft light of the room. She took in their shape and curve, and the flecks of gold that were sewn within them. “I think...that I’m not sure how I got so lucky. And I’m sort of scared I’ve secretly gone crazy and none of this is real,” Valentina said with a small smile. “Please tell me you’re real,” she continued in a more serious tone. Juliana smiled back and kissed her softly, hoping to show versus tell.

After lying there a few more moments, Valentina caught sight of the clock on Juliana’s night stand and tensed slightly. Juliana noticed the gaze shift and then Valentina starting to stir. “Hey, what’s happening? Where are you going?” Juliana asked, confused. Valentina paused her movements and softly stuttered, “I, uh, assumed you wouldn’t want me to stay.. Because of Mariana?” Juliana appreciated the consideration but she grappled onto Valentina’s arm and quickly responded, “No - please don’t go. Quedate conmigo,” her eyes basically pleading with the blue ones in front of her. “Are you sure it’s ok?” Valentina asked, still unsure of the boundaries. “Yes, I’m sure. Now, please, lie back down because I was really comfortable and you ruined it,” Juliana pouted in response. Valentina eased back into the bed and wrapped herself around the nude woman next to her. 

After several moments of quiet and gentle kisses against her shoulder, Valentina asked curiously, “Have you ever been with a woman before?” “No. Definitely a first for me,” Juliana answered. “It wasn’t obvious?” she laughed in a somewhat self-conscious jab at herself. Valentina smiled lightly and responded, “no, it certainly was not.” Juliana raked her eyes over the milky skin around her, still gently gliding her fingers across the landscape of Valentina’s body. “When did you know? That you were attracted to women, I mean,” Juliana asked. Valentina inhaled softly. “That’s always one of those tricky questions… in so many ways, I always knew. But I didn’t always have the words to put to the feelings I felt. Then I assumed everyone had these feelings. Then, when I realized that wasn’t the case, I assumed they’d go away. I wished them away for awhile when I came to understand that, not only was it ‘unusual’ to feel this way about my girl friends, but so many people considered it wrong or evil or disgusting or…” She trailed off before continuing, “I was thirteen when I began to understand that there was something more intense to my friendships, that the desire to touch my best friend - to cuddle with her or caress her hair, nothing overtly sexual - was so strong and not really ‘typical’ friend behavior. I was fifteen when I became friends with Sofia, the first girl I ever kissed. It was so exhilarating and confusing,” Valentina trailed off in a slightly wistful tone. “In retrospect, it was less about ‘knowing’ and more about ‘accepting.’ But hindsight, 20/20 and all that, you know.” Juliana nodded.

“And your family? How’d they take it when you came out?” Juliana asked. “Mixed bag, but largely predictable. Guille was the first person I told and he was amazing; supportive, encouraging. My sister was...hostile, to say the least. But she’s also sort of always hostile. She eventually came around and now is one of my biggest advocates.” Valentina said proudly. “My papa was the most surprising: when I told him, he looked me in the eye and told me that I was always a girl who knew what she wanted, and one that never let anyone steer me away from whatever that was, so he wasn’t going to try. And that he loved me. It was unexpected and really special,” Valentina finished. “That’s beautiful, Val. I’m happy to know you had support. I can’t imagine it was easy figuring that all out on your own… I’m a grown adult and still have trouble processing my emotions” Juliana said with a light laugh. “And uh, I’m sorry to change the subject, but I really have to pee,” Juliana added. Valentina laughed and disentangled herself from the smaller woman.

The two re-dressed in their pajamas - “well, at least my clothing choice was convenient,” Valentina quipped - and got ready for bed. They settled back into Juliana’s bed afterwards, facing each other under the fluffy comforter. “Thanks for staying,” Juliana whispered to the face in front of her. Valentina smiled warmly, “Of course.” After a brief pause, Valentina bit the inside of her bottom lip before asking nervously, “so, uh, what happens in the morning? Will Mari come in here? Should I leave early?” “No, you don’t have to sneak out like some pendeja out the window,” Juliana laughed. “To be honest, I haven’t really thought it through. But, I’m too tired to think about it right now; we’ll figure it out tomorrow,” Juliana sleepily concluded. 

Valentina mulled over the “we” in Juliana’s response and pushed her hesitations aside. She kissed Juliana softly. “Goodnight, Juls,” she whispered. She watched the lids fall heavy over the brown eyes in front of her and listened to Juliana’s breathing deepen and slow. She pushed aside a lock of dark hair, causing Juliana to stir slightly and snuggle deep into Valentina’s neck. She draped her arm around the younger woman’s back, breathed in her scent, and thought of how comfortable this all felt. She had words dripping off the tip of her tongue that she knew she shouldn’t be feeling yet or be thinking so soon. But, like her dad said, she was the kind of girl who always knew exactly what she wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could have edited this chapter for another week, but also wanted to keep moving the story along - I hope you enjoyed it! I've never written smut before; would love to hear your thoughts.


	10. Pancakes and panic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after. Mariana wakes up to both Valentina and Juliana in the house, excited that they had a ‘sleepover.’ Pancakes ensue.

Juliana jolted awake at the sound of Mariana’s footsteps nearing her bedroom door. She found herself enveloped by a slumbering Valentina and sat up in a panic. Unfortunately for the peacefully sleeping woman beside her, this violently rolled her out of bed onto the floor as the bedroom door opened. “Buenos dias, mi cielito,” Juliana said in an unusually excited tone. Her sleepy little one was confused at the commotion, though not as confused as Valentina, who was rudely awoken by a crash landing and still trying to process what was happening. “Good morning, mami...And Val? I didn’t know we were having a sleepover,” Mariana responded innocently. “Uh, yes! It was pretty late when the movie ended, so we thought it was safer for Valentina to stay with us for the night,” Juliana stated, regretting thinking this was an acceptable plan. She was about to start rambling about why Valentina was in her bed and not on the couch before Valentina gathered her senses and chimed in, “which is great because now I can make you my famous pancakes.” Juliana was thankful for the diversion. “I LOVE pancakes! Are they really famous? Like in the Goodness World Record book?” Mariana asked excitedly. Valentina and Juliana laughed. “No, chiquita, not quite that famous. Although, maybe with your help we’ll get there,” Valentina added. Juliana needed a minute to get a handle on the situation, so she switched to the best distraction she could think of, “Would you like to watch a show? Then we’ll make pancakes together, yeah?” Mariana, excited by the prospect of being allowed to watch TV, shouted “OK!” while already half-way out of the room.

“Thank God for distractible children,” Juliana said as she released a deep breath. Juliana turned back to Valentina, who was still sitting on the floor next to the bed. She laughed at the sight of it, “Oye, Val, I’m so sorry!” as she went to pull her up off the floor. Valentina quickly pulled the giggling woman downwards, instead, and tickled her on her sides, making Juliana laugh in earnest. “You’re lucky you’re cute,” Valentina snickered close to Juliana’s face. The pair was tangled up in the dislodged comforter on the floor and Valentina took the opportunity to kiss the brown-eyed woman softly and deeply. “Buenos dias, hermosa” Valentina whispered after separating their lips. Juliana blushed slightly; she wasn’t used to affectionate pet names being thrown in her direction, but found that she loved the way they sounded rolling of Valentina’s tongue. “Buenos dias,” she responded. “I told you we’d figure something out in the morning,” Juliana continued. “Yes, but I didn’t realize that meant being catapulted from the bed!” Valentina laughed. “Nice diversion, by the way,” Juliana said, “...you do actually know how to make pancakes, right?” “I do! One of the few things I can actually cook, but I promise they’re pretty good,” Valentina responded.

Juliana lost herself while staring at the effortlessly beautiful woman in front of her. It was short-lived as her reality quickly settled in again. She grew anxious at the thought of her daughter, thinking that she’d been irresponsible and not thinking through how she would discuss all this with her. What was she going to discuss exactly? She wasn’t sure. Were they in a relationship? Would her daughter understand two women being in a relationship? Would other kids tease her at school if they found out? Or the adults; adults are often the most vicious. Her thoughts began to spiral.

Valentina caught the change in Juliana’s features and downwards shift in her gaze. “Hey,” Valentina started softly. “What’s going on in there?” Juliana connected again with the crystal blue eyes, her mouth silently motioning as if trying to form words but failing. “I..have a lot to do today,” Juliana said as she abruptly got up from the floor. She started to search her room for some unknown object and continued speaking at a fast clip, “I have errands to run and Mariana has a playdate and where the hell are my jeans?” Juliana continued to throw things around her room in a semi-frenetic state. Although Valentina didn’t really understand what was going on, she got herself off the floor, as well, and started to put the disheveled bed back together. “Ok...I will just get going then, Juls. We can do breakfast at another time. I didn’t mean to disrupt your day...” Valentina said in as even of a voice she could manage, trying not to sound hurt. She began to gather her things and found a pair of jeans on a chair. “Here are your jeans,” Valentina said, holding them out in Juliana’s direction. Juliana turned around to see the crestfallen woman holding her pants out to her, barely making eye contact. 

Seeing the normally jubilant woman like this snapped her out of her mania, instantly. She blew out a breath and reached for the jeans, resting her hand on Valentina’s. “No, Val,” she sighed, “I’m sorry. You are not disrupting anything, and I asked you to stay. There’s just... a lot going on in my head.” Valentina searched the brown eyes in front of her. “I can imagine,” she said with a small smile. Valentina lifted her free hand to cup the shorter woman’s face and gently stroked her thumb up and down on Juliana’s cheek. “You can talk to me, whenever. About whatever. I just want you to know that,” Valentina stated. “But it’s also worth noting that you don’t need to figure it all out this instant.” she continued. Juliana was grounded by the touch and the words. “Thank you. Really. I’m not always great about communicating what’s going on in my head, especially when the anxiety kicks in,” Juliana started. “But, therapy must be doing something right because of the fact that I can even tell you that!” Valentina smiled genuinely at Juliana and pulled her into a tight hug. Juliana relaxed against the taller woman and closed her eyes. After a few moments, Juliana pulled back slightly. “Please stay and make us pancakes. Mariana will never forgive you if you renege on your offer,” Juliana said. Valentina hesitated but eventually conceded. “Ok. But only because you played the Mariana card!” Valentina responded. Juliana smiled and placed a quick succession of kisses on the taller woman’s lips and then her cheek before separating to leave the room.

They headed into the kitchen to find Mariana happily watching a cartoon on Netflix. “So, chocolate chip or blueberry?” Valentina asked to the room. Mariana’s eyes lit up, “we can have chocolate chips for breakfast??” Valentina looked to Juliana, “what else have you deprived this girl of?” Juliana rolled her eyes playfully at Valentina before responding to her daughter, “I'll allow it for special occasions, which I'm pretty sure includes Val cooking. So, sure,” she finished, sticking her tongue out at Valentina. The three proceeded to prepare the batter for pancakes, with Valentina leading the charge and Mariana playing sous chef. Juliana readied some coffee while they worked. At some point, she leaned back against the counter and silently watched Valentina help Mariana ladle batter onto the hot, buttered pan. Mariana waited anxiously for the time for flipping. “You have to wait for the bubbles around the edges, like this one,” Valentina showed the eager girl. Mariana beamed when she successfully flipped a pancake. She excitedly looked to Valentina who showered her with praise, “See?! You got it already. That was perfect!” Those feelings of ‘home’ from the night before radiated through her again, thawing all remains of the anxiety she felt earlier. Mariana turned her proud smile to Juliana who returned the excitement, “Great work, Mari! Now you just have to make the coffee and I won’t have to get up on the weekends.”

The team finished cooking the pancakes and ate together, laughing through a jovial breakfast. “Well, ladies, this has been the most fun I’ve had in a very long time,” Valentina announced as her eyes flickered across the table to Juliana. “I have to get going and maybe put on some actual clothes today. Thank you for letting me crash your movie night, Mariana,” she finished. “You’re welcome,” Mariana responded simply. Juliana looked at the younger girl, “And what else should we say to Val?” “Thanks for making pancakes with me! I think they are good enough for the record book,” Mariana stated. “Oh, I totally agree,” Valentina assured. 

They quickly cleared the dishes and Mariana ran off to change her clothes at Juliana’s request. Juliana walked Valentina to the door. “Thanks for doing that - you were right, they were pretty good,” Juliana said. “No problem. Happy to make you breakfast anytime,” Valentina cooed. Juliana’s eyes twinkled and a smile danced across her lips. The two seemed in no rush to end their interaction. “Talk to you later?” Juliana asked, biting on her lower lip slightly. “Definitely,” Valentina responded, leaning in for a surreptitious kiss before leaving the house. 

Juliana went about her Saturday of errands and shuttling Mariana back and forth to a playdate, laughing at how mundane her usual routine contrasted with how unusual her past several hours had been. Exceptionally and wonderfully unusual. Even though her mind whirred with so many questions and thoughts, she found herself smiling as she drove home. She caught a glimpse of her daughter in the backseat through the rearview mirror and knew she should check in with her about the morning. It wasn’t always easy for Juliana to initiate these kinds of conversations, but was trying her best to keep communication open about how she was feeling about all sorts of things in life. She found the car to be conducive space for it as it both trapped you, leaving you with nowhere to run from the conversation, but also provided some security in having other things to look at besides each other.

“Hey, Mari - how did you feel about Valentina being there this morning? Was that ok, or weird, or...” she started, glancing at her daughter’s reaction through the rear-view mirror. “It was fun! I like Val. Can I also sleep with you next time we have a sleepover?” Mariana asked. Juliana blushed slightly. “Hm, maybe…” Juliana responded as her brain struggled for a better response in that moment. She moved on, “I'm glad you like Val. I like her, too.” Mariana asked, “Will she sleep over again? Like tonight?” Juliana chuckled at her child’s innocence and poor concept of adult life. “No, mi amor. Not tonight, but maybe another time… would that be ok with you?” “Yes,” Mariana replied and after a brief pause asked, “Will we make pancakes again?” Juliana understood in that moment that we, as adults, often project more of our insecurities onto our kids and how we think they’ll manage a situation versus how they actually experience it. By the looks of it, the girl was simply thrilled to have Valentina around, this bubbly woman who praises her and introduces chocolate into breakfast. Nothing more, nothing less. “For you? I’m sure of it.”

\-------------

Later that evening, Juliana tucked her tiny adventurer into bed and left the room, feeling like she could finally relax her tired brain. All the demands of the day were done and she could do whatever she pleased (within the confines of her home) during her window of time before she fell asleep. She plopped herself onto her couch and exhaled audibly. Sometimes, she was amazed at how much fit into a typical 24 hours - the mom work, the job work, more mom work, and all of life that happened in between and around them. In her case on this particular day, a lot of life. She had sex with a woman, for one. She had sex, in general, after almost 2 years of not. After being so repulsed by the idea of letting anyone near her, now feeling like she couldn’t get enough of Valentina’s hands on her skin. 

It surprised her, but also didn’t. She had come a long way in the time since they moved, going to therapy, reading, exercising, putting her life back together and learning how to trust others - those who deserved it, of course. Which took time to figure out sometimes; she was skeptical of the apparent goodness in others, wary that it overlayed something else. Like it had with her ex-husband. Like the manipulation that masqueraded as flattery; the insincere apologies and “it will never happen again”s after losing his temper and throwing his backhand against her face. After living so closely to vileness for so long, however, she became adept at quickly identifying it in others. And, even though her first instinct was to distrust any new person, she also recognized a pure heart when she found one. In that regard, she had to give Valentina some of the credit for her recent behavior: the blue-eyed woman was so caring, simultaneously gentle and strong, and oozed vulnerability, that together gave Juliana a sense of comfort and trust that she hadn’t felt with anyone before. Even with her mom, who was essentially her only support and family for most of her life, Juliana sometimes felt betrayed and confused by her willingness to stay with her abusive father when she was younger. She felt in her bones that what she found with Valentina - whatever this was - was different entirely.

As if the other woman heard her thoughts, Juliana’s phone buzzed with a message from Valentina. 

V: Hola preciosa, cómo fue tu día? 

J: Hola, Vale. Good, but exhausting. You?

V: Same. I taught a couple classes with some unexpectedly sore muscles…

Juliana’s face flushed. She thought for a second how to respond.

J: Hm, I guess we need to stretch first next time.

V: Good to know there’ll be a next time.

Juliana felt a sudden pang of wanting Valentina next to her. To kiss her and be near her. She suggested the next best thing:

J: You want to actually talk on the phone? Crazy idea, I know.

Less than 30 seconds after that text, a call from Valentina popped up on her screen.

“Hey,” Juliana answered. “Hi,” Valentina offered smoothly, hearing Juliana’s smile through the phone. “I figured this was more efficient… were you heading to bed?” Juliana started. “No, not yet. I feel like I haven’t even had a minute to unwind,” Valentina replied. Juliana agreed, “I totally know what you mean. Sometimes I feel like I run from one thing to the next and can’t believe that all I have time for is to sleep and do it all over again the next day…” 

“Osea, I wouldn’t mind repeating the last 24 hours, though” Valentina responded in an innocent tone. Juliana smiled, “yeah? Me neither.” After a beat, Juliana continued, “Speaking of, I chatted with Mariana today about this morning and she said you’re welcome to sleepover again.” Valentina laughed lightly, “oh, nice. The Mariana approval is key.” “It is. But she also asked if she could sleep with us if we had a ‘sleepover’ again,” Juliana added. Valentina laughed audibly at this. “Ah. I see. Caveats.” Juliana laughed in response, “yeah, well, we’ll find a work around to that one.” 

Both women settled into the brief lull before Juliana continued, “I really enjoyed last night. I kind of feel like a hormonal teenager because I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, or you.” Valentina was pleasantly surprised by the forwardness. “I can’t stop thinking about you, either,” she responded. “And I meant what I said about it being the best time I’ve had in awhile - and I didn’t just mean being with you. I mean, don’t get me wrong, that was...incredible.” Juliana was worried her heated blush could be felt through the phone. “But, I really enjoy spending time with you _ and _ Mari; this morning felt really nice,” Valentina noted, instantly feeling like her words were failing to convey everything she felt about this woman and what was happening between them. 

But Juliana jumped in immediately, “I know - it did. I’m glad you stayed. And also that I didn’t break you after tossing you off the bed.” “No broken bones. Although, I’m pretty sure that wasn’t why I was sore at class today,” Valentina flirted. “Oh, no? I can’t imagine what else it could be,” Juliana said, picking up the thread. Valentina bit her lip, unsure where this was going. “Mm. I seem to recall some strenuous activity with muscles I hadn’t used in a while…” Valentina started. “I didn’t realize you had to use your jaw in class today,” Juliana teased. Valentina snickered and then said abruptly, “Oh! I forgot - at one point a class member asked me what happened to my neck! I hadn’t noticed the purpleish mark there this morning, so thanks for that.” Juliana couldn’t help but laugh out loud. “Oh gosh, Val, I’m sorry! But also, I’m not.” Valentina smirked and pushed her tongue against her bottom lip. “I see how it is. I will get my revenge,” Valentina played back in a pretend threatening tone. 

Juliana had a strong desire to kiss her the instructor in this moment. How could it have been less than 12 hours since she last saw her? The words fell out before she could stop them: “I wish you were here.” Valentina warmed at the declaration. “I wish I was there, too, chiquita,” she responded with her eyes closed, picturing the piercing brown eyes looking back into her own. They waded in the silence between them before Valentina continued, “Go to bed, guapa. You sound like you’re falling asleep and I know you’re still lying on that comfortable couch,” Valentina said softly to Juliana who was, indeed, falling asleep in the living room. Juliana mumbled, half-coherently, “But I like talking to you.” Valentina smiled. “And I you, babe, but it’s late. I’ll call you tomorrow, ok?” Juliana smiled at the term of affection. She wasn’t sure why it felt so good to hear, but she hoped the other woman never stopped using them. “Yes ok fine, profesora. I’m going,” Juliana responded. “Buenas noches, Vale.” “Goodnight, Juls.” And with a gentle click on the line, Juliana sighed and dragged herself to her room where she threw her exhausted body back down onto her bed. She was instantly hit with remnants of Valentina’s scent that had clung to her pillows and sheets. She wrapped herself against them and drifted off to sleep with a smile curled on her lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really thought this was going to be a short linker chapter. I was wrong! I also thought I'd make it to about 10 chapters in total, but now feel like there's still so much to their story. Thank you all so much for reading and commenting - I look forward to your comments and they've made me smile after some really long days.


	11. Make it look easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentina has some adventures in babysitting as she finds herself taking care of Mariana for the evening. Juliana and Valentina better define their relationship.

By Monday, the calm of the weekend had passed and Juliana was scrambling after an off morning with Mariana. “Mija, por _ favor _, put on your shoes. We have to leave NOW - we’re already late!” she irritably snapped at her daughter. Like most young children, the concept of time was incomplete at best. And, like for many moms, “we’re late” felt like it played on a broken record out of their mouths. She was welcomed to Mariana’s school by the rude principal (“late again, Ms. Valdes?”) and rushed to Perlita’s where she barely had time to down a cup of coffee before her shift officially started. 

“Hola, Perlita. Cómo estás hoy?” Juliana hugged the older woman who was looking a little weary. “Ah mija, no estoy bien. Tengo resfriada,” Perlita responded with a sniffle and fistfull of tissues. “Oh, Perlita! You should go home and rest - you can’t be here serving food like that, anyway,” Juliana smiled sympathetically. “Si pero, how will you do this on your own?” Perlita responded. “Eh, don’t worry about it - I got this. Por favor, go home and get some sleep. And take some soup from Diego on the way out!” Juliana said in reference to the diner’s chef. The older woman hesitated, but knew Juliana was right. She took up the offer and responded, “Ay, gracias, mi niña. I owe you one.” Juliana breathed out a laugh, “Perlita, I’m simply returning the favor. Llámame si necesitas algo. Sentirte mejor!”

Juliana watched the petite older woman head out the door. Inhaling deeply, ‘_ Ok, here we go _ ,’ Juliana thought to herself as she took an order from the beginnings of the breakfast rush. As she worked, she thought about Mariana and how she would cover the evening shift for Perlita, at least until another coworker arrived. Her brain cycled through the mental gymnastics parents do to accomodate the logistics they execute every day: the pick ups, drop offs, lunches, extra curricular activities, preparing dinner, bed time, alarm clocks, laundry...the list went on and on when you really broke it down. She thought about asking Paola, another parent she was friendly with, to bring Mari home from school, which would allow her to stay until dinner when Carlos, another waiter, would arrive. It was Monday, which meant she normally went to Valentina’s class in the evening. ‘ _ Not really an option tonight _ .’ Juliana sighed internally, ‘ _ But, it would be nice for Mariana to get to her karate class instead of being stuck behind the counter here _.’ She continued processing her options as she refilled the remaining customers’ coffees.

She thought for a brief moment of Valentina. Could she ask her to help with this? Or was that just a bad idea? It’s not that she didn’t trust her with Mariana…. Although it’s true that she really wasn’t sure how the instructor would handle the child alone. ‘_ Has Val ever even babysat before? _’ Juliana pondered. Mariana wasn’t a baby, anyway, and was pretty self-sufficient. It was more that this just felt like too much to ask from the woman. But, she really was in a jam and didn’t have many others whom she trusted and could be available on such short notice. There was no way she could make Perlita come back to work, and it was typically a very last resort to close the place during the dinner rush. Not only was that bad for the restaurant, but Juliana relied on those tips. She swallowed her pride and doubts, and decided to call Valentina.

“Hola, cariño - how are you?” Valentina chirped when she answered Juliana’s call. “Aren’t you at work?” she continued, a bit more concern in her voice. Juliana chimed in, “hey, Val. I’m ok. How are you doing?” “I’m good, bebe. Just got the studio. Are you coming tonight?” Valentina asked. “No, I can’t. Perlita is sick and I’m taking over her shifts until Carlos can get here. That’s why I’m calling, actually,” Juliana continued. “Would it be too much trouble if Mariana was dropped off to the studio? She could go to her karate class and then maybe you could bring her home to our place? I wouldn’t normally ask this, but I’m really stuck tonight,” Juliana finished bringing her nail to her teeth out of nervous habit. “Of course, Juls. I’ll get her to class and then we will head back to your place. What time will you be home? I’m happy to make some food for her,” Valentina replied. “I should be there by 8. That would be amazing, though - anything simple for dinner is fine. Thank you so much, Vale. En serio, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this,” Juliana answered. “It’s not a problem at all. And I’m sure I’ll find a way for you to pay me back,” Valentina quipped. Juliana smiled. “You name it,” Juliana responded. “Ok - I have to run - she will be dropped there by another mom by 4:30. Gracias, mi persona favorita!” Valentina laughed, “De nada, mi reina. Nos vemos.”

Valentina hung up the phone with her typically smitten smile sitting on her face just as Lucía came in, “what’s up with that face, Vale?” “Huh? What face?” Valentina responded. “The one you have right now, like you’re trying to suppress giddy laughter” Lucía said, eyeing the other woman suspiciously. She continued, “wait. I know this face. Are you… seeing someone?” Valentina tried to hold back her burgeoning smile, but it was useless; thinking of Juliana melted any control she had. She struggled for the words, “I.. yes? Yes. We haven’t really made it ‘official’ but, yes. I’ve been seeing someone. It’s...she’s...” Valentina tried to explain but all she could do was smile, turning red and bringing her hand to cover her face. “Wow - it’s like that, huh? That’s great, Valentina. I’m really happy to hear this,” Lucía warmly stated. “And who is the mystery woman?” “She’s actually a student in one of my classes,” Valentina started as she blushed further. “It’s, uh, Juliana. Mariana’s mom?”

Lucía tried to hide her surprise. “Neta? Que guay, Valen. But, what about Mari… is this something you’re ready to get into?” Lucía gently probed. She was one of Valentina’s closest friends and the instructor knew she only kept her best interests at heart. “You know? It is. Mariana is great and we get along well. And Juliana… well, she’s pretty great herself. She’s had a past that wasn’t particularly kind to her and yet she’s somehow this funny, caring person, who totally owns her life. I feel like she’s worth rearranging mine for,” Valentina replied with a small shrug. Lucia smiled at the taller woman. “It’s nice to see you lit up like this. It’s been a while,” Lucía noted. “And anyway, they’re both lucky to have you, too,” she concluded. “Thanks, Lu,” Valentina responded.

“Ok, vamanos. Mari’s actually getting dropped off here tonight and I’m going to take her home after your class. Juliana was stuck at work,” Valentina explained. Lucia laughed, “wow ok, so you’re already up to co-parenting?” “No, it’s not like that. She was covering for her boss who is sick and needed help. I think it’s actually really difficult for Juliana to reach out for help, so I’m actually kind of flattered,” Valentina astutely noted. She continued, “I’m a little nervous though… I don’t think anyone has trusted me with their child before!” Lucía laughed, “you’ll be fine. Like you said, Mariana is a good kid. Not a pain in the ass like some of the others in my class.” Valentina laughed and smacked her arm playfully. “Seriously, Vale - have you not heard them? I may or may not “accidentally” hit some of them with the foam noodle when we’re practicing ducking and dodging,” Lucía continued in her dry humor. “But, seriously, you’ll be fine. Don’t stress too much. Oh, but don’t forget to feed her before class. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about children is that they turn into angry gremlins when they don’t eat every couple of hours.” Valentina smiled, “Noted. Thanks for the tip,” she responded as she hugged the blonde woman before heading off to ready her room for class.

\--------

Mariana arrived as expected and happily went off to her karate class after eating a quick snack. Valentina made an effort to end her class a few minutes early so that she could pack up and be ready by the time Mariana’s class ended. She met Mariana at the end of her class. “Hey, chiquita. You ready? How was class today?” she asked while grabbing the girl’s backpack. “Good. We learned how to do a roundhouse kick. Do you know how to do those?” Mariana asked, turning her inquisitive brown eyes up to Valentina. “I do! They take some balance, but they’re powerful when you get it right,” Valentina replied. “Yeah, Ms. Lucía demonstrated on Eva again and boy did she give her a good kick,” Mariana noted. Valentina chuckled. She would never understand the dynamic of those two - they’d been married for almost 10 years, but you would think they were the best of enemies at times.

“So, your mama had to work a little late tonight. Tía Perlita is sick and your mama has such a big, beautiful heart that she told her to go home and rest while she stayed at the diner,” Valentina explained to the girl who nodded in response. “What would you like to have for dinner? I’ll do my best to prepare whatever you’d like.” Mariana thought for a bit, “I want chicken quesadillas. And watermelon. And pickles.” Valentina thought that was an odd mix, but also remembered her sister venting once about the weird dietary habits of her niece, so she assumed it was normal and just rolled with it. “Ok, that all sounds doable. Let’s just make a quick stop at the grocery store to grab some things and then we’ll head home - to your home, I mean,” Valentina said.

They traveled to nearby store that was one of those large grocery stores instead of the smaller markets Valentina preferred, but this was the most convenient today. The two grabbed a cart and started on their route around the cavernous store. They were making their way through the aisles when Valentina saw one of the students from class, who happily chatted her up. Without realizing that the attention span of a 7 year old waned quickly with adult conversation, Valentina failed to notice Mariana wandering off to check out the candy aisle. 

By the time Valentina turned around from her conversation, Mariana was nowhere in sight. She was only in the next aisle, but, not knowing this, Valentina panicked. She started, unfortunately, in the opposite direction of where the girl was basking in the glow of sweets and chocolate, frantically looking up and down the aisles and calling her name. And then, she froze when she heard what sounded like a crash of thousands of pebbles hitting the cold linoleum floor. She ran toward the noise and saw the girl frozen in a sea of jelly beans. “Mariana! Are you ok?” she called as she carefully tread her way to the girl. Mariana looked up at Valentina's concerned face and burst into tears. A manager ran over and started in a belligerent rant, “what happened here?! Don’t you know how to control your kid??!” Valentina barely knew how to react, “she’s n-,” she stopped herself. “You know what? Accidents happen, wey. Calmate! Maybe you shouldn’t put such a hazardous display in the aisle that is sure to attract children!” she snapped back. She turned her attention to the girl who had tears running down her cheeks. Valentina bent down to her level and spoke softly. “Hey, Mariana - everything is ok. Are you hurt?” The girl shook her head. “Ok. Do you want to tell me what happened?” Mariana hesitated and in between shaky breaths, responded, “I just wanted to see the jelly beans, but when I grabbed one jar, the whole thing came tumbling down.” The manager scoffed and Valentina shot him an icy glare before returning her attention to the girl in front of her. She gently wiped her tears away with both thumbs. “That’s ok, Mari. It was an accident. You didn’t do anything wrong.” The young one nodded in response. “Isn’t that right, Mr…” she caught a glimpse of the nametag of the manager, “Roberto?” 

The manager returned Valentina’s hard stare. Mariana tugged at Valentina’s jacket and whispered in her ear. Valentina smiled at the girl and then looked up at the manager, “she wants to know if she can help clean up.” The manager’s glare softened at the thoughtful gesture and sighed. “No. No, that’s ok. Thank you for the offer, but your mom is right: accidents happen. And we’ve sure dealt with worse,” he concluded. Valentina froze, unsure of how she should respond in this situation. Does she correct him? Would that be worse or better for Mariana? ‘_Why are there no guidebooks for this???_’ she screamed internally. Before Valentina could respond, Mariana said simply, “she’s not my mom.” Valentina shot the girl a small smile as she stood up to her full height. The manager looked a little confused but also uninterested in probing further. “Thanks for understanding,” Valentina said before taking Mariana by the hand and returning to their cart in the neighboring aisle.

They collected their things and silently made their way to checkout counter. Valentina tried to ease the tension and asked, “Is there anything else you’d like to get before we leave? The little girl shook her head, still not speaking. “Mariana, it’s ok - you’re not in trouble. If anything, it’s my fault for not paying attention to where you were,” Valentina tried. “No, it’s my fault. I always spill things. My dad used to get so mad about that,” Mariana mumbled with her head dropped. Valentina felt her stomach sink, not knowing how best to respond. She regained her senses after a beat and started, “I break things all the time. The other day, I was talking so excitedly to Lucia at the studio that I sent her mug flying off the table, dousing her in - thankfully lukewarm - coffee! And one time in class, I dropped a student,” she noted as they waited on the checkout line, catching Mariana’s shimmering eyes looking up at her. “You dropped a student?!” Mariana exclaimed. “Yup. It was one of my first classes and I was nervous, and I totally dropped her. She was ok, but I was mortified!” Mariana giggled. “I try to be more aware of my surroundings these days, but kiddo, accidents happen. And it’s totally ok! _ Especially _ when no one is hurt in the process. Everything can be fixed,” Valentina concluded. “Everything?” Mariana asked. “In my opinion, there are very few things in life that can’t be, at least in some way or another. But, it helps to have some good people and friends around to help you out,” Valentina added with a warm smile. Mariana smiled back. 

Valentina paid for the groceries, grabbed the bags, and led them from the store back to the car. Once inside, Mariana spoke. “Val?” Valentina paused before starting the car and turned to the girl in the backseat, “Yes?” “I’m glad you’re my friend. And mama’s.” Valentina smiled broadly. “I’m really glad about that too, chiquita.” Mariana’s face suddenly dropped again. “What’s wrong?” Valentina asked. “Do you...uh… do you think mami’s going to be mad at me?” Mariana asked in a small voice. In all honesty, Valentina had trouble picturing Juliana getting angry about anything. She seemed so measured and patient most of the time. She didn’t really know how she’d react to this though, seeing as she left Valentina in charge of her kid and she managed to lose track of her and cause a scene in the store. She was suddenly nervous that Juliana would be mad at _ her _; she felt horrible. “Nah, I think she’ll understand,” Valentina said, trying to comfort the girl while hiding her own uncertainty, “and I got your back. I promise,” she concluded. Mariana returned a smile and Valentina turned back around to head out of the parking lot to Juliana’s house.

\---------

Valentina and Mariana made it home and prepared dinner (quesadillas, watermelon, and pickles, as requested) without further issue. Valentina loved hearing about Mariana’s day and who her friends were. She, perhaps naively, was impressed by the fully functioning tiny human in front of her. She hadn’t spent much time around kids older than toddlers and was pleasantly surprised to understand that they had so much personality and interesting thoughts. And a lot of questions. Or at least Mari did. But, she loved that curiosity in her and hoped the young girl never lost that feature. They finished eating and Valentina prompted, “Ok, I think it’s about time for you to start getting ready for bed, kiddo. Do you need help or are you ok to start on your own?” “I can do it myself,” Mariana responded. “Ok - Your mom should be home any minute, anyway. But, can you imagine the bonus points I will get if you are all ready for bed?” Valentina joked with the girl. 

Mariana smiled and headed towards her room which Valentina stayed behind to clean up the kitchen. As predicted, Juliana arrived within the next 5 minutes to Valentina washing dishes in the sink. Juliana walked in the house, exhausted and drained from the day, but smiled instantly seeing the scene before her. “Well this is definitely a nice sight to come home to,” Juliana noted as she dropped her things and removed her coat. Valentina looked over her shoulder at the newly arrived woman while keeping her hands in the soapy water. “Hey, gorgeous. I’m almost done and your little one is getting ready for bed as we speak.” Juliana walked over to the leggy woman at the sink, gripped her waist gently, and left a soft kiss on the back of her neck. “Thank you,” she whispered before heading off to Mariana’s room. Goosebumps prickled up all over Valentina’s skin from the gesture and she bit her lip in attempts to suppress the foolish grin taking over her face.

Juliana was reading a book with Mariana when Valentina popped her head through the door. “Ok if I come in?” Valentina asked. “Of course,” Juliana replied. “I uh.. thought it would be a good idea to let you know about something that happened at the grocery store today,” Valentina started somewhat nervously, glancing at Mariana. Juliana put the book down to listen, looking quickly to her daughter and back to Valentina. “Ok…” Juliana replied, attention perked. “Well, we went to pick up some ingredients for dinner and while we were shopping, I got distracted talking to someone I knew and didn’t realize that Mari had ventured off to another aisle,” Valentina explained. “And then there was a little accident involving a candy display and spilled jelly beans,” she continued. She quickly added, “but everyone was ok and everything was fine in the end because accidents happen! Do you think I captured everything, Mari?” Mariana looked hesitantly towards her mother, unsure of her reaction, “Yes...I’m sorry mami, it was an accident. I know I shouldn’t have wandered away, but I just wanted to see the candy aisle which was right next to where Valentina was.” 

Juliana looked her at her daughter’s nervous concern, only matched by Valentina’s jitters, and knew there was nothing to be gained by being mad in this situation. “My love, I know accidents happen. I tell you that all the time. But, I am not thrilled that you wandered away from the adult you were with without telling them. That’s not a safe idea,” Juliana explained to her daughter. Mariana nodded, “I know, mami.” Valentina jumped in, “really, it’s my fault. I’m sorry for getting distracted and not realizing it right away. I’m so sorry, Juls,” Valentina rambled out, feeling guilty and like she made some fatal parenting error. Juliana smiled warmly at the now visibly panicking woman, “Val - it’s really ok! These things happen. Kids move quickly! And I know you’re not used to staying on top of other people like that; it’s a learned skill.” Valentina felt that the woman’s placating was sincere but also didn’t love the feeling of failing at her first parent-like endeavor. Mariana chimed in, “Val yelled at the manager when he was getting mad about the spill. He wasn’t being very nice.”

Juliana gave a look of surprise to Valentina as she responded, “did she now?” Valentina gave an embarrassed smile. “Well, I didn’t yell at him exactly, but made it clear that accidents happen. And Mariana very kindly offered to help clean it up, which he appreciated but declined.” Juliana smiled. “That was very kind of you, Mariana. I am proud of you for that.” Juliana inhaled deeply, “Ok, well thanks for letting me know. I think it is most definitely time for bed after such an eventful day!” Juliana concluded. The women said goodnight to the groggy girl and headed back out into the living room.

Valentina cautiously approached the dark-haired woman once they were alone. “Juliana, really, I am sorry for taking my eyes off her. That won’t happen again. I’m sorry I let you down…” Valentina stammered out. Juliana gave a sympathetic smile. “First off - I said it’s ok, and I meant it. You didn’t let me down, Val.” She took Valentina’s hands in her own and brushed some hair out of the taller woman’s face. “And it will probably happen again, to be honest. Maybe not that exact same situation, but some other variant of ‘dropping the ball.’ Because parenting is hard and it’s impossible to be perfect - partly because there’s really no definition of what that means. Even though moms are especially good at constantly feeling like we’re failing. Somehow always missing the mark of that unattainable perfection,” Juliana huffed out as an aside. “You know, many days I feel like I’m just flying by the seat of my pants and hoping for the best, and I’ve been doing this job for over 7 years!” Juliana offered. Valentina smiled back “You did me such a HUGE favor today and I am so _ so _ appreciative,” Juliana concluded. Valentina looked back at the patient brown eyes in front of her with relief. “Juls, please know you can always lean on me for help. But, thank you for saying all that. It was otherwise uneventful and really great spending time with Mari,” Valentina responded.

In the midst of their conversation, the two women had made their way to the couch and settled with Valentina laying across it with her head in Juliana’s lap, looking up at the brown-eyed woman as she talked. “Maybe it’s just something with Mari and grocery stores?” Juliana continued as she stroked Valentina’s hair. “One time I took her out when she was about 3. She was sitting in the cart and I turned around for 2 seconds - I swear, it was not more than that - and the next thing I knew, half a shelf of pickle jars were on the floor of the store. To this day, I still have no idea how she did that.” Valentina laughed. “Does she have a thing for pickles, too? Because that was an interesting addition to our dinner this evening,” Valentina noted. Juliana laughed in response, “yeah, maybe that’s it.”

“Muevete. I want to lay down, too,” Juliana said as she lifted Valentina’s head from her lap and turned her own body horizontally next to her on the couch. The two women snuggled close facing each other. “Ugh it feels so good to lay down! What a long fucking day,” Juliana sighed as she stretched her neck. “Oh, mi amor. I’m sorry you came home to more stress after such a long day,” Valentina replied with a pout on her face, reaching out to softly massage the tired woman’s neck. Juliana smiled softly and scanned the blue eyes in front of her as she mindlessly circled her fingers around Valentina’s exposed torso. “Val, I came home to _ you _ in my house - doing the dishes, no less! That is the opposite of stressful. Mariana is safe and home in her bed. All the other stuff? That’s just life; nothing I can’t handle.” Valentina tugged the dark-haired woman closer. “I know. You’re my superwoman. And I love that about you,” Valentina said before kissing the lips across from hers. Juliana melted into Valentina’s kiss and slowly breathed her in. It felt like she was taking her first full inhale of the day. Maybe it _ was _ the first time she took a full breath, she thought. Or maybe it was just the calm this woman brought to her soul like some human form of Valium. She wasn’t sure and didn’t care in that moment.

Valentina’s tongue slipped across Juliana’s lower lip, finding its way inside to dance with Juliana’s. Juliana’s hands slid further up Valentina’s shirt until they hit the instructor’s sports bra, fumbling for entry under the tight fit. Valentina couldn’t stop herself from laughing; thankfully, she opened her eyes to Juliana doing the same. “What in the hell,” Juliana noted in playful frustration. Valentina sat up and took it and her shirt off, leaving her chest bare before lying back down next to the gaping woman. “Better?” Valentina asked. “Much,” Juliana replied before continuing their heated kiss. Her hands had free reign on Valentina’s body now and she kneaded them slowly into her soft skin and taut muscles. Juliana pushed her weight forward so that she was on top of Valentina. She proceeded to decorate Valentina’s neck with open-mouthed kisses as her hand traveled the length of the taller woman’s body down to her center. She slid her hand slowly under the waistband of Valentina’s yoga pants and felt the heat radiating from between her legs. Right as she was about to make contact with the throbbing center, Juliana’s phone rang. Juliana jumped at the unexpected noise and the two laid in silence trying to catch their breath and identify the source of the interruption.

Juliana scrambled for her phone while Valentina covered herself in a nearby blanket. “It’s my mom,” Juliana observed. “I have to take this, Val, I’m sorry.” Valentina waved her off, “of course.” Juliana answered the phone. “Mamá? Estas bien? It’s late.” Valentina started to look for her shirt as Juliana continued her conversation. “Ah ok. Bueno - can I call you back in 5 minutes, then? I just need to say bye to my...friend, Valentina, who’s here… yeah, she stayed with Mari while I worked a double shift covering for Perlita today…” Juliana continued with her eyes flitting over to Valentina who was getting dressed and tidying the couch. “Ya nos hablamos, mama, chau.” 

Juliana met the now standing and clothed Valentina. “Sorry, morrita - I haven’t spoken to my mom in a few days and we’re also trying to arrange her visit next week.” “No worries, Juls. I understand,” Valentina started. “I should get going, anyway…. Maybe a rain check on finishing what we started, another night?” Valentina asked with a mischievous twinkle in her bright blue eyes. Juliana wrapped both hands around the taller woman’s neck and kissed her lips before responding, “Absolutely. I promise to make it up to you,” she added with a simultaneous drag of her nails down the back of Valentina’s neck. Valentina shivered slightly. “Ay, no me provoques,” she responded, essentially having to pry herself away from the tempting woman in front of her. She kissed Juliana again before pushing away to leave, “Buenas noches, Juls.” Juliana was getting used to the heart flutters and dopey grins she was left with, watching the taller woman’s cascading hair trail behind her as she left her house. 

\--------

The rest of the week was busy for both women and, while they texted and talked on the phone, it was impossible to spend time together in person. After Juliana missed another of Valentina’s classes due to some work shift rearrangement, Valentina decided to surprise Juliana at work on Friday afternoon.

The last of the dying lunch rush found Juliana wiping down tables and refilling ketchup bottles when Valentina walked through the diner door. The jingle of the attached bell made Juliana look up and the identity of the customer caused her to light up. “Val! What are you doing here?” she said, the joy evident in her tone. She walked over to hug her the woman clad in her trademark black leather jacket and black jeans. “Well, I heard they have really cute servers here. It appears I heard right,” Valentina replied with a smirk. Juliana smiled and nervously pushed hair behind her ears. Valentina continued, “Actually, it’s just been too many days since I saw you. I hope it’s ok that I came to say ‘hi’.” “Yes! It’s perfect. Most of the lunch crowd is gone, so I can take a short break. Do you want anything to eat?” Juliana asked. “No, I’m good right now, thanks,” Valentina replied. “Ok, give me a minute and we can go outside,” Juliana said as she walked off to tell Perlita she was taking a break out back.

The two women headed out the back door and sat at a picnic table that was typically occupied by workers on their smoke breaks. Juliana was thankful that no one else was around this sunny afternoon. “So, it’s been quite a busy week for you, huh?” Valentina started. “Yes, incredibly. I’m so happy I’m not working most of this weekend,” Juliana noted. “Actually, my mom arrives on Saturday with Panchito. I was thinking of having lunch at my place on Sunday with them and a few others… would you like to join?” Juliana asked with a hint of nervousness in her voice. “Sure! I’d love to. Does your mom have a favorite dessert? I clearly win the Valdes family over with treats,” Valentina replied. Juliana smiled. “Hmm, I’ll think about that and let you know,” Juliana answered.

Somewhere in the conversation, their hands found each others and they sat for a moment playing with their intertwined fingers. Juliana broke the silence when she asked, “Val, can I ask a question?” Valentina replied, “Of course, and you don’t need to ask permission.”Juliana took a deep breath before asking, “I was talking to my mom the other night, after you left, and I mentioned you and I wasn’t sure how to… well...What are we? I mean.. Are we… And how do I explain this to Mari? I have to admit, I’m not even sure what to say.” She continued in a rambling pattern, “And it’s really not because you’re a woman. I don’t think I’d know how to approach this with her, regardless. I’m sorry, maybe it’s too soon to make you define this. This is new to me, and I just...I don’t want her to get hurt again. I don’t mean you’re going to hurt her, I just…” Juliana struggled with her meandering thoughts.

Valentina took Juliana’s hands in her own and found her eyes, “Juls - stop - I hear you,” she started, trying to halt the spiraling she learned to recognize within the dark-haired woman. “I understand the layers at play here, and you have every right to ask to define ‘what we are.’ I really, really care about you. And Mariana. I would never do anything to hurt either of you. But, I also know that I don’t really know what it means to be a parent and I don’t want to overstep. In that regard, I’m going to follow your lead. What I can tell you is that she sees when you’re happy; she told me so, herself.” Juliana was puzzled, “huh? When?” “Movie night when we were making popcorn. She told me you laughed a lot when I was around and that she liked it. She’s an observant kid,” Valentina responded. Juliana found this new information heartwarming; it felt special to her that her daughter noticed a change in her when Valentina was around. “Wow, I didn’t realize you two had such profound conversations when I wasn’t around. For all of five minutes,” Juliana smirked. “And it’s true. She hears things even when you think she’s not listening. And, like most kids, absorbs things you don’t even realize you’re doing. Which is why I’m trying to be responsible with my choices, because they impact her so significantly,” Juliana finished.

“Of course. But her seeing you happy? That can only be good for you_ and _ her, Juls. As for me, I love spending time with you; it’s embarrassing to admit, but when you’re not with me, I spend most of my day thinking about what you’re doing, or when I can make you smile again or… it’s annoying, really,” Valentina added in jest. Juliana’s heart fluttered. “We can take whatever steps you want and go as slow as you want. I’m not going anywhere,” Valentina said, searching the brown eyes in front of her. “Te quiero. Mucho,” Valentina concluded rubbing her thumb gently across the darker woman’s hand, helplessly dropping her gaze to the shorter woman’s lips before returning to her eyes.

Juliana wished they were not outside Perlita’s restaurant. Her desire to press herself into Valentina and kiss her was escalating. She wanted to show her that she felt the same, but she struggled with revealing all that out here in the open. She begrudgingly had to communicate via words. “Val - me encantas. You are so great with Mari and I think she really likes having you around. And, I also think about you constantly,” Juliana noted bashfully. “This was probably the last thing I expected in my life for so many reasons, but,” she took a breath and met Valentina’s celestial eyes, “estoy enamorada de ti.”

Valentina short-circuited briefly as if her brain couldn't handle the magnitude of the shorter woman’s confession. She let out a nervous, giddy, snort-like laugh before composing herself. “Estoy enamorada de ti, tambien, Juls,” Valentina replied. They stared at each other for a moment before Valentina continued playfully, “Soooo, what you’re saying is, estamos novias. Sí? Es eso?” Juliana’s smile reached her eyes as she pushed her forehead against the taller woman’s. She couldn’t contain herself; she kissed her, fitting her lips against Valentina’s like it always felt like they did: perfectly. The two lost themselves in the soft exchange, holding their clasped hands close between their chests, oblivious to the restaurant owner observing from the back window of the diner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hola! How do you think this is going to play out? Thanks for reading this long chapter, and for sharing your thoughts, always. Happy October, Juliantinas.


	12. Suegras and tías and exes, oh my

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lupe and Panchito are visiting and Juliana hosts a small party at her place where they meet Valentina. The day becomes more emotionally taxing than Juliana could have expected.

Lupe and Panchito arrived at the airport to a bouncing Mariana holding up a hand-made sign that colorfully exclaimed, ‘Bienvinidos Abuela y Abeulo!’ Mariana received her characteristic bear hug from Panchito and inundation of kisses from Lupe while Juliana looked on in smiles. “Hola mama!” Juliana kissed her mom hello and subsequently Panchito who hugged her tightly. His hugs were as warm as he was; Juliana was so thankful for him in he and her mom’s life. “Mi Juli, cómo estás hijita?!” Lupe said with enthusiasm as she cupped and scanned her daughter’s face for all the things that could have changed or happened in the woman’s life in the last 6 months. “Bien, mama. Muy bien,” Juliana replied with a genuine smile. “Siiii, eso puedo ver - you look fantastic. Look at your hair! It’s so long,” Lupe cooed as she tousled the dark locks. “Gracias, mama.”

“And you! Mi nieta linda preciosa,” Lupe strung together her praising epithets while attacking her granddaughter’s face with kisses again, “I can’t believe how tall you are! I guess mami’s been feeding you well, yeah? Or is it Perlita?” Mariana laughed as Panchito scooped her up in his arms. 

The group continued the joyful conversation of catching up after too much time apart as they exited the airport and headed home to Juliana’s house. After settling into the guest room, Juliana and her mom made dinner together while Panchito and Mariana played a new board game in the living room. “So mijita, how are things going here? Is the job in the diner working out with Perlita?” Lupe asked her daughter. “Si, mama. Perlita is wonderful. She helps with Mari when she can and I try to help her as much as possible in return,” Juliana responded. “Ay que bueno. I know it’s not really what you thought you’d be doing with your life, mija. But, it’s stable and she’s like family,” Lupe continued. “I know, ma. It’s ok. If I save enough money, I was thinking about taking classes again to finish my degree… maybe when Mari’s a little older,” Juliana noted. “Of course, baby. You are such a hard worker, I know you could do whatever you wanted. Would you continue with uh.. what was it again?” Lupe asked. “Architecture. I’d really like to get into urban planning and design. We’ll see…. Right now, taking on anything else just feels impossible,” Juliana replied with a twinge of defeat in her voice. 

“What about some enjoyable things? New friends perhaps?” Lupe asked. Juliana hid the flutter that arose in her stomach from thinking about the person she was spending all of her free time with. “Well, I have been taking these self-defense classes. It’s the same place where Mari takes karate,” Juliana added, meeting her mom’s eyes as she continued to peel the potato in her hand. Lupe’s face had a slight look of surprise but she smiled as she responded, “that sounds interesting! Do you like it?” Juliana briefly thought of Valentina and smiled warmly, “yeah. I do. A lot. It makes me feel... confident. And stronger - the workouts don’t hurt,” Juliana playfully flexed her bicep and laughed. 

She returned to her prep work and gnawed at the inside of her cheek before continuing. “And the instructor is Valentina - remember I told you about her?” she added, meeting her mom’s eyes before quickly lowering them again. “Oh, right - she was the one who watched Mariana the other night?” Lupe asked. “Yeah. She owns the studio and is so supportive of women in the community, and is really just an all around awesome human,” Juliana abruptly realized and stopped her gushing, clearing her throat as a diversion. “We’ve been spending a lot of time together outside of class, as well” Juliana offered. “That’s great, mija. I’m glad you’re making new friends and finding new hobbies,” Lupe responded with genuine enthusiasm. ‘_ New hobbies? That’s one way to put it _,’ Juliana thought to herself. Lupe watched her daughter flutter around the kitchen before adding, “I must say: you seem...lighter? It’s nice to see you smiling so much.” Juliana smiled back at her mom before returning to her cooking, the grin still stuck to her face.

Lupe’s face dropped slightly and she was about to start talking again when Panchito and Mariana entered into the kitchen. “Is dinner ready yet?? I’m so hungry!” Mariana whined. “Soon, mi cielo. How about you go show abuela and abuelo your new books?” Juliana asked of her daughter. “I can finish this, mama. Go spend some time with Mari,” Juliana noted to her mother. Lupe hesitated, still having more to discuss with her daughter. “Besides, you’ll have plenty of time to help me tomorrow - I invited a few people over for lunch,” Juliana quickly added as she continued cooking. 

Lupe looked at her daughter in surprise, “_ you _ are throwing a party? You never want to have people over…” Juliana smiled again as she rolled her eyes at her mother. “It’s just a few more people than the four of us, ma. And I want to do something celebratory - it’s not every day you both get to join us here,” she finished. Lupe gave a quick raised-eyebrow look to her husband that indicated pleasant surprise before responding to her daughter, “Ok, mija. I’m here to help, so you let me know what you need,” Lupe responded before acknowledging Mariana, “ok, mi linda, let’s go to your room!”

\---------------

The next morning, Juliana woke up early, nervously running through all the things she needed to do to prepare for the party this afternoon. In addition to her parents and Mari, she’d invited Perlita, a couple of her friendly older neighbors, and of course, Valentina. She was nervous for her parents to meet Valentina, nervous for Valentina to meet her parents, nervous thinking about interacting with Valentina around them. She was beginning to think this was all a horrible idea when her phone buzzed. 

V: Buenos dias, hermosa. I can only imagine you are awake and maybe stressing about the day. I’m bringing dessert. What else can I do for you?

Juliana instantly remembered why this was a good idea. She smiled to herself as she responded.

J: Good morning, Val. How do you know me so well? Dessert sounds great. 

V: ;) Don’t stress, babe. Parents LOVE ME. 

J: Of course they do. 

J: See you at 1?

V: Yes - let me know if you need anything else!

‘_ Just your arms around me, several kisses, and a world of our own we can escape to? _’ Juliana thought to herself. Instead, she replied simply:

J: Gracias, cariño. Nos vemos xxxx

After a morning of preparation and a quick shower, the house was ready for guests. Perlita was the first to arrive, showing up promptly at noon as was her usual responsible nature. “Perlita!!” Lupe exclaimed as the women embraced. “So nice to see you! It’s been too long!” Lupe continued. “It has! And even longer since I’ve seen this handsome man,” Perlita said to Panchito, who greeted her with his signature sunny smile and a kiss hello. “Hola, Perlita. You look well,” he added. “Hola, Perlita!” Juliana said and kissed the woman on the cheek. “Please, let me take your coat.” 

As she was taking the older woman’s jacket, Valentina arrived to join the mob forming in the entryway. An instantaneous smile burst onto Juliana’s face when she looked up to see Valentina at the door. “Vale! Come in!” Juliana waved her in and made her way through the small group of people to kiss Valentina on the cheek before turning back to the group, “everyone, this is Valentina. Val, this is my mom, Lupe; my step-dad, Panchito; and you remember Perlita?” All three took turns greeting Valentina at the door with polite, customary kisses. “Mucho gusto, Valentina. I can’t say I’ve heard many other names from Juliana in the past year as much as I’ve heard yours these past few days,” Lupe noted. Valentina’s cheeks reddened slightly as she laughed nervously. “Oh, well, yeah, it was uh, perfect timing for us to meet when we did,” Valentina stammered out, meeting Juliana’s eyes for a moment before continuing. “I hope you all like dessert. I wasn’t sure how many people were here so I brought a little of everything,” Valentina said as she held out two large shopping bags filled with cake boxes and treats. Mariana ran over to the door from her room, “Val!” she yelled as she hugged the woman around the waist. “Are all of these for me??!” Mariana yelled as she started poking through the bags. Valentina smiled, “I think we have to share this time. Buuuut, if it’s ok with your mami, I’ll make sure you get to try them all,” she added with a wink. Lupe watched the interaction between Valentina and Mariana, noting a level of familiarity she didn’t anticipate.

“Here, let me take those from you,” Panchito noted as he grabbed the bags from Valentina. He headed off with them into the kitchen with Mariana trailing behind him like an excited puppy. “Yes, please, come on in,” Juliana continued as she closed the door behind the women. “Can I get you something to drink?” Juliana asked to no one in particular. “Are we having margaritas? I could really go for a cold margarita,” Perlita chimed. Juliana chuckled, “sure - mama, could you make your famous margaritas, por favor? Everything should be in the kitchen and I’ll grab the tequila.” 

“Can I help with anything?” Valentina asked.” “No, gracias. Please, enjoy yourself and thanks for bringing all those wonderful desserts!” Lupe responded. “Ven, come put your coat in my room,” Juliana said to Valentina. The two headed down the hall to Juliana’s room where Juliana dropped Perlita’s coat on the bed. Valentina came up behind Juliana, bringing her right arm around Juliana’s waist to drop her jacket on the bed. She slid her left hand across the other side and held her from behind. “Hola, hermosa,” she whispered into Juliana’s ear and kissed her cheek softly. Juliana twirled around in her arms and snaked her arms up Valentina’s back. “Hola, morrita,” Juliana responded before joining their lips together. “Te extrañé. You sure we can’t just kick everyone out and stay here for the rest of the afternoon?” Juliana asked with her forehead leaning against Valentina’s. Valentina smirked. “As much as that sounds like my dream day, I have to go charm your parents first,” Valentina responded. “Ugh, fine!” Juliana huffed out. Valentina kissed her again. And again, after trying to pull away once, before finally separating completely. “Vamos,” she called back to Juliana and she started walking out of the room.

The two women walked through the living room and over to the cabinet bar where Juliana searched for a bottle of tequila. She grabbed it and stood back up to find Valentina looking at her with a silly grin on her face. “Qué?” Juliana asked, blowing a loose strand of hair from her face. “I was just thinking about how much I’d like some mezcal, which made me think about the last time I had it... which made me think about our first date,” Valentina responded. “Yes and we all know how that ended,” Juliana said as she smiled coyly at Valentina, her eyes lingering on Valentina’s lips. Valentina laughed lightly, “we do! But I don’t think that was because _ I _ had mezcal. I can’t speak for _ you _ though.” Juliana blushed and smiled broadly before biting her lip to refrain from kissing Valentina. 

From her vantage point in the kitchen, Lupe was observing Juliana and Valentina’s interactions as she chatted with Perlita. She cut off Perlita mid-sentence when she asked, “Perlita, have you met this Valentina before? Do she and Juli hang out a lot?” Perlita looked over to the women talking animatedly in the living room, smiling to herself at the sheen of light seemingly coming off them. “Sí, Lupita. They are...close,” Perlita replied, watching Lupe scrutinize the pair across the room. Perlita took a deep breath and pushed on. “Sabes qué, I had been noticing a change in Juliana these last month or so...a good change,” she started, catching Lupe’s attention. “She’s more cheerful. She laughs more. I had no idea why at first. Then, I thought to myself that maybe she had met someone.” An excited smile started to bloom on Lupe’s face, thinking Perlita was going to confirm this suspicion. “But then I figured, maybe not, because I hadn’t seen her out with any guys. Not when I watched Mari and not by the diner. But _ that _ look...” she said as she returned her gaze to Juliana and Valentina again, “Juliana glows when she’s around, Lupe.” The smile disappeared from Lupe’s face and her hands stilled against the limes she was cutting. She looked to the two laughing women in the living room, noting their proximity to one another, and Valentina’s hand was twirling her daughter’s ponytail. She looked at them and back to Perlita. Struggling with her words, Lupe asked with a look of alarm, “are you… what are you implying, Perlita?” Perlita softly took Lupe’s hands into her own and continued, “Lupe, I don’t know all the details. But, what I do know of Juliana’s past makes me think that it would be a miracle if she ever let anyone close to her and Mariana again. My advice to you is to talk to your daughter, but **not** before you think carefully about whatever reaction you are having right now.” She paused, giving Lupe time for her words to sink in. “Juliana deserves to be happy, mija. And you deserve to be part of that for her.” The older woman patted Lupe’s hands before heading out into the living room to meet the rest of the gathering guests, leaving behind a stunned and speechless Lupe.

Juliana eventually made her way to the kitchen to give her mom the tequila for the drinks. “Thanks, mama. You’re the best,” she said as she placed a kiss on her mom’s cheek. “I’m going to start putting out the food,” Juliana added in a chipper voice. Lupe was still processing Perlita’s words. She fought against the urge to corner her daughter to discuss what was and was not going on between her and Valentina. Instead, she swallowed and replied curtly, “Ok, mija,” instead.

Lupe eventually made her way to serve drinks to the guests. Afterwards, she pulled Panchito aside and effectively dragged him down the hall by his shirt sleeve to the guest room. “What the hell - Lupe - what is-” Panchito grumbled as his wife pulled him into the room and closed the door. She immediately started talking at rapid-fire pace that he could barely keep up. “Panchito, you will never believe what Perlita told me. Essentially that Juliana and esa chamaca are together! Or have feelings for each other? I don’t know! She implied that Juliana is in _ love _ with her,” she added with a venomous tone. “She said that they’re “close.” Whatever that means. And did you see them? The looks they gave each other? What is this, Pancho?! I know she had a horrible past with Mariana’s dad, but that doesn’t turn you gay!” Panchito was caught by surprise by what his wife was saying, but understood that her shouting was getting too loud for comfort, so he gently placed his hands on her shoulders and rubbed softly. “Hey, hey, Lupita. Calmate, por favor. Respira,” he said as he took a couple deep breaths himself, trying to catch up with the crisis at hand. “Look, I don’t know exactly what Perlita told you, but if what you’re saying is true, we need to support Juli,” he continued in his gentle way. “Amor, look at me - at us - the heart wants what it wants,” he offered with a small smile. “And Juli, your beautiful daughter, deserves happiness in whatever form that takes. Don’t you think so?” Lupe looked at her husband and back down to the floor. “But what will everyone say? Will they be safe here? And what about Mariana - how confusing this must be for her!” Lupe said, panic escalating again in her voice. Panchito rubbed her back softly.

“To be honest, Lupe, Mariana seems incredibly comfortable with Valentina and pretty happy overall. And you know that Juliana would never do anything to compromise that child,” Panchito continued. Lupe processed Panchito’s words in silence. “Also, based on what I heard of those self-defense classes, I wouldn’t worry too much about them being safe,” Panchito tried to joke. Lupe huffed and fidgeted with her hands. Panchito pulled her into a tight hug. “Maybe you should try talking to Juli before jumping to so many conclusions? And better yet, maybe try getting to know Val - she seems like a really nice person,” Panchito added. “_ Val _? What, are you two best friends now?” Lupe said, unable to hide the disdain in her voice. Panchito simply stared at her.

She sighed audibly. “I know. I will talk to Juliana. I just… this is so unnatural. Isn’t it?” Panchito clicked his tongue, “Ay, Lupe, come on. What century are we in? Tío Jacobo has been with his partner for 20 years. And your friend Patricia? Yeah, I’m pretty sure Ana is not just her roommate,” Panchito responded with a roll of his eyes. Lupe responded with a shocked face, “en serio? Jacobo?! And Patricia?... Well, I guess that does make sense...they bicker all the time and never seem to do much without the other,” Lupe pondered out loud. “But why wouldn’t they just tell us, then?” she added. Panchito laughed to himself. “Maybe because this is the exact reaction they expect to receive. I would imagine it feels safer to hide their real life away from everyone. Only being able to be themselves in private - doesn’t that sound horrible to you?” Panchito asked. He continued, “I don’t ever want Juli to feel like she can’t share her life with us.” Lupe reflected on this. “No, neither do I, of course” she responded. They sat in silence for a few moments. Panchito kissed her forehead gently, “this doesn’t need to be solved right now, Lupita. All I’m asking is for you to take a breath,” Panchito finished and grabbed her hand to lead them back out to rejoin the party. 

\----------

The day continued otherwise seamlessly with everyone enjoying each other’s company and plentiful food and drink. As the afternoon wore on, guests started to leave, starting with the neighbors and followed by Perlita. “Juliana, por favor, can you show me where my coat is?” Perlita asked of Juliana. “I can get it for you. One second,” Juliana responded as she walked off to retrieve the woman’s coat. She returned to catch the little older lady saying goodbye to Valentina, noting the gentle squeeze she left on Valentina’s hand and some shared laughter like they were old friends. “Walk me to my car, Juli? My hip is bothering me today” Perlita requested. “Oh, sure. Do you want Panchito to drive you home?” Juliana responded. “No, no, not necessary. Just walk me out, please,” Perlita responded. 

Juliana assisted Perlita down the stairs arm in arm and Perlita spoke as they started down the walkway to the road. “This was a wonderful party, Juliana. It was so nice to see your parents. And really lovely to get to know Valentina a bit better.” Juliana smiled to the woman. “I’m glad you enjoyed yourself, Perlita. I can never thank you enough for everything you do for me,” Juliana responded. When they reached Perlita’s sedan, the older woman turned to Juliana, wrapping their hands together. “Valentina is one of those rare people who thinks with her heart and doesn’t hesitate to show it. ‘Pan de Dios’ they call them. Hard to find in this world, but I’m glad you two found each other, Juli,” Perlita said casually. Juliana was lost for words. Why would she phrase it like that? She wasn’t sure how to respond. “Eh… thank you? She is...special,” Juliana replied nervously. Perlita looked at Juliana with soft eyes and replied, “I happened to be cleaning up the kitchen when you two were behind the diner the other day. And, well, you were there...you know the rest.” Perlita smiled at Juliana, who stood there with her dropped jaw, visibly shocked at this revelation. “I am happy to see you happy, Juli. I should tell you that your mom suspects something between you two… you’ll need to be patient with her. But remember that she, too, only wants what’s best for you. And Mariana,” Perlita concluded.

Juliana swallowed and regained her composure. In her sincerest voice, Juliana replied, “thank you, Perlita. Te quiero.” She gave her a tight hug and waved the woman off as she drove away. Juliana took a deep breath and wondered how - in the matter of minutes - she came to understand that not only her 60+ year old boss had seen her and Valentina kissing, but that her mother (her mother!) knew (or “suspected”??) about their relationship. She definitely wasn’t expecting all this to happen today; what penance for actually throwing a social gathering at her home, she thought to herself. She took a deep breath before making her way back to the house.

\---------------

Juliana returned to find Valentina, Panchito, and Mariana playing a board game in the living room. Valentina looked up when Juliana re-entered the house and threw her a scrunchy-faced wink. Juliana tilted her head and smiled at the sight. Her reverie was quickly broken, however, by her mom calling out, “Juli! Can you help me in the kitchen, please!” Juliana instantly felt a knot form in her stomach, assuming her mom was going to unload her assumptions and suspicions on her in this moment. 

“Sí, mama. Qué pasa?” Juliana said as she entered the kitchen. Lupe responded by furiously wiping the counters down with a sponge. “There’s something I needed to talk to you about,” Lupe added, quickly looking over to the living room to note that the others were engrossed in a separate activity. Juliana braced herself. Lupe stopped what she was doing and looked at her daughter. “Alejandro came to see me. To our house. Last week,” Lupe said in a flat, serious tone. Of the millions of things Juliana expected her mom to say in that moment, mentioning that her ex-husband came to their house was definitely not one of them. 

She supported herself on the counter behind her and tried to steady her breathing against the chill that ran down her back. “Uh..He... Why? Are you ok?” Juliana began in a wavering voice. Lupe softened and responded, “Mija - I’m ok, we are fine. He was asking about you and Mari...how you were doing and all… he didn’t ask where you were,” she added this last part quickly. “In fact, he specifically said he wasn’t going to look for you or try to contact you anymore. He claims he’s been sober 10 months and is heading to L.A. for work.” As her mom detailed the encounter, Juliana felt her heart racing as her brain was involuntarily flooded of images of his face and the sound of his voice. Lupe calmly rubbed her thumb across Juliana’s arm. “He left me with money to give you. To Mariana…. it’s in my suitcase,” Lupe said gently. With tears brimming in her eyes, she shook her head, “no. No. I don’t want his money. I don’t want anything from him,” Juliana said as her voice cracked. Lupe appreciated that her daughter was visibly shaken by this discussion and decided not to respond further, opting to pull Juliana into an enveloping embrace, instead. Lupe held her daughter close and stroked her hair comfortingly, amazed at how this brave woman could still felt like a fragile child in her arms at the right moment. In some ways, she was - she was her baby, and she had suffered so much in her relatively short life. Lupe reflected on how some of that was thanks to her and the childhood she never was able to give Juliana. She would never forgive herself for that and found herself repeating in her head what she often did in the days in the trailer park, ‘_ I wish I could give you the happiness you deserve. _’ 

And like the colors of breaking dawn, Panchito’s words and Perlita’s words and Lupe’s deepest wishes for her daughter all coalesced in her mind. All she ever wanted was for Juliana to feel loved and happy and safe. And, even though she couldn’t understand it completely, she couldn’t deny that for her now - however it manifested.

Lupe continued to stroke Juliana’s hair and, when she felt her breathing return to normal, she pulled away to look Juliana in the eyes. “Estas bien, mija?” Lupe asked. Juliana wiped her eyes and cleared her throat. “Si, mama,” Juliana responded. Just then, the two women overheard laughter coming from the other room. Juliana shifted her gaze to the sound and her face softened slightly. Lupe watched her daughter for a moment before speaking again. “I… Valentina seems really nice,” Lupe noted, rubbing her thumb aimlessly on a dish towel in front of her. Juliana looked at her mom who continued to speak. “I was surprised at first with how comfortable Mariana seems with her. But, I can see why. She’s been entertaining her all day! And Panchito seems to have found a new buddy” Lupe added with a shy smile. “She’s pretty easy to love, no?” Lupe proffered. Juliana met her mother’s gaze, unsure of what she knew or thought. Juliana was surprised to see kindness reflected back to her and not the wrath she expected. Before she could respond, her mother continued, “Juli, seeing you suffer these last years was the worst thing a mom could see for her child. But seeing you here - so strong and doing an amazing job with Mari….” It was as if she was fighting to find the right words, “I don’t know how this all works,” she gestured to the living room, presumably to Valentina, “but I know that you deserve to be surrounded by people who love you and make you smile. And I think today is the most I’ve seen of that in a really long time.” “Ma…” Juliana started. Lupe put her hand up to stop the younger woman from speaking further. “Let’s talk more about it another time, mija,” Lupe added and left a quick kiss on Juliana’s forehead before scurrying out of the room.

Juliana stilled herself in the kitchen, her head spinning with the litany of things that were just discussed. Why was her ex husband showing up again after many months of silence? Could she trust that he was really leaving, for good? These were the things of her nightmares and the reasons she slept with a metal bat beneath her bed. And her mom - she needed to talk more about her relationship with Valentina, but knew she should give her some time. But that wasn’t at all how she expected her to react.

Juliana inhaled deeply and held her breath - three. two. one. - before trying to exhale the chaos from her mind. After another moment to herself, she headed back out to the living room and sat herself down next to Valentina, drooping her head back against the couch. “So, did she win again?” Juliana asked, referring to her little one. “Ugh. She did! Does she seriously win at every game?” Valentina replied. “Although these two were totally teaming up on me,” Valentina noted of Mariana and her abuelo. “That’s my girl, Mari,” Panchito added with a wink. “With that luck, I’m taking you to the casino!” Panchito chimed. “What’s a casino?” Mariana asked. “An inferno with no water or clocks,” Juliana replied dryly. “What’s an inferno?” Mariana asked in response. The three adults laughed.

Valentina looked over at Juliana slumped against the couch and brushed some hair from her face before noting, “You look tired, bebe.” She found it difficult not to touch Juliana, regardless of the situation or who was around. Juliana turned her limp head towards Valentina. “I am. I’m not used to talking to people so much; it’s exhausting,” Juliana joked. Panchito took note of the interaction and spoke up suddenly, “hey, Juli - why don’t you two go do something fun or relaxing somewhere. Your mom and I will hang out with Mari, and we can even take her to school in the morning.” Juliana looked wide-eyed at Panchito’s suggestion, not only because it was slightly unexpected but also because it was pretty presumptuous. He quickly added, “I uh, I meant if you ended up staying out late or just wanted to sleep in tomorrow morning.” 

Juliana thought about the offer. It would be nice to have a night off, especially with the roller-coaster of emotions running through her mind. She looked to Valentina, “I mean, if he’s offering,” she noted with a raised eyebrow. “I could really use some fresh air. Are you free to hang out?” Juliana asked. “Chiquita, I cleared my day for you. I'm all yours.” Valentina replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think? There are so many ways this could have gone. Like much of this story, I chose people's reactions carefully and shaped them a bit through an aspirational lens of how people can check their first reactions and/or listen to other voices for advice. Next chapter I'll make sure Val comforts Juls in all the right ways ;)


	13. A record of the wreckage in my life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of processing for Juliana as she tries to continue to open up to Valentina. Valentina continues to be a rock of support. They both find ways to transmit their feelings for each other.
> 
> \---------  
Title lyrics from 'Nightmare' by Halsey.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you move faster than when you had the opportunity to get out of the house just now,” Valentina noted to Juliana. Juliana exhaled audibly as she continued to put on her jacket while they walked from the house. “Ay, Val. I don’t know how to even begin to explain the conversations I had in the last hour,” Juliana sighed out as she removed her ponytail and raked her fingers through her hair. Valentina watched her as she did, following the movements of her hands and the creases in her frustrated face. “That bad, huh? You know parties are supposed to be fun, right?” Valentina asked. “Is everything ok?” Valentina pressed when she noticed Juliana didn’t lighten up at the joke. “Yes?” Juliana responded. “Well, let’s see. For starters, Perlita saw us kissing at the diner the other day.” Valentina looked at her with raised eyebrows. “She was wonderful about it, though. And basically thinks you’re a goddess, by the way,” Juliana smiled towards Valentina who’s eyes sparkled at the compliment. “And my mom knows something is going on between us,” Juliana said. Valentina’s eyes widened. “Neta? All this from one afternoon under the same roof?” Valentina responded. “I guess mi cara de boba is strong when you’re around” Juliana said. Valentina took Juliana’s hand in her own and placed a kiss on the back of it as they wandered into a nearby park.

“What did she say?” Valentina asked as they walked. “She made some references about my deserving to be surrounded by people who loved me and made me smile. She alluded to you and mumbled about not knowing all the details. It was coming off another intense conversation I wasn’t prepared for, so I was feeling a little blindsided,” Juliana said. “Considering she still holds some pretty traditional ideas of relationships and social norms, her reaction was not as bad as I expected it to be” Juliana added. Valentina simply listened, letting Juliana process at her own pace.

“It’s not that I didn’t want anyone to know, it’s just that...I wasn’t prepared for it to all come out at once. And definitely not today,” Juliana said, partly talking out loud to herself and partly to Valentina. “I mean, I expected to have a little more time and maybe a little more…” Juliana paused, searching for the right words. “Control?” Valentina offered. Juliana looked to the woman next to her, “Yeah. Control over how and when I would have to explain it to people,” Juliana continued. Valentina nodded silently. Juliana stopped walking and met Valentina’s eyes before she added quickly, “That came out wrong. It’s not that it’s bad or... I’m not ashamed or anything, Val. I just..” Valentina cut her off, “I get it, Juls. I know you’re not used to having to expose yourself to people or ‘come out’ in some capacity. And I also know it never feels good for the choice of where and when to be taken from you. It’s unsettling.” Valentina rubbed her thumb across Juliana’s hand as the pair resumed their sauntering on the tree-lined path. Valentina continued, “You know, I ‘come out’ almost every day, in a million different ways. It gets easier, but I’m always cognizant that I’m doing it. And I’m aware that not everyone is going to react well about my mention of a girlfriend,” Valentina continued, smiling softly at Juliana. “But, most of the time, it’s a conscious choice I make - not to hide myself, or manipulate my choice of words in order to obfuscate who I am,” Valentina said. 

“Are there times where you did do that? Hide yourself, I mean?” Juliana asked, genuinely curious. “There are times I still do, though not often. When I don’t feel safe, for example. Or in a situation in which it’s not really important to me that the other party knows this information, then I won’t offer it.” She took a deep breath and continued, “I won’t lie - it’s frustrating to have to constantly gauge whether it is, in fact, a ‘safe’ situation, or whether there will be negative, material consequences to outing myself. It’s constant - working at a job, or when renting an apartment, or even going to the doctor.” Juliana contemplated these facts, interactions she often took for granted that often resulted in an additional layer of analysis for LGBTQ people. She also knew something about hiding a piece of yourself from the world, though. The toll it takes to hide a significant part of your story in shame or fear and not wanting to deal with people’s reactions. In her case, it was a darker part, something more about what has been done  _ to _ you instead of a part  _ of _ you. But, hiding nonetheless.

Valentina continued talking. “I won’t hide if asked directly, though. Day to day, I do my best to not censor myself... I learned over time that it’s not just because it resonates with other queer people - it does - but, also because people are drawn to authenticity. I find people trust you more, and it reminds them that they too can live their lives proudly and openly in whatever way that is important to them,” Valentina said. 

“Blah, wow. I’m sorry; I don’t think you were asking for a lecture when you started this line of questioning,” Valentina said as she shook her head and gently scratched at her eyebrow. Juliana stopped walking and pulled Valentina by the hand. She captured Valentina’s face with her free hand and kissed her, there in broad daylight surrounded by Sunday park-goers. After several seconds of the slow, blissful kiss, Juliana pulled back to speak. “Valentina Carvajal - you are the most authentic person I know. It’s beautiful and unapologetic, and inspires me all the time. I’m so proud to call you mine.” Juliana rubbed her thumb behind the shell of Valentina’s ear. “Te quiero, mi guerrera. Te quiero mucho,” Juliana declared. Valentina’s cheeks pinked. “Y yo - te quiero a ti, Juls,” Valentina responded, reconnecting their lips. Only briefly, though, as a man behind them rudely cleared his throat repeatedly and sighed loudly to their presence. Valentina rolled her eyes as she smiled at Juliana and the pair continued their way through the park.

“So… how  _ are _ you feeling about all this? With your mom or Mari or... in general?” Valentina asked. “I don’t care much about strangers. Obviously,” Juliana noted with a smirk, referring to her recent actions. “But I want to be able to share my life with my parents, friends. And most importantly, I would like to talk to Mariana about it. To formally define it for her,” Juliana said, meeting Valentina’s gaze. “I want her to feel like she has some say in who’s in her life… I never did while I was growing up and I hated feeling so powerless,” Juliana continued. The two women made their way to a bench overlooking a small pond in the park as their conversation continued. “I’m happy to bribe her for her love, you know. Cotton candy? Trips to the water park? You name it,” Valentina said. Juliana laughed. “While she would love all of that, we’ve already established that enjoys being with you,” Juliana said. 

“We have a good thing going, me and that little one,” Valentina replied. “I get it though,naming it for her… I’m sorry you had to deal with people you didn’t want to be around when you were a kid,” she added. Juliana offered a tight-lipped smile. “Yeah…I often felt stuck and couldn’t understand why we had to be where we were or with who we were. Like my dad. He was… such a shitty person, to say it nicely,” Juliana said. She lost herself in her thoughts of her childhood as she looked out across the pond. “For some reason, I still found myself constantly trying to gain his approval when I was young. Whether out of fear or desperation for his love, I’m not sure. Maybe both,” Juliana added before taking a deep breath. “Regardless, Vale - I’m done with living my life waiting for someone else’s approval. I wasted too much time sacrificing my well-being for false notions of who I was supposed to be and for what defines a relationship. I am so sick of feeling like I don’t deserve to be happy; I’m not going to do that to myself anymore,” Juliana added with bitterness in her voice, surprising herself with that last bit of honesty.

Valentina watched Juliana’s profile intently, noting the tension in her jaw and a coldness in the brown eyes she wasn’t used to seeing. Valentina gently placed her hand on top of Juliana’s thigh. The action brought Juliana back from her thoughts; she looked down at Valentina’s hand and then up to Valentina’s eyes. After a moment, Valentina said, “good.” Juliana looked puzzled at this response. Valentina continued, “You deserve everything good in this world, and I’m proud of you for acknowledging that. It’s never easy to tell that toxic voice in your head to fuck off. So - good for you, mi amor.” Juliana dropped her head to Valentina’s shoulder in response. Valentina draped her arm around Juliana, leaving Juliana’s head tucked somewhere between her neck and chest. She placed a kiss on Juliana’s forehead. The two sat there quietly watching the sunset across the trees.

\-----------------

After the sun dropped completely below the treeline, the two made their way back to Juliana’s house. “Stay with me tonight,” Valentina requested, feeling like she wasn’t ready to leave the vulnerable woman behind. “As in, come stay at my place. Panchito offered to take Mari to school, after all…” Valentina noted with a small smirk. Juliana hesitated; she felt a little strange asking her parents to watch her daughter so she could go to her girlfriend’s house. But she also knew this opportunity for a real night away didn’t come around very often; it was very tempting, as well as the woman biting her lip in front of her. “Ok,” Juliana said, biting her cheek, “let me grab some things and tell my parents.”

The women walked into the house to Panchito and Lupe having tea at the dining room table. “Hey mama y ‘Chito - If the offer still stands, I was going to head over to Valentina’s house to watch a movie and uh, probably just stay there since it will be pretty late when it’s over,” Juliana said, nervous and feeling like she was 16 again. Panchito spoke up first, “of course, mija. Your mom and I have everything under control here - Mari’s finishing her shower as we speak.” “Would you girls like some tea with us before you leave?” Lupe asked. Juliana was surprised by the offer and touched all the same, realizing this was her mom’s way of making an effort. Juliana threw Valentina a raised-eyebrow look to ask if it was ok. Valentina caught on quickly and chimed, “sure! I’d love that.”

Lupe fetched some extra cups and the tea pot while Juliana and Valentina joined them at the table. “Did she put up a fight about the shower? She usually rails against it but then never wants to get out once she’s in,” Juliana noted of her daughter. “She was no problem at all, Juli. Maybe it’s just the old Panchito parenting working its magic,” Panchito said, wiggling his eyebrows. “Yeah, right. This guy just caves into everything - we’ll see how many chapters of that book you end up reading tonight way after her bedtime,” Lupe remarked as she returned with the tea. Juliana laughed and was happy that her mom seemed to be in a jovial mood. “So, Valentina, Juli tells us that you own your own martial arts studio? How did you decide to start that?” Panchito asked. “I do - I’ve had it for almost 3 years now. I was always very physically active and into group classes, but felt like there weren’t a lot of female-centric spaces in the city. I wanted to create one that would help empower women, to teach them that their bodies are powerful,” Valentina explained. Juliana beamed with pride at her girlfriend as she spoke. “That’s incredible. I’m glad it’s been successful for you,” Panchito noted with a genuine smile. 

“Hey Ma - I meant to tell you - I made your famous enchiladas a few weeks ago when Valentina was over for dinner. You’ll be happy to know that Mari proudly told me they were not as good as yours,” Juliana noted. Lupe laughed, “that girl. I’m sure they were wonderful, mi Juli.” “They were,” Valentina said, smiling at Juliana. “Somehow, after mentioning mole once in a class, this woman prepared a meal that made me nostalgic for my mom’s cooking,” Valentina continued. Juliana rolled her eyes as she blushed and grinned like a fool at the woman next to her. Lupe smiled at the interaction in spite of herself. 

Mariana trotted out in her newest one-piece pajama outfit. “Hola, mami. Like my new suit?” She spun around, showing off her monkey tail and ears. “You know I do. Let me guess? Early Christmas present? Halloween? International sloth day?” Juliana asked. “I think Abue just likes to give me things, mami, she doesn’t need a reason. Gracias abuela y abuelo! Me encanta,” Mariana replied. Juliana smiled at her daughter’s matter-of-fact response, and her unprompted manners. “Mari, I’m going out with Vale for a bit. Abuela and abuelo will take you to school in the morning, ok? They’re very excited to see your new classroom,” Juliana said, offering a partial excuse. Her daughter saw right through it. “You’re having a sleepover at Val’s house without me?!” Mariana whined. “Ay hijita. Enjoy your time with your abuelos and I promise we’ll do a living room camp out here one night,” Juliana said as a peace offering. “Buenas noches, mi cielito. Be a good listener,” she said as she kissed her daughter goodnight. 

Panchito rose to bid Valentina goodnight. “Buenas noches, Valentina. It was lovely to meet you.” “Yes. I hope we see you again soon,” Lupe added. “Have fun,” she said to Juliana as she gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before heading off with Panchito to Mariana’s room. Juliana turned to Valentina.”Should I be alarmed by her cavalierness?” Juliana asked. “Nah - let’s just get out while we’re ahead,” Valentina responded. “Good plan. Give me two minutes to grab some things. I’ll be right back,” Juliana said.

Juliana was giddy as she left her house with a duffle bag of clothes and toiletries. She felt as if she was getting away with something, suddenly liberated from her routine - even for a night. She loved Mariana more than anything, but being a parent was also a relentless job, often without much regard to your own needs. It didn’t matter if you were tired or had a bad day - or a bad few years, in her case - you had an obligation to this tiny person, to keep them alive and healthy. At a minimum. But, hopefully, also to do your best to make them feel loved and seen and happy. Sadly, it seemed that whether you were succeeding at any of that was constantly thrown into question: are you feeding them the ‘right’ foods? Are they getting enough activity? Too much time in front of screens? Are you too involved or not involved enough? And what do you mean you got a sitter just so you could go out dancing? In the eyes of society on a whole, mothers could really never get it right. Juliana shrugged off her wandering thoughts, knowing her daughter was happily being spoiled by doting grandparents at the moment. ‘ _ Mariana is fine. Start thinking you deserve to be happy - remember? _ ’ Juliana reminded herself.

“You good?” Valentina asked Juliana as they got into her car. “Yup! I’m great,” she said in response, smiling broadly at Valentina. Valentina noted the other woman’s lighter mood and returned the smile as she started the car. 

They headed to Valentina’s apartment that was located in a sky-reaching building in a more urban area of the city compared to where Juliana lived. Juliana admired the shining floors and smooth glide of the elevator to Valentina’s floor. Valentina’s place was modern and streamlined, made warm by the presence of many small plants and family photographs. “I love your place,” Juliana said after they dropped their stuff. “Thanks! It was the first big purchase I made on my own once the studio was financially stable,” Valentina said, the pride evident in her voice. “Are these your siblings?” Juliana asked as she picked up a glossy photo. “Yeah - that’s Eva, her husband Mateo, and my brother Guille,” Valentina reported as she smiled at the photograph. “I have to say, your family is made of very pretty people,” Juliana said. Valentina laughed. “Thank you. We clean up well.” “Eh - you’re pretty even when you’re not cleaned up,” Juliana said as she put down the photograph and wrapped her arms around Valentina’s waist. Valentina smiled back and kissed her.

“So - are you hungry? Awake enough for a movie?” Valentina asked. “A movie sounds perfect,” Juliana responded, “assuming I can be in my pajamas and you won’t hold it against me if I fall asleep.” “No grudges here. Ven,” Valentina said, kissing Juliana again before leading her to the bedroom. The room was spacious with a large throw-pillow covered bed and an expansive window overlooking the city. “This view is gorgeous, Val,” Juliana said as she watched the flickering lights of the city below her. “Yeah...it is,” Valentina said, staring directly at Juliana and not even the slightest bit at the cityscape beyond. “The bathroom is right over there; feel free to use anything you need. I’m going to grab us some water,” Valentina said, leaving a kiss on Juliana’s cheek before leaving the room. 

The women changed into pajamas and cozied up on Valentina’s bed to watch a movie on the large screen TV on the wall in front of them. “Well, I can’t make any promises about how long I’ll be awake if we’re watching from this bed,” Juliana said as she flopped herself beside Valentina on what felt like a body-contouring mattress. “Eh. The movie is just a ruse to get you to snuggle with me, anyway,” Valentina responded. “That never needs an excuse,” Juliana responded as she did exactly that. She kissed Valentina’s face and burrowed herself into Valentina’s side. Protectively wrapped in Valentina’s arms, Juliana inhaled Valentina’s scent and relaxed into the body next to her, wondering how something as simple as cuddling could feel so blissful.

Not even 20 minutes later, Juliana was sleeping peacefully against Valentina, wrapped up in her like a koala on a tree. Valentina noted the sleeping woman, moving only slightly so as not to wake her. She knew Juliana was exhausted by the day, and Valentina found herself dozing off, blaming the flood of oxytocin in her veins. After an hour, Valentina awoke to a tossing - but still sleeping - Juliana. “No - grmm,” Juliana mumbled while jerking her head to the side, her eyes still closed. Her body twitched and Valentina realized she must be having a dream. By the looks of it, though, not a happy one. 

“I didn’t -- stop….no!” she tossed again. “Juls,” Val said softly, trying to wake the other woman. Juliana’s frown and anguish increased. “Juls,” Valentina said more firmly, now gently shaking the struggling woman. Juliana shot awake with a sudden gasp and an audible, nonsensical noise. Juliana was trembling slightly and her heart was pounding; she scanned the room around her and met Valentina’s concern-filled eyes. Valentina rubbed her hands gently across Juliana’s arms. “You’re ok, baby - you’re in my house. You’re safe,” Valentina said to a visibly disoriented Juliana.

Juliana swallowed and took in a breath. She exhaled and met Valentina’s stare again. “Sorry. I, uh, fell asleep,” Juliana said as she raked a hand through her hair. “That’s ok, love. I did too,” Valentina said with a small smile as she caressed the other woman’s hand. “Did you have a bad dream?” Valentina asked. Juliana nodded. “Do you want to talk about it?” Valentina asked. Juliana looked at Valentina and then down at her hands. “It was.. um. It was about my ex-husband. He-” Juliana paused and sighed, hearing her therapist’s voice in her head ‘ _ it’s ok to talk about it. It might even feel good. It’s ok to let in the people who care about you. _ ’ She looked up at Valentina and continued.

“It was a typical night in our house where he lost his shit over something insignificant. But this time, Mariana was there. And after he threw me out of the way, he was heading for her. And I… I couldn’t stop him,” she said, steeling herself against the impending tears she didn’t want to shed. She took a deep breath and on the exhale continued, “ugh! My nightmares are the only place he still wins. The only place!” Juliana said as she wiped her face with the back of her hand, trying to erase the traces of her distress. Valentina slowly pulled Juliana into a hug, kissing her hair and rubbing her shoulders. 

To her surprise, Juliana pulled back and continued to speak. “He went to see my mom before she came to visit here. She told me about it earlier today, while we were cleaning up the kitchen. Before she talked about you and I.” Valentina responded, “did she say what he wanted?” 

“He wanted to give us - Mari - money. And tell me that he wasn’t going to look for us and was moving to LA for work,” Juliana answered. “Oh...Well. That’s good, right?” Valentina asked. “It is. My mom seemed to believe him. I want to believe it, too. Sometimes, though, it feels like I will never escape him. I mean this is a perfect example - even when I’m good, great even, he somehow finds a way back into the recesses of my brain.” She thought for a moment. “He never touched Mari, in reality. But she saw some things that no child should ever see, and it was always my biggest fear; it would have happened one day if we hadn’t left,” Juliana continued. Valentina nodded silently in response. She gently pushed some of Juliana’s hair out of her face, behind her ear. She repeated this motion for comfort before gently cupping Juliana’s cheek and stroking it with her thumb. “But you did leave. And you are taking care of yourself and Mari. You are strong and in control now, even if it doesn’t always feel like it,” Valentina said, urging Juliana to see herself the way she saw her. 

“Do something for me - think about the things that made you feel safe or in control over this past year.” Valentina requested. Juliana brought her eyes to meet Valentina’s piercing blue. “Ok…” Juliana said in response. “What are those things?” Valentina asked. Juliana thought before speaking. “I guess, having more control of my emotions. Strategies for reeling back my spiraling thoughts. Your class. You,” Juliana said, still holding Valentina’s gaze. “I’m still getting used to trusting other people, and letting myself be loved...even when it’s hard,” she added.

Juliana scanned her eyes left to right across Valentina’s face, reading her like a favorite novel. The air changed; sharpened, somehow. Juliana’s eyes dropped to Valentina’s lips. Valentina brought her face in close to Juliana’s with hitched breathing reminiscent of their first kiss. But different here was the undertone of a deeper need, of emotional depth and Juliana’s confession of needing to let herself be loved. Valentina slid both hands to the sides of Juliana’s face and kissed her slowly, pouring everything into their intermingled lips - all the ways she cared for her, was amazed by her, and wanted to take care of her. She held her there, wanting to kiss away every bad day and bad dream Juliana ever had. 

Juliana found herself wanting to discharge all the emotional intensity of the last 24 hours into Valentina. The safety, the lust, the connection, the trust, the fear - everything bubbled up to the surface and was released in the form of Juliana pressing her weight against Valentina, pinning her down to the mattress. It came through her fingertips like an ungrounded current, electrifying Valentina’s skin. 

Juliana sat up straddling Valentina’s hips and removed her own shirt off before stripping Valentina of hers in the same accelerated motion. Juliana quickly resumed her position lying on top of Valentina, kissing her mouth again before moving down along Valentina’s jaw towards her ear. She sucked at Valentina’s earlobe while her hands worked independently to slide off the rest of Valentina’s clothes. “I want to cash in that rain check,” Juliana whispered hotly in Valentina’s ear before leaving open-mouthed kisses across Valentina’s neck. 

Valentina was caught off guard by the domination but was also too turned on to consider pushing back. Her skin was on fire and she could think of nothing she wanted more than Juliana against and inside of her. “Touch me,” Valentina demanded into Juliana’s mouth. “Please,” she added, catching Juliana’s bottom lip between her teeth. 

In between feverish kisses, Juliana ran her fingers through Valentina’s wet center before settling into deliberately slow, pressured circles on her clit. Valentina let out small moans of pleasure as Juliana worked. Juliana broke their kiss to meet Valentina’s dark-set eyes as she slowly inserted two fingers into the woman beneath her. This maneuver was met with a more guttural sound that told her that, even though she didn’t really know what she was doing, she was doing something right. “Does this feel good?” Juliana asked, as she continued her measured movements in and out of Valentina. Valentina released a mix of a smile and an exhale. “Yes, Juls - you feel so good,” she husked out as she rolled her hips into Juliana’s hand. 

Juliana immersed herself in the feeling of being inside Valentina; the tightness around her fingers contrasting with the fleshy softness that gave way against the pressure. “Tell me what you want,” Juliana demanded in a whisper as she continued her rhythmic movements. Valentina could barely form words. “Uhn - Faster. Deeper and faster,” she panted out against Juliana’s lips. Juliana felt a pang of want in her core at the request. She eagerly fulfilled it; she kissed Valentina and slid her fingers in deeper as she began to pick up the pace of her movements. Valentina’s breathing shortened and Juliana watched the taller woman arch her neck back and bring her free hand - the one that wasn’t clawing at Juliana’s back - to massage her own clit. 

Valentina touched herself as Juliana continued her thrusting, marveling at the sight in front of her, hoping her fingers were transmitting the same energy she felt coursing through her body. “Oh, God. Juls - ” Valentina moaned. “Yes - Right there - I’m -” but her words cut off to a higher-pitched sound from her gaping mouth. Juliana lost herself in the close and release of the clenching against her hand. She continued her movements and stared trance-like at Valentina’s involuntary spasming, thoroughly engrossed in Valentina’s full, parted lips and her long brown hair splayed across the bed. Juliana thought in that moment of how she admired beautiful art all the time and never once saw something as stunning as this. 

Once the aftershocks seemed to slow, Juliana lowered her body down against Valentina’s and slowly removed her fingers from inside her, noting a slight shiver as she did. She kissed Valentina passionately and then softly, “That was...you are so beautiful,” Juliana uttered, barely able to articulate her thoughts. It was possible she just found her new favorite activity.

Valentina’s lidded eyes opened to find Juliana’s face hovering next to hers. Valentina cupped Juliana’s face and kissed her. “You certainly are a fast learner,” Valentina noted between kisses. Juliana smiled into the next kiss in response, reeling with her own throbbing want pulsing low below her stomach. Valentina ran her fingers down Juliana’s abs and continued beneath the band of her underwear. “Can I touch you?” Valentina asked, still careful even after all that just transpired. “If you don’t, I think I will actually burst. Or maybe just take matters into my own hands,” Juliana replied. 

Valentina smiled, her eyes darkening again. She kissed Juliana briefly and then pulled away slightly, keeping their faces in close proximity. “How about here?” Valentina whispered into Juliana’s lips as she started to slowly circle her clit. “Mmhm,” Juliana responded, her lips curling into a smile. Valentina’s hand continued its work while she dragged her lips along Juliana’s jawline. “Here?” Valentina asked directly into Juliana’s ear as she moved her fingers across the wet folds between Juliana’s legs. Juliana’s skin prickled; she nodded and slipped out an “uh-huh.” Valentina resumed her mouth’s trajectory down before looking up to meet Juliana’s eyes. “Here?” Valentina asked as she circled Juliana’s entrance with her finger. Juliana’s stomach dropped and she nodded, silently and quickly, with increasingly staggered breathing. “I need to hear you say it,” Valentina added. Juliana was momentarily unsure if Valentina was still playing the game or really needed her confirmation, so she swallowed against the dryness in her throat and responded in a hoarse whisper, “I - I want you inside me.”

Valentina brought her face back up to Juliana’s and connected their lips while she entered her with one finger. Valenting found little resistance and easily built to a slow, upward gliding rhythm. Juliana’s hands slid up Valentina’s back to hold on as she arched her back and rolled her hips into Valentina for more contact on all fronts. Valentina retracted her hand and re-entered her with two fingers, eliciting a gasping intake of air from Juliana. “Estás bien?” Valentina asked, searching Juliana’s eyes beneath hers. “Yes,” Juliana responded in a barely audible voice, still moving her hips in time with Valentina’s motions. “Don’t stop,” Juliana added. 

She refastened her mouth against Valentina’s. Valentina picked up the pace of thrusting and curling her fingers as she sucked against Juliana’s neck, noting the sounds Juliana emitted into the empty house when she did. She also noted Juliana’s tightly closed eyes and tense grip on her back, as if the brown-haired woman was fortifying herself against something. “Juls - mirame,” Valentina whispered as she slowed her movements. Juliana opened her blown-black eyes to meet Valentina’s gaze. She realized she’d been digging her nails into Valentina’s back and softened her grip, sliding one hand up through Valentina’s hair to rest at the base of her neck. 

This feeling was so many things for Juliana. This wanton desire. Her habits to brace herself and bear through it were hard to escape. But, in this instance, she wasn’t bearing anything - she was trying to lose herself in it, in this pleasure, in the feel of Valentina inside her and of Valentina’s skin against her own. She wanted more and more and more of her; she  _ wanted _ to lose control. She didn’t know how to hold all those feelings inside her like she did with emotions of the past. But she quickly remembered that she didn’t have to; not here, not with her. So, she let the intensity of Valentina’s stare penetrate her and the sounds of ecstasy escape her lips without restraint. 

Juliana held Valentina close by the base of her neck with one hand and raked her fingers of the other down Valentina’s working bicep. She loved the feel of her flexing muscles in action. “Valentina - that feels...” Juliana barely sounded out, desperate for release. Valentina kissed and sucked on Juliana’s neck, knowing by the feel of her tightening walls that she was close. As Valentina kept her pace with her thumb against Juliana’s clit, she happily watched the phases of Juliana’s orgasm wash across her face. She watched as Juliana’s eyes rolled back into her lolling head, as her breathing quickened from her parted lips, and, finally, as the euphoric moment hit, momentarily erasing any tension or thought from Juliana’s crowded brain. Valentina continued her movements as Juliana’s body rolled through the pleasure until her body went slack. 

Valentina pulled out from the woman beneath her, collapsing on top of Juliana as they settled their breathing. Minutes passed; only the sound of Valentina’s intermittent kisses along Juliana’s skin filled the noiseless space. Valentina eventually settled into the inside the crook of Juliana’s neck.

“Val?” Juliana asked into the quietly buzzing room. “Mm?” Valentina replied. “Can you do that every time I have an emotionally exhausting day?” Juliana asked. Against her skin, Juliana felt a smile crawl across Valentina’s face. “Sure. And when you have a great day. Or just an okay day. Really, I’m thinking it’s a perfect any-day activity.” She lifted her head to catch Juliana’s lips in a languid kiss. 

Juliana felt so warm and contained; she wanted to zip herself up inside Valentina’s skin. Maybe this is what it was to replace the wreckage in your mind with something new; with love and sex and passion and love and love and love. Pushing the stuff of nightmares out; causing them to fade into the background, into nothing, into enervated versions of themselves that can never hurt you again. Like the monsters underneath your bed that are shown to be what they truly are in the light: figments of your imagination, powerless. A rewiring of your brain to remind you that you are stronger than your fears.  
  


“Val?” Juliana asked again. “Yeah?” Valentina replied, her voice heavy with sleep. Juliana wanted to say things she hadn’t said to anyone in years and hadn’t truly felt in...well, ever. Not like this. “I…” she started. Her heart pounded in her ears. “I...have to go to the bathroom.” She kissed the half-conscious woman on the forehead and slipped out from between her limbs. For now, they would both simply have to settle for demonstrating how they felt, again and again - with their hands and mouths and lips and phone calls and movie nights and unexpected desserts and shared laughter with Mariana - until someone chose to set those words free and name what was so obviously shared between their no-longer-wandering souls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one really took on a life of its own. Thanks for your patience! And thanks, always, for all your support and comments!! I am traveling again which may mean a lot or no writing depending on the flow of my days; I'll do my best to get back to you all soon. Be well -


	14. Sorpresa

Juliana stirred against the sunlight crawling through curtains in Valentina’s room. She looked over at Valentina, still at rest with her bare skin peeking through sleep-strewn covers. As her eyes traveled the length of Valentina’s frame, Juliana wondered how she found herself in this bed, with this person, in this life. She never subscribed to the belief of everything happening for a reason. She wasn’t much a believer in fate or in whatever religious people thought was controlling their lives; it was too painful to think that all she was destined for was trauma, abuse, and disappointment. It was, until recently, all she’d known. But now she found herself so at ease in her current space, grappling with the sensation of feeling that this was exactly where she was supposed to be. In this bed, with this person, in this life. 

Juliana ghosted her fingers across Valentina’s bare shoulder. She didn’t want to wake the sleeping woman - not really - but she couldn’t stop herself from touching her. Valentina stirred slightly and smiled with her eyes still closed and face half-buried in her pillow. Juliana placed a soft kiss on Valentina’s shoulder...her back...her face. “I’m sorry I woke you,” Juliana whispered into Valentina’s ear. 

“No you’re not,” Valentina said as she opened her eyes slowly, meeting Juliana’s eyes in front of her. A smile crept across Juliana’s face in tandem with a light flush. “No - you’re right. I’m not,” Juliana replied. She brought her face close to Valentina’s, millimeters from her lips. “Buenos dias, hermosa,” Juliana said before kissing her. Valentina used the hand draped across Juliana’s waist to pull her closer, smoothly gliding their naked bodies together over an infinitesimally thin layer of air. They stayed in that embrace and kissed each other for what seemed like an endless amount of time.

“Is this what all your mornings are like?” Juliana asked when they finally disconnected their lips. Valentina lifted her eyebrows, “waking up to a gorgeous, naked woman in my bed? No. This is definitely not what all my mornings are like,” Valentina responded. Juliana laughed lightly. “No, I meant...calm. Without urgency,” Juliana said. Valentina pushed falling hair from Juliana’s face behind her ear. “Sometimes. But I can guarantee that none of my mornings are quite like this,” Valentina said as she kissed Juliana again. “I wouldn’t mind if they all were, though,” Valentina added. Juliana met Valentina’s stare. If she was honest with herself, Juliana thought the same thing, but wasn’t ready for the implications behind that statement. “Well sure, me too - I’d take lazy Monday mornings over readying a 7 year old for school, any day. It’s nice to not have to chase someone down with a toothbrush while trying to dress yourself,” Juliana said. “Ah - speaking of - should I go brush my teeth? I don’t know the etiquette of morning breath,”Juliana said as she started to escape the bed.

Valentina tightened her grip around Juliana’s waist, not letting her leave their prone position. “Does it seem like I minded?” Valentina said, kissing Juliana again. Slowly, Valentina deepened the kiss, both on principal and because feeling Juliana’s skin against her own made her never want to stop. They simmered in the languid exchange. Like clockwork, Juliana felt the familiar surge of heat spark in her lower abdomen. She found the rapidness with which her body responded to Valentina both strange and intoxicating. She had no desire to pull away, wanting to give in to this burning again and again. 

Their hands and lips wandered further across the expanse of each other’s naked bodies. Juliana could feel Valentina’s mounting wetness against her thigh as she started to move her hips against Juliana’s. Juliana moved her mouth to suck on Valentina’s neck, sliding down to her breasts and circling her nipples with her tongue, making sure to keep her thigh in close contact with Valentina’s center as she moved. She took her time there, interchanging her massaging hands with her mouth as Valentina ran her fingers through Juliana’s hair. 

Juliana slid herself back upwards on her girlfriend, reconnecting her mouth to Valentina’s. In a fluid movement, Valentina sat up and brought Juliana’s right leg over her own left, slinking it around her torso. Valentina slipped her right leg over Juliana’s left, connecting their centers in some contortionist’s face-to-face sitting position. Valentina melded her fingers into Juliana’s back as she kissed her, pushing Juliana against her firmly and rolling their hips together a synchronated rhythm. Juliana gripped Valentina’s lower back with one hand and ran the other through Valentina’s hair, pushing Valentina’s head and hungry mouth tighter against her neck. Valentina felt herself walking the edge of coming apart. “Are you close?” she asked Juliana in between kisses. “Yeah,” Juliana panted out, losing herself to Valentina’s lips again. “You?” Juliana rasped. “Yes,” Valentina responded in a breathy whisper, still grinding their cores together. “I want us to come together,” she added. Juliana met Valentina’s eyes and nodded breathlessly. She felt the coiling in her stomach tighten and her taut bundle of nerves roll against Valentina’s under the mounting pressure. 

Moments later, Juliana panted out, “Val - I’m -” “Ven, mi amor,” Valentina said, letting herself go as well. Juliana tugged the hair at the base of Valentina’s neck while Valentina sucked at Juliana’s pulse point as they both climaxed together, rolling their hips, feeling the sensation reverberate through their bodies. It was most definitely the best start to any Monday either of them could remember having.

Their pace and mutual shudders eventually slowed. The pair settled into their twisted embrace in sated silence. “Val, no me mirás así or I will never manage to leave this bed,” Juilana said when she realized Valentina’s eyes were on her. Valentina lifted one hand to trace the curvature of Juliana’s face. She ran her finger down the slope of Juliana’s nose and across her lips, following her path with her eyes. She held Juliana’s chin between her thumb and index finger as she met Juliana’s gaze. “Cómo quieres que te mires?” Valentina said. Juliana watched Valentina watch her, simultaneously basking in and cowering under the weight of Valentina’s stare. “And I don’t  _ want _ you to leave this bed. Not if that means we have to re-enter the real world. Or put on clothes,” Valentina said. Juliana couldn’t stop her smile. “Ay, morrita - one day, I would love to take a trip with you where we have unlimited hours to be tangled up in bed together,” Juliana said, immediately reddening at her own confession. “Ah, sí? Hours?” Valentina said while she left feather-light kisses across Juliana’s face. “Or days?” she continued between kisses. “Hypothetically speaking...where would you like this magical vacation to be?” Valentina asked.

The women found their way back to a horizontal position, lying in each other’s arms across the bed. “Hmm...somewhere warm. Preferably with a beach, or some body of water. Not many people,” Juliana said as she closed her eyes and let herself imagine. “Y qué más está allá?” Valentina asked, wanting to watch Juliana fantasize a little longer. “Mm…you. You in a bikini. A warm breeze. Maybe some chicharrón tacos?” Juliana finished, opening one eye to catch Valentina’s gaze. Valentina laughed. “Mi querida, I’d love to go there with you. I’d find you the best tacos,” Valentina said. “And, on my vacations, bathing suits are always optional,” Valentina added, loving how easily flustered Juliana became in response to such comments. 

Juliana kissed Valentina once more before pushing firmly back against her. “Sadly, we are not yet on this mythical vacation and I really need to be a functioning adult today,” Juliana said as she disentangled herself from her girlfriend. Valentina missed the contact instantly but refrained from pulling the other woman back to bed. Juliana checked her phone and saw a text from her mom with a photo of Mariana all ready and out the door for school. “I guess they managed just fine without me this morning,” she said, showing Valentina the picture. “Great! Maybe they should come visit more often,” Valentina said. “Aside from the perks of morning sex, I’d love to spend more time with them,” she added. Juliana laughed. “Yeah, I would love that, too,” Juliana said. “Which part?” Valentina retorted. Juliana simply looked back up at her and smirked.

“Do you think you’ll talk to your mom more today?” Valentina asked as the two got dressed. “Yeah, I guess that would be a good idea...” Juliana replied. Valentina nodded. “Well, I’m here if you need anything,” Valentina said. “I know,” Juliana said with a soft smile. “Do you have time for coffee if I make some?” Valentina asked. “Sure, that sounds great, I’m just going to finish getting ready” Juliana replied.

Once she was cleaned up and dressed, Juliana collected her things and headed to the kitchen to find Valentina preparing coffee in only a long, white, button-down shirt. With Valentina’s back to her, Juliana scanned the display before her, admiring the span of Valentina’s legs, the tone of her backside peeking underneath the shirt hem, the effortless beauty in her tousled ponytail. She loved the way Valentina hummed softly to herself as she worked in the kitchen; she loved the way the sunlight fell upon her face; she loved that she couldn’t tell whether it was Valentina or the morning sun that lit up the room in the warmest of orange glows. She loved her.

Valentina jumped when she turned to see Juliana standing silently in her presence. “Ay me asustaste. Que haces, bebe?” Valentina said, smiling at the tranquil look plastered on Juliana’s face. Juliana made her way over to Valentina and pulled her slowly by the shirt collar and kissed her softly.Juliana’s eyes remained closed for a few moments after they broke the kiss as if she was trying to savor and memorize the feeling. When she opened them again, she said the first thing that came into her mind: “You are the best thing.” She continued, “Thank you for this. For last night.” Valentina wrapped her hands around Juliana’s waist and rubbed her nose against Juliana’s. “You never have to thank me, Juls. But you’re welcome, any time. The pleasure is absolutely all mine,” Valentina responded. “I’m pretty sure it was at least partly also mine,” Juliana said in response. Valentina smiled and kissed her again. 

They enjoyed each other’s company and their coffee for a while longer before saying their goodbyes. Juliana left Valentina’s building and re-entered the outside world, with its bustling sidewalks full of rush-hour human traffic and noisy roads crowded by menacing cars. The pace of it was jarring against the slow warmth she just left, but Juliana felt like she was bubble-wrapped against the fury of it. Her cadence was slower and lighter than those around her; for once, she could observe the chaos and not experience it. Everything ricocheted off her but the sunshine on her face. She smiled at complete strangers and almost couldn’t comprehend how they could only scowl back. She was unaffected and didn’t mind. Not even a little bit, not even at all.

\--------

“Hola ma, cómo estás? Cómo fue todo?” Juliana said, greeting her mom with a kiss to the cheek when she returned to her house. “Bien, hijita. Mari was so excited to show us around her classroom. Her teacher seems wonderful,” Lupe said. “He is. We’re pretty lucky with that school; they’re so engaged with the students. It feels so different than the schools I remember,” Juliana said. “Y tú? How was your evening?” Lupe asked. “It was great,” Juliana responded, unable to hide the beaming smile that spread across her face. “Thank you. For doing that… it was really nice to have a night out,” Juliana added. “Of course, mija,” Lupe said. A tense silence settled between them. Juliana broke it first. “Mama, can we talk now?”

Juliana took a seat across from her mom at the kitchen table. Lupe didn’t respond verbally but didn’t leave, either. She was trying to keep an attentive gaze to her daughter through her visible unease. “Mama - I...I don’t know exactly what you know or heard or…” Juliana took a breath, stalling to find her words. She started over. “You know - there are so many crazy things that have happened in my life over the years that, overall, I stopped being surprised by them. So many shitty, awful things. Things I knew -or assumed- I just had to endure. And some things were difficult but also amazing...like when I realized I was pregnant with Mari, for example; I was terrified, but she is obviously the best thing that’s ever surprised me in my life,” Juliana said. Lupe smiled back at this, in full agreement on this point. “And, recently, when I least expected it, I was surprised again. But this time, it was the complete opposite of something bad. I met someone. Someone who is strong and kind and thoughtful,” Juliana paused as she met her mom’s gaze. “Finding myself in a relationship at this stage of my life, not to mention with a woman, definitely tops my list of unexpected life moments. But, mamá: it’s also a very close second to the most beautiful thing I’ve ever felt,” Juliana said.

Lupe relaxed her shoulders and looked at her daughter with what she only hoped expressed her sincerest love for her. “And… you feel… is this because of everything that happened with Alejandro?” Lupe asked, unable to help herself while navigating her confusion. Juliana sighed lightly. “No, ma. This has nothing to do with him or that. It’s because...Valentina is the first person in my life that has made me feel seen. Because she believes in me and in the goodness of others. And because you don’t choose who you love,” Juliana said. She mulled over the fact that she said this last part out loud. Her mom’s eyes widened slightly. “You...love her?” Lupe asked. 

In quick succession, images of Valentina flooded Juliana’s mind: their first meeting, first kiss, first night together, watching movies on the couch with Mari, her face in the morning sun. “Yeah. I do,” Juliana responded with a placid smile.

Lupe willed herself to prioritize her daughter’s happiness over her own discomfort, to focus on the light that took over Juliana’s face when she was around or merely spoke of Valentina. Lupe took Juliana’s hand in her own before speaking. “Mija. I am so happy you found someone you could open up to, who you could trust. Who sees you. And I’m really glad you are sharing this with me…Valentina seems really sweet. I can tell she really cares about you, and for Mariana,” Lupe said. Juliana’s heart swelled; she was so contented with her mother’s response. “She does, ma - she is so great with Mari. It might be because she’s part child herself sometimes,” Juliana said. Lupe smiled softly back at her daughter. “Have you told her how you feel about her?” Lupe asked, suddenly curious. “No…Not completely,” Juliana replied. “Something tells me you’re not alone there, Juli. You should tell her,” Lupe said. Juliana gave a nervous, small nod. “Thanks, mamá.”

\-------------------

Juliana was looking forward to getting to Valentina’s class both nights that week, having ample childcare with her parents around and more flexible work shifts. She arrived to the studio early on Monday before class and found Lucia at the front desk.

“Hola, Lucia. Cómo estás?” Juliana said. “Bien, gracias, Juliana. Vale is not here yet,” Lucia replied. “That’s ok - I’m actually here to see you,” Juliana said. “Oh! Ok. What’s up?” Lucia said. “I think Valentina’s birthday is this week? I don’t know the date,” Juliana said. Lucia smiled. “It is this week - it’s on Friday. How did you know if she didn’t tell you the date?” “She mentioned it a couple weeks ago offhand… I would like to do something special for her but need your help,” Juliana said. “Sure - what can I do?” Lucia replied.

\----------

For the rest of the week, when Juliana wasn’t spending time with her parents, she was making arrangements for a surprise for Valentina on Friday night. It was harder than she expected to hide the excitement in her voice as she talked around her plans when talking with Valentina. One evening on the phone was particularly challenging. 

“What are your plans for the weekend?” Valentina asked Juliana. “Hmm, not much… my parents leave Thursday, so I’m all out of childcare vouchers,” Juliana responded. “Why do you ask?” Juliana asked. “Oh. I was actually going to see if you wanted to go out to dinner with me on Friday. But it’s ok, another time…” Valentina said. “Was there a particular reason for Friday? Maybe Saturday could work?” Juliana offered, playing dumb. “Well, it’s, uh, actually my birthday on Friday,” Valentina said. “Val! Why didn’t you tell me?” Juliana whined, pretending to be shocked by the revelation. “Eh...I don’t like to make a big deal of my birthday,” Valentina replied. “Oh, Vale. I’m sorry.. I don’t think I can make it work. Let’s plan to see each other Saturday and I’ll make it up to you,” Juliana said. “Of course, chiquita. That sounds great,” Valentina said, trying to hide the disappointment in her voice.

Unbeknownst to Valentina, Juliana worked with Lucia to cancel Valentina’s Friday night class. (They promised the members two free make-up classes in return.) With Lucia’s help, Juliana arrived early to the studio on Friday to transform it into an indoor, star-lit camping experience. She rented a machine to project the constellations across the studio’s ceiling with a programmed rotation to mimic the Earth’s. She borrowed an extra large tent from a friend, large enough to fit them both along with Mariana who insisted that they’ve already had too many sleepovers without her. Lucia lent her a portable gas fireplace in place of a real fire that obviously wouldn’t do well in the studio.

In addition to some nature sounds on the stereo system and a mix of LED and real candles spread around the room, Juliana felt that the ambiance was a perfect faux-campout scene that was sure to surprise her girlfriend. “Ok, Mari, I think we’re all set up. Thanks for your help, I couldn’t have done it without you,” Juliana said to her daughter. “You’re welcome, mami! I can’t wait for Val to get here!” Mariana said. “Me neither,” Juliana said as she smiled. “Mari, I’m glad you like Valentina so much. Is it ok with you if she hangs out with us more often during the week and weekends?” Juliana asked her daughter. “Yes, sure! She likes to do fun things,” her daughter responded. “Will we still sometimes be just me and you?” Mariana asked. “Oh, definitely. We can always have special mami and Mariana time,” Juliana said. Juliana continued, trying to find the right words, “You know, mami and Valentina care about each other a lot. Sometimes when two adults like each other a lot, they’ll show how they feel through doing things like hugging and kissing each other. These are some of the ways Valentina and mami like to show that we like each other in a special way,” Juliana said. 

Mariana absorbed this information for a second. “Like how Abue and Abeulo kiss each other with their mouths?” Mariana asked. Juliana smiled. “Yeah, like that. It’s one of the ways adults in a relationship show that they love each other,” Juliana said. Mariana seemed to process this silently for a moment before simply responding, “Ok.” The beauty of children (at least early enough before they’re completely tainted by the world) is their ability to readily accept things that are simple to understand and move on. Juliana was grateful for that trait in this moment.

“Ok. So, here’s the plan for tonight: we have to be extra quiet when waiting here. When Lucia brings in Valentina and flips the switch for the projector and lights, we can surprise her. Do you think you can handle that?” Juliana asked her daughter. “Yes! I’m so excited!!” Mariana was literally shaking in her excited state; the intensity of it made Juliana laugh.

About 15 minutes before class was about to start, Juliana received a text from Lucia that Valentina arrived to the studio. “Hola, Lu,” Valentina said as she walked in the main door. “Vale! Feliz cumpleanos, nena!” Lucia said. “Aw, gracias Lu,” Valentina said as she gave Lucia a hug. “Que pasa niña? Not excited for your birthday?” Lucia asked after Valentina’s lackluster response. “Eh… I just wish I could have spent it with Juliana instead of teaching a class… but I was stupid and didn’t even tell her it was my birthday until yesterday,” Valentina said. “Ah. I see. Avoiding birthdays has backfired this year?” Lucia responded, trying to keep a straight face. “Well, how about you teach this class and I’ll take you out of a drink after?” Lucia offered. “Sure, that sounds good, Lu. Gracias,” Valentina said as she collected her things. 

“Am I early? It seems pretty quiet in here,” Valentina noted as she looked around the empty lobby. “Oh, yeah... there are already a couple eager students in Studio A, though. I’ll help you get set up,” Lucia offered and started walking ahead of Valentina towards the room. She sent a final text to Juliana before arriving at the door. Lucia opened the door with Valentina to a completely dark space. “That’s weird - why are the lights out?” Valentina asked. “Hm, yeah that’s pretty strange...Let me take a look,“ Lucia said as she walked over to the master electrical panel and turned it on. With the literal flip of a switch, the room was instantly illuminated by the projection of stars across the ceiling, the bluetooth candles, and the simulated campfire. Valentina was still adjusting the unexpected decor of her gym studio surroundings when she heard “sopresa!” shouted from the giant tent in the middle of the room. Her eyes adjusted to recognize her girlfriend and little Mariana with their party hats and giant smiles. “Huh. I guess class is cancelled after all,” Lucia said as she smiled at a stupified Valentina. She hugged Valentina, “Disfruta, nena. We’ll get that drink another time,” Lucia added with a wink before leaving the studio.

Valentina walked over to Juliana and Mariana. “Wey - this is amazing! What is all this?” Valentina asked as she looked inside the spacious tent and around the room. “Well, lucky for you I didn’t wait for you to tell me it was your birthday. And I had some good helpers,” Juliana said smiling at her daughter. “Feliz cumple, Vale!!” Mariana yelled as she swung her arms around Valentina’s waist. Valentina hugged her tightly. “Ay gracias mi chiquita - thank you so much for doing all this,” Valentina said to Mariana. “And you too,” she said to Juliana. With Mariana still grappling her waist, Valentina leaned over to kiss Juliana but stopped, remembering Mariana’s presence. Juliana noted the hesitation and quickly closed the distance between them. “Feliz cumpleaños,” Juliana said after releasing her lips. Her broad smile matched Valentina’s and Juliana felt the return of that warm feeling that was becoming commonplace around this woman.

“You hungry?” Juliana asked as they separated. Juliana proceeded to pull out to-go containers of food from a large bag. “It may not be on a secluded beach somewhere, but I still think they’re some of the best tacos I’ve found here so far,” Juliana said. “Chicharron, chorizo, o al pastor?” Juliana asked. Valentina smiled. “Mm - al pastor,” Valentina said. “Chicharron tacos for me!” Mariana said. “With cheese, right? And none of that green stuff,” Mariana added, referencing the cilantro that ran heavy through Mexican cuisine. Juliana divied up the tacos as well as the sides of rice and beans, and the three ate while they talked about their week. “Mari - finish that last bite. I promise we’ll make ‘Smores when you’re done,” Juliana said to her daughter.

Valentina looked amused and asked, “do people actually eat those marshmallow things you see in all the American movies?” Mariana and Juliana looked at Valentina in astonishment. “Uh - yeah! They’re delicious!” Mariana exclaimed with the tenor of a 13 year old. “Oh yeah? I generally share your taste in desserts, Mari, so I’m down to try them,” Valentina said. “Wait. Wait. You’ve never had smores before?” Juliana asked. “No.. they’re not that popular here? And I can’t say I’ve done a lot of camping,” Valentina said. “Where did she come from?” Juliana asked her daughter while pointing her thumb towards Valentina. Mariana giggled and shrugged back. 

They finished eating and cleaned up their area. When they were done, Juliana pulled out more supplies out of her seemingly never-ending bag of tricks. “Espera - where are you going to roast these marshmallows?” Valentina asked. “Good question - we’re improvising today. These unscented wax candles are going to be our fire pit tonight. We’ll do our best not to set off the smoke alarms,” Juliana said. 

She turned to her daughter. “Ok, Mariana - do we have everything we need? Graham crackers?” Juliana said. “Check,” Mariana replied.

“Chocolate?”

“Check!”

“Marshmallows?”

“Double check!”

“Great!” Juliana finished. “Don’t worry, Val - I’m really good at making smores. I’ll show you how to do it,” Mariana said. “Thank you, Mari. I’m so glad I have an expert here to teach me,” Valentina replied, looking admiringly at the girl diligently preparing to roast marshmallows on the long sticks Juliana also whipped out of nowhere. Valentina took advantage of Mariana’s diverted concentration to catch Juliana’s gaze. “This is so perfect, mi amor. Thank you,” Valentina said, interlocking her fingers with Juliana’s. “I’m glad you like it. Mari heard it was your birthday and really wanted to celebrate with you. I hope this is ok...” Juliana said. “It’s so much more than okay, Juls. I love this and am glad Mari is here. You know, this reminds me a lot of birthdays I used to have with my dad…. He wasn’t always the most present father, but he took birthdays seriously. He would surprise us every year with something special - a little day trip or unique excursion around the city. I looked forward to it every year; it always felt so special to have his attention for a whole day. It was like being the center of the universe,” Valentina reminisced. Juliana loved knowing that this evening could comfort a part of Valentina that she had lost.

Juliana and Valentina gazed at each other with their fingers intertwined for some time longer until they were interrupted by a close encounter with a flaming marshmallow Mariana was waving around. “Mami! Help!” Mariana yelped. In her characteristically cool demeanor, Juliana grabbed the stick and blew out the burning treat. “Don’t panic, cielito. Waving it around will just make it worse,” Juliana said, handing her daughter back the charred marshmallow. “Er… sorry Val, this one is a little toasty,” Mariana said. “Oh that one’s mine, Mari - I love the gooey insides of the burnt ones,” Juliana said. Mariana went back to work on toasting new marshmallows while Juliana started to pick at the burnt one before her. She was licking the sticky marshmallow off her fingers when she caught Valentina smiling at her. “Que pasa?” Juliana said as she paused mid-lick. Valentina’s smile grew larger. “Nada. You look so happy right now. It’s adorable,” Valentina said. “I am happy,” Juliana said. “Plus - you don’t know what you’re missing,” she said with a flick of her eyebrows as she continued to eat the marshmallow. “Hm, good point. Mari - how’s that next one coming?” Valentina asked. 

“They’re juuuuust right,” Mariana said, removing two light brown, toasted marshmallows from the flame. “Ok - What’s next?” Valentina asked. “You take your graham cracker and put a piece of chocolate like this,” Mariana said as she showed Valentina, “and then put the marshmallow like this, and squeeze with the top cracker.” Mariana finished demonstrating the process to Valentina. “Wow, you really are an expert,” Valentina noted. Mariana handed one to Valentina and they both took large bites of their melty treats. 

“What do you think?” Juliana asked. Valentina nodded, smiling and simultaneously trying to clean the dripping marshmallow from the side of her mouth. “Ish shweet,” Valentina muffled out in between crumbs. Juliana laughed and cleaned stray marshmallow from the side of Valentina’s mouth with her thumb. She sucked her thumb clean while keeping her eyes locked on Valentina’s. “It is,” Juliana said, not intending for this action to be as sexually charged as it was. Valentina stopped chewing and arched her eyebrows. Juliana bit her bottom lip and dropped her gaze before clearing her throat. 

“Uh - how is it Mariana?” Juliana asked, trying to redirect her thoughts. Mariana’s mouth was covered in melted marshmallow and chocolate. “Yesh, good enoughfm,” Mariana replied with a mouth full of smores.

Several smores and fireside stories later, Mariana fell asleep inside the tent, cuddled up next to her favorite stuffed animal. Juliana covered her in a sleeping bag and grabbed her duffle bag to meet Valentina outside the tent. She pulled out two pairs of sweatpants and t-shirts, along with a bottle of wine. “What do you say to pajamas and wine and some indoor star gazing?” Juliana asked while holding out the items. “I’d say hell yes,” Valentina said. 

Juliana opened and poured them both wine in their plastic cups while Valentina changed. After they were both in comfortable clothes, they laid together side by side on a sleeping bag set up outside the tent, holding hands and watching the slow movement of the ‘stars’ above them. “Ah, finally one I recognize. That’s Orion’s belt. And that’s Orion,” Juliana said, tracing the constellation with her finger in the air. “I really don’t know any others,” Juliana said. 

“My mom was a big fan of star gazing,” Valentina said. Juliana turned to look at Valentina as she spoke. “I have vague memories of laying out on the grass with her when I was younger, but I never learned much about them. I do remember her telling me about one of the brightest stars in Orion: Bellatrix. I remember because she said she suggested it as a name for me before I was born,” Valentina continued. “Huh, that’s an interesting choice,” Juliana said. “Yeah - I thought so, too. I remember she said it means ‘female warrior’ in Latin, which is kind of cool. But, that would have been a tough one to grow up with...especially after Harry Potter,” Valentina said. Juliana laughed as she responded, “But, it fits. You are a warrior; it’s very sexy. Though I’m not sure that’s what your mom was going for.” Valentina smiled.

“Can I ask you what happened with your mom?” Juliana asked hesitantly. “She got sick. Pancreatic cancer, I learned later. It all happened so fast. I was mostly confused by what was going on and discomforted by the sadness in everyone else’s eyes. But she had an amazing spirit through it all; looking back, I don’t know how she put on such a brave face. She must have been so scared. Or angry. Or… I don’t know. I would be all those things, I think,” Valentina thought out loud. “Maybe she was. But being a mom is weird, and you sometimes find inordinate strength to put on whatever face you think would be better for those you love. I can imagine she did it because seeing you cry would not have made her last days better. I’m sure whatever beautiful smile you offered her was the best thing she could have asked for,” Juliana said. Juliana wiped a stray tear from Valentina’s eye and kissed her face softly. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you sad on your birthday,” Juliana said. “No, no. It’s ok. I like talking about her. I rarely get to anymore. I wish you could have met her,” Valentina said. “Me, too,” Juliana replied.

“Hey - speaking of moms, I noticed you kissed me in front of Mari…” Valentina said, changing the topic. “Sure did,” Juliana said, kissing her girlfriend again. “I spoke to her earlier today, before you got here. She told me it was cool if you wanted to spend more time with us as long as she still got to have mami and Mari time. And I made it as clear as I could about us being in a relationship… that concept is a little foggy for a 7 year old, but she paralleled us to my mom and Panchito, which I thought was on the right track,” Juliana said. “Ok - you know you can tell me to back off if at any time you think she needs more time or…” Valentina started to say. Juliana nodded, “I know. It’s all good,” Juliana said as she smiled at her girlfriend next to her. Valentina placed a kiss on Juliana’s forehead and the two resumed their star gazing.

“How did you know it was my birthday? I never told you,” Valentina asked at some point. “You mentioned it a couple weeks ago when you were talking to Mari,” Juliana responded. Valentina turned her head to look at Juliana. “Do you always remember everything people say in passing?” Valentina asked. “No. But things you say seem to stick,” Juliana replied, turning her face to meet Valentina’s gaze. Valentina connected their lips and kissed Juliana slowly, using a mix of soft and hard pressure before pulling herself away slightly. “Gracias, Juls. Esto es muy lindo,” Valentina said in a little more than a whisper. 

“You’re welcome. I know I can’t replace the birthdays your dad managed to give you, but I hope we came close to making you feel like the center of the universe. These days, you’re feeling a lot like the center of mine,” Juliana said. Valentina smiled. “Ms. Valdes, tan cursi eres,” Valentina said teasingly. “But, yes. You did,” Valentina added. She lost herself involuntarily in Juliana’s chestnut eyes that glowed in the candle-lit room. Staring at Juliana like this, she couldn’t help the worlds tumbling out, “This is the best birthday I’ve had in a really long time. And you, Juls - I think you’re the best surprise of my life,” Valentina said, caressing Juliana’s face with her thumb and still scanning the eyes in front of her. “Te amo. Tanto,” Valentina said.

Juliana’s heart pounded in her chest. She held Valentina’s face with both of her hands and kissed her with as much tenderness as she felt in that moment. When she finally pulled back for air, Juliana didn’t have much left to say. “I love you, Valentina. Te amo a ti también.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience - hope you enjoyed this one. Is the softness nauseating yet? :)


	15. Brick by brick

How do you recover from the hit of a confession of love? The ones that knock the wind out of you and leave you dizzy. They’re nothing like a physical punch or the searing pain rendered by the crack of bone against bone. But perhaps it’s the sudden intensity of it, an emotional defibrillator into your body, that causes us to describe it this way. Like being hit by a Mack truck or a ton of bricks. Wonderful, happy, love bricks. 

And that’s exactly what it was like for Juliana in the days and weeks that followed that night. From the bubble of the rest of that evening, wrapped up in each other exchanging stories and kisses, to weeks later, in their new routine of frequent family dinners. Blueprints in her mind of the foundation of this new life building in front of her, brick by brick. 

Maybe it was the subliminal messaging of this analogy that found Juliana sketching structures again. At almost any moment of free time she had - on napkins at the diner or in the new sketchbook she gifted herself - her hands directed pencils with a conductors proficiency, rendering a symphony of designs across the blank pages. Of parks and cityscapes, landmarks and fountains, all of which beautifully integrated modern life and community-oriented spaces. And it was exactly in the throws of such a design that Valentina walked in on her, alone in the studio, early for class one evening with her headphones in.

Valentina stood at the entrance to the room and smiled to herself as she watched Juliana rapidly flicking her wrist across the page of a leather-bound sketchbook. She realized that Juliana was listening to music and thought better of getting close without warning. She simply watched from her spot in the doorway, curious about whatever had Juliana so captivated. After a few moments, she walked to the front of the room along the opposite wall, expecting that Juliana would catch the movement in her peripheral view. She didn’t. 

From the front of the room, Valentina rolled a ball gently in Juliana’s direction. The ball tapped against Juliana’s leg, causing her to promptly lift her focus. Juliana’s face lit up in an instant smile when she realized the perpetrator of the nudge. Juliana pulled the earbuds from her ears as Valentina smiled back and made her way over to Juliana sitting cross-legged, huddled over a workbook on the floor.

“Morrita! I didn’t even notice you come in,” Juliana said. Valentina sat down next to her and gave her a quick kiss. “Yes, I realized,” Valentina said. “What are you working on so intensely?” Valentina asked as she glanced over at the notebook. “Sketching! I’ve been drawing like crazy lately, I don’t know what it is,” Juliana said. Valentina beamed at the enthusiasm vibrating off of Juliana. “Cool! I didn’t realize you liked to draw. What are you sketching?” Valentina asked. “Landscapes, buildings, parks...I used to go to school for architecture back in Texas, but I stopped shortly before Mari was born,” Juliana said with a shrug. “Neta? That’s awesome, Juls. Can I see?” Valentina asked, reveling in this new information about her girlfriend. 

“They’re not that great,” Juliana said as she hesitated. Something about the look of pride and excitement in Valentina’s gleaming eyes made her quickly acquiesce. “Ok. Really, I’m just happy to be feeling the urge to sketch more these days. I forgot how much I missed this,” Juliana said as she handed over her pad to Valentina. Valentina slowly paged through the designs in various stages of completion. She ran her fingers over the hatch-marked skylines of buildings that sat beyond rolling hills of a park dotted with kids and dogs. “Juliana, these are beautiful,” Valentina said as she lifted her eyes to meet Juliana’s. “You are incredibly talented. Have you thought about going back to school?” Valentina asked. 

“I have. Especially more recently, now that Mari is a bit older and life is… well, less chaotic,” Juliana said with a soft smile. “But, it’s expensive and would still be hard while working and parenting and all. So I don’t know...” Juliana added. Valentina spoke without thinking. “I can help you. To pay for it, or with Mariana, or - whatever you need,” Valentina said. Juliana smiled and rolled her eyes at Valentina. “Val,” she started. Valentina interrupted her. “I know - I know that’s a lot. I just mean… I want to support you. You should definitely pursue this, and I want to help, in whatever way you’ll let me,” Valentina said, her eyes bright and eager like a puppy. Juliana took a breath in. “Thank you. I promise I’ll think about it,” Juliana said. Valentina held her gaze a moment longer. There was so much about this woman that Valentina didn’t yet know, but she couldn’t help thinking that she was capable of so many great things. 

“But right now, you have a class to teach. Andale,” Juliana said, playfully swatting Valentina’s thighs. As other classmates started to trickle in, Valentina finally got herself off the floor. She squeezed Juliana’s arm in parting before making her way to the front of the room.

The class proceeded in what was a typical manner these days: filled with lingering glances across the room between the instructor and her favorite student. Much of the time, Juliana didn’t even realize Valentina’s eyes were on her; she really enjoyed focusing on the workouts and perfecting the new moves. But, at other moments - when Valentina commanded attention while explaining something new, for example - the two had a tendency to watch each other like cat and mouse. Or like now, when they were stretching on opposite sides of the room as class was winding down. Juliana watched Valentina flex her neck back and drag her fingers at an excruciatingly slow pace down her twisted thighs. She watched her snake her body in another direction before pulling her knee tight to her chest to enhance the stretch. Juliana wasn’t sure whether Valentina intentionally moved this way under Juliana’s watch or if she just found all Valentina’s movements intoxicating, but Juliana found herself, again, completely forgetting there was anyone else in that room.

Naya, who turned out to be a fun -albeit, exceptionally flirty- person, was stretching next to Juliana and spoke up suddenly. “So, what’s the deal with you and Valentina?” Naya asked as they stretched. Juliana snapped out of her trance. “Huh? What do you mean?” Juliana asked in response. “I _ mean _ that I’m half expecting you to be pregnant after the eye-fucking that was happening during class,” Naya said. Juliana’s face turned beet-red before she broke out laughing. She hid half her face with her hand. “It’s, uh, that obvious?” Juliana asked. “Girl,” Naya rolled her eyes, “Spill it.” Juliana’s eyes flickered to Valentina in front of the room before she responded. They had tried to keep their relationship lowkey around Valentina’s classes for professional reasons, but clearly weren’t doing a great job. “She’s.. We’re… we’ve been dating for months. She’s my girlfriend,” she said, failing to suppress a smile. “Damn, girl - look at you,” Naya said, smirking. Looking from Juliana to Valentina, she continued, “well, good for you two. Let me know if you ladies need an extra hand,” Naya said. “Cállate,” Juliana said as she laughed and pushed Naya. 

As had become tradition after classes, Juliana collected Mariana from her karate session and they headed out with Valentina to eat dinner at their place. “Vale, will you come with us to visit Abeula and Abuelo for Thanksgiving?” Mariana asked as they ate some of Juliana’s homemade pozole. Valentina wasn’t actually aware of these plans and didn’t know how to respond. Juliana chimed in. “We decided to go to Texas for a few days over the holiday in a couple weeks. You know, they colonizer one where the gringas like to eat the dry bird meat?” Juliana asked. Valentina nodded. “My mom told me they can’t make it down for Christmas like they usually do, so I thought this would be a nice way to spend some time with them,” Juliana explained. “Would you want to come with us?” Juliana asked. “Sure, if you’d like me to join you. And if you’re sure it’s ok with your parents,” Valentina responded. “Of course I want you to join. I’ll talk to my mom tomorrow; I’m sure she’d love to have you there,” Juliana responded. “I can show you all my toys I have at Abue’s house, Valen. I even have my own room there!” Mariana exclaimed. “I can’t wait, chiquita,” Valentina responded, smiling brightly at the jubilant girl.

\------------------

The flight was uneventful and the trio found themselves in Texas early on the Wednesday before the Thursday holiday, avoiding the majority of the travel rush. They enjoyed the day with Lupe and Panchito and after dinner, Juliana suggested that she and Valentina head out to get out of the house for awhile. 

They ended up at a local bar that typically drew a lowkey crowd of mostly locals. The bar was more crowded than usual with it being the night before Thanksgiving, which was a popular night for partying in the States. The two women grabbed a couple drinks and headed over to an empty table.

“Mira, Juls - que es ‘Big Buck Hunter’?” Valentina asked referring to a video game in the corner of the lively bar. Juliana laughed. “Ah. It’s a game where you hunt deer and other wildlife. It’s the epitome of dive-bar entertainment,” Juliana replied. “Que raro,” Valentina said as she continued to survey the scene around her. “Did you used to come to this place when you lived here?” Valentina asked. “A long time ago. It’s a popular spot for the college and early twenties crowd. I haven’t been in many years, though,” Juliana said. Valentina was about to ask more questions about her younger days when a dark-haired man appeared at the side of their table, his sight-line pinned to Juliana. 

“Juliana,” the man said with a warm smile on his face. His look also displayed a sense of hesitancy Valentina couldn’t place and she felt herself go on instant alert as she watched this man approach them. Juliana responded with her own mix of shock and half-smiles, “Sergio. Hi,” Juliana said. The two exchanged polite cheek kisses in greeting. “I didn’t expect to find you here. It’s nice to see you,” Sergio said, his gaze lingering on Juliana’s face. Juliana quickly pivoted to introduce Valentina, “Sergio, this is Valentina. Valentina, this is Sergio. Sergio and I have, uh, known each other for many years,” Juliana said. “Mucho gusto, Sergio,” Valentina said, shaking his hand, still wary of the situation. “Sí - mucho gusto - do you live here, too?” Sergio asked Valentina. “No. I’m here with Juliana visiting her family for the holiday,” Valentina replied. “Ah, que chido,” Sergio responded, trying to go along with the stunted flow of conversation.

He returned his attention to Juliana. “So, where are you living these days, Juli? I wasn’t sure where you landed after… after you left,” Sergio said. Juliana’s discomfort only grew at this question. “I… headed south and am happy there. Just visiting for the holiday with Mariana,” Juliana said as she picked at the label of her beer bottle. Sergio didn’t push for more detailed information, but did light up at the mention of Mariana. “Oh my gosh - Mari! I bet she is so big now,” Sergio said. Juliana whipped out her phone, “she is,” Juliana said as she showed some pictures of her smiley child. “Oh, Juli. Que bellísima. Just like her mama,” he said with a wink, smiling widely at Juliana. Valentina’s irritation grew. She couldn’t quite puzzle together Juliana’s relationship to this man. She knew he wasn’t her ex-husband but noted her general unease and withholding of personal details; it all made her question their history and the level of protectiveness she should exhibit in this scenario.

Valentina tried to meet Juliana’s eyes but wasn’t successful. She tried a more direct approach and reached out for Juliana’s hand resting on the table. She caressed it gently, “hey,” Valentina said, beckoning Juliana’s gaze towards her. “Let me know if we need to get back to Mari, ok?” Valentina said sweetly, trying to find a way to give her girlfriend an out if she needed one. Juliana picked up on this and softened. She rubbed her thumb across Valentina’s hand in return and smiled at her. “No, mi amor. Está bien,” Juliana said. In the corner of her eye, Valentina noted Sergio staring at their hands and his eyes shifting back and forth between them. She braced herself for a negative response.

He cleared his throat, “well - I’m really glad to see you with a smile on your face, Juli. I…” His eyes dropped to the floor and he paused looking for lost words before looking up to continue. “I feel like I was not helpful to you in the past. I wish I hadn’t been so naive or that...“ he trailed off. Juliana inhaled and exhaled slowly, “Sergio, don’t. I don’t-” Juliana started but he cut her off, putting his hands up as if to say ‘I know, I’m done.’ “Bueno. I’m glad you and Mariana are doing well. Please send my regards to your parents. Cuidate bien,” Sergio said with a soft smile. “Nice meeting you, Valentina,” he said before heading away in the other direction of the bar.

“Estás bien?” Valentina asked Juliana once he was gone. Juliana nodded. “Sí. Gracias,” Juliana said with a side smile, intertwining her fingers with Valentina’s. “I’m sorry that was so awkward… it just took me by surprise, is all,” Juliana said. “Is he an old friend?” Valentina asked, trying to understand more behind the nature of the interaction that just unfolded. “Eh, sort of...he is..was Alejandro’s best friend. He saved Alejandro from many fights and outbursts over the years, but never quite understood that those behaviors didn’t end at the bar… or chose not to understand it, maybe,” Juliana said. “Not that I expected him to ever step in or something,” Juliana added with a small sigh. “I can imagine how it could feel like they should have known their friend better than anyone… and what they’re capable of,” Valentina suggested. “Yeah, maybe. But I’ve learned that most problematic men have many people around them that enable their behavior, even if just by ignoring what they know to be true. Unfortunately, their complicity still comes at a cost to those victimized by the people they’re choosing to protect,” Juliana said. 

“Looks like I can just take over for my therapist now,” Juliana laughed lightly at herself. Valentina returned the smile. “En serio, I think it’s great that you’re able to put words to all this, Juls. I know that probably wasn’t always the case. Going to therapy after my dad died helped me so much. Even with things I was still carrying from when my mom passed away. It all melds together, really, and we can all use a little help disentangling ourselves,” Valentina replied. “Esa es la verdad,” Juliana said before taking a swig of her beer. 

Valentina shot a glance over to the video game on the wall. “Vale. If you are ok to stay a little longer, I am very curious about this hunting animals game. Shall we?” Valentina said, switching the subject. Juliana flashed a broad smile. “Vamos,” she said before grabbing Valentina’s hand and heading out of the booth to the video game. The two spent the rest of the evening enjoying their night out, laughing and sharing drinks, and even dancing to the older pop songs that would randomly play from the still functional jukebox. At some point, they heard the opening guitar riff to a sappy favorite. 

Juliana took Valentina’s drink from her hands and placed it on a nearby table with her own. Without speaking and keeping her eyes locked on Valentina’s, she extended her hand in invitation to Valentina who gladly accepted. As “Y Llegaste Tu” by Sin Banderas played in the background, the two danced slowly, tightly pressed together, as if they were the only two people in that bar. Juliana noozled her face into the side of Valentina’s and remained there for the duration of the song. Valentina closed her eyes briefly, letting the moment sink into her bones. She opened them shortly after to scan the room, anticipating awkward stares or potential problems. Much to her surprise, there were only few fleeting glances; no one really seemed to notice or care. She was still scanning when she met Sergio’s gaze from where he was leaning against the jukebox, watching them, with an easy smile upon his face. He raised and tipped his beer in a virtual toast in Valentina’s direction. She smiled back and gave a slight head nod in return. 

The movement caused Juliana to move from her position buried in Valentina’s neck. “Pasa algo?” Juliana asked. “Nope, nada, mi amor,” Valentina said as she searched Juliana’s dark eyes in front of her. With a smirk on her face, she started to sing along dramatically, with the song playing around them:

“Y llegaste tú y me sorprendió

El poder que había en este amor

Y llegaste tú una bendición

Aún recuerdo el momento en que todo cambió”

Juliana laughed while Valentina serenaded her. She brought Valentina close when she stopped her singing. “Eres bien loca y te amo,” Juliana said, still beaming at the woman in front of her. Valentina left a quick kiss against her lips and held her girlfriend close while they completed the dance. When the song ended, Juliana decided she was ready to leave. “Vamanos?” Juliana asked. “Si, vamos,” Valentina responded. Valentina collected their coats and directed the two of them out of the bar into the crisp Fall air. 

Valentina wrapped her arms over Juliana’s shoulders to keep her warm while they waited for a Lyft. “How does it feel being home?” Valentina asked. “It’s… strange,” Juliana started. She paused before continuing. “There are a lot of mixed emotions being in a place that’s so familiar and foreign at once. it has pieces of ‘home,’ but also doesn’t feel like home any longer. And it’s also the place where so many of my worst moments came to fruition,” Juliana said pensively. “But, you know what? I don’t feel haunted by it anymore,” she continued. Valentina kissed Juliana’s head through her hair. Juliana looked at Valentina, “And it was really fun making new memories here with you.” Valentina smiled. “I agree. Who knew I’d be a pro at table-top shuffleboard?” Valentina said. “Oh yeah, you definitely have a gift,” Juliana said.

\-----------

Juliana and Valentina quietly slipped into the house close to 2 AM. Everyone else was asleep, as expected, and the pair tried to make as little noise as possible. Between their buzzed giggling and clumsy efforts to remove their boots and coats, this was easier said than done. They headed up the stairs to the guest bedroom, thankfully out of earshot of the other bedrooms. As soon as they closed the door, they fell onto the bed laughing. “Why does it feel like we’re sneaking around?” Valentina said as she laughed. “How old are we??” she continued. “I don’t know!” Juliana giggled back. 

Valentina drunkenly reminisced while staring up at the popcorn ceiling. “I snuck out of my house once when I was 15 and, when I came back- wasted- I thought I was so smooth and undetectable. My sister was waiting for me by my door by the time I got upstairs; she was furious. But I was so drunk, I couldn’t stop laughing at her. I kept trying to get her to dance with me, which made her even madder!” Valentina laughed as she recounted the story. “She got her revenge the next day by playing her music super loud. I was so hungover and miserable. I was under her version of house arrest for weeks,” Valentina finished, rolling her eyes. 

Juliana had a gigantic smile on her face as she basked in the energy emanating off of Valentina. “I would have liked to have known you at 15,” Juliana said. Valentina turned her body towards Juliana’s on the bed. “You think we would have been friends? Maybe more than friends?” Valentina said, waggling her eyebrows. Juliana laughed, “I like to think we would have been friends, but I was also pretty closed off when I was younger. Maybe you would have set me on an entirely different life path,” Juliana said. “Hm, maybe. But maybe I would have been a drunken mess and pushed you away, so who knows,” Valentina said. “I’m pretty happy with the way things turned out,” Valentina said, holding Juliana’s beer-glazed stare. “Yeah. Me too, morrita,” Juliana said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the long delay! I hope you're still hanging in and enjoyed some couple cuteness from these two. Full disclosure, the next chapter or two will likely be the last for this story. I've really loved writing it, so it's a tough decision, but I like when fics have an ending and I think this one is close. Leaves some love and thoughts. Hope you're all well and enjoying the beautiful Barbara content these days.


	16. Merry happy everything (Part I)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentina, Juliana, and Mariana get into the holiday season and celebrate Christmas Eve together.

The Fall came and went as orange leaves fell to colder nights and by mid december, Las Posadas and the countdown to Christmas began in CDMX. Valentina loved this time of year where everything was literally brighter - covered in glittering lights and, often, in actual glitter. She loved the colors and traditions that the holiday brought to her family and the city. She was especially thankful that she lived somewhere she could enjoy it all without the freezing cold weather she hated. 

One evening, Valentina showed up to Juliana’s house with grand plans for a holiday-filled evening. Juliana opened the door to Valentina in a picturesque winter outfit: a knitted sweater, loose-fitting beanie, fingerless knitted gloves, and a scarf wrapped around her neck. “Que haces, morrita? Are you feeling ok?” Juliana asked. Valentina kissed Juliana before continuing into the house. “Hola, mi amor. I’m feeling great. Y tú - cómo estás?” Juliana smiled while she pondered her enigmatic girlfriend. “Estoy bien...just wondering if we’re expecting snow?” Juliana asked. “Nope! But we  _ are _ expecting winter fun. I’m taking you and Mari out to the ice skating rink downtown,” Valentina said. “There’s an ice skating rink downtown?” Juliana asked. “Yes! And lights and delicious treats!” Valentina chirped.

Juliana loved the excitement Valentina brought with her. It was infectious and she was happy to let it invade her. “That sounds great, Val. We haven’t explored the city during Christmas, yet. I don’t think we have the outfits to match you, though,” Juliana said smirking. “Mi amorcita, do you think I would let you go out unprepared?” Valentina said and immediately swung her backpack around onto the table. She opened it and proceeded to take out two sweaters (one child-sized), several hats, and two pairs of gloves. “Ay, hermosa. You didn’t have to get all this,” Juliana said, as her eyes scanned the contents spread out on the table. “I know. But I wanted to. And I really needed to see you in a winter beanie,” Valentina said as she placed the knit cap on Juliana’s head. “Mmhm. Just as expected - incredibly adorable,” Valentina said, still holding onto the sides of Juliana’s face. Juliana grabbed Valentina by the waist and kissed her on the lips and then peppered them quickly all over her face. “Gracias,” Juliana said when she was done attacking Valentina. “Mari! Val’s here - we’re going ice skating! Come on out,” Juliana called to her daughter from the other room.

Mariana ran down the hallway, twirling once she arrived into the room. “Hola, Val! Ooo is that for me?” Mariana said when she saw the sweater hanging on the chair. “Yup. You like it? Valentina asked. “Yes! I’ll go change!” Mariana said. “What do you say to Val?” Juliana asked her daughter. “Thank youuuu!” Mariana added as she ran back to her room to change clothes. 

\-----------

The trio wandered around the illuminated Zocalo and admired the giant decorated tree as they sampled the treats from the many street vendors. They eventually made their way to the ice skating rink as promised. “Val - please let me pay for this - you’ve already done enough,” Juliana said to Valentina who was already up to the counter to pay for tickets and skate rentals. “Basta - I offered to take my favorite ladies out and that’s what I’m doing. Tranquila, mi amor,” Valentina said. Juliana reluctantly put her wallet away and softened after Valentina left a gentle kiss on her cheek. 

After they laced up their skates, Valentina turned to the youngest of the bunch who was wobbling unsteadily. “You ready, Mari?” Valentina asked. Mariana surveyed the glistening surface and steadily speeding children. “Um. I don’t think I want to anymore,” she answered. Her eyes made apparent her mix of fear and elation. Valentina looked to Mariana then to the rink, and back to Mariana. “Have you ever been on ice skates before, chiquita?” Valentina asked. “No,” Mariana said shyly. “Hey - it’s ok to be nervous when you try new things. Totally normal. But if I’ve learned anything in life, bebe, it’s that fear shouldn’t ever stop you from trying them,” Valentina said. Valentina learned how to skate when she was 4 and got to practice when her family went on ski trips to mountains in Europe. She left this detail out as she bent down to Mariana’s eye level. “How about we go out for 10 minutes and if you hate it, we’ll stop.” Valentina continued. Mariana looked up at her mom and then back to Valentina. “Promise you won’t let go?” Mariana asked. “I promise,” Valentina answered, offering her pinky finger as a stamp on her word. Mariana smiled and interlocked her pinky with Valentina’s and headed out to the ice. 

Juliana, not much better on skates than her daughter, watched from the side as Valentina skated backwards while she held Mariana’s hands in front of her. She enjoyed the natural way in which Valentina could move across the ice; it wouldn’t surprise her if Valentina suddenly threw her body into an axel turn or some other elaborate display of athleticism. She warmed at the sight of Valentina teaching Mariana how to push and glide, one clunky step at a time. Valentina was effortlessly patient and positive in a way that Juliana had to work to be, and she admired this about her. After the initial 10 minutes, Mariana was perfecting the step-step-glide and found her courage to hold only one of Valentina’s hands. The two skated over to Juliana who was still stationary against the wall. Valentina held out her free hand. “Join us?” she asked. Juliana hesitated before placing her hand in Valentina’s. “Ok, but don’t get mad when I take you both down with me,” Juliana said. “I got you, bebe,” Valentina said with a wink in Juliana’s direction. “Just step and glide like your rockstar daughter and you’ll be fine,” Valentina added, shooting Mariana a bright smile.

A couple falls and almost an hour later, they retreated off the ice and traded their skates for a flat-footed alternative. “That was so fun!” Mariana said. “But now my feet feel weird. I feel like I’m still skating,” she said as she moved her body around. Valentina giggled with her. “I’m so glad you liked it! It’s one of my favorite winter activities to do,” Valentina said. “What other winter things do you like to do?” Mariana asked. The three continued to saunter through the holiday crowds as they chatted. “Well, skiing is really fun, but not something you can do here in Mexico City,” Valentina responded. “Have you ever gone skiing, mami?” Mariana asked Juliana. “No, mi cielo. Not really an option in Texas, either,” Juliana said. “One day, we’ll all go on a trip to somewhere cold and snowy and I’ll take you skiing, Mari,” Valentina said. Mariana’s eyes lit up. “Wow! That would be so cool! I’ve never seen snow before,” Mariana said. Valentina realized, once again, that many of the things she grew up taking for granted were only stuff of fairytales for many others. She hugged the little girl into her side. 

“I also love cozying up with a movie and hot chocolate, though. Any thoughts on that?” Valentina said as they walked back to the car. Juliana chimed, “that sounds like my kind of winter night.” “Yeah! Can we do that tonight? Pleeeease,” Mariana said. “Sure thing, chiquita. Vamos,” Juliana said as they finally reached the car and headed home.

\------------

The holiday season reached a fever pitch by the 24th, by which time Valentina and Juliana agreed to spend a quiet Christmas Eve together at Juliana’s house. Juliana loved Christmas Eve and the anticipation that came with it. She preferred it to Christmas day itself where everything seemed to come and go too quickly, leaving an empty feeling by mid-day. And this year, she was especially looking forward to the intimate evening in advance of the next day where she agreed to join Valentina and her family at their family house. 

She was excited to finally meet Valentina’s family, but couldn’t deny her building anxiety about what it would be like. Who these people were. How they would receive her and Mari. From Val’s stories, they seemed more intense than most people she’d known in her life; high-powered jobs and abundant wealth was not something Juliana was accustomed to. Any rich people she ever came across in her life were spoiled brats who thought their money afforded them not only any physical object or person they desired but also both literal and figurative ‘get out of jail free’ cards. She hated the way they wield their power over those with less. But, then again, Valentina wasn’t like that, she thought. And since she was raised by this family, in that world, maybe her perceptions were unfair. Or maybe Valentina was just the exception. Regardless, Juliana wanted to know the important people in Valentina’s life. And she knew it was time; Valentina met her parents multiple times and was comfortably interwoven into her life with Mariana. She decided to focus on that and put aside everything else for the evening.

After an elaborate dinner, Valentina’s homemade champurrado, and an impromptu dance party in their Christmas PJs, the two women readied Mariana for bed. “Can you read just one more story, Val?” Mariana begged. Valentina looked to Juliana for guidance. “No, mi amor, we’ve read 3 books already and it’s way past your bedtime,” Juliana said. They all glanced at the clock’s late hour. “Plus, if you’re not sleeping before midnight, I’m pretty sure the presents don’t quite make it to the house,” Valentina added. Mariana shut her eyes immediately before adding “OK - goodnight mami! Goodnight, Val!” They both left kisses on Mariana’s forehead before leaving the girl to rest.

In the living room, Juliana settled into a comfy nook in Valentina’s side on the couch. Valentina automatically wrapped her arms around Juliana and the two sat silently, listening to the low hum of Christmas songs playing in the background. After a few moments, Juliana broke the silence. “Morrita?” she asked. “Dime, mi amor,” Valentina responded. “Can I give you your gift now?” Juliana asked. Valentina smiled. “I thought we were going to wait until tomorrow,” Valentina said. “Yeah, I know. But, I think this one is better for tonight,” Juliana said. “Ok...” Valentina said, intrigued. “Ok - ven,” Juliana stood and tugged Valentina by the hand towards her bedroom. “Hmm… what kind of gift is this exactly?” Valentina said with a smirk as she followed Juliana down the hall. Juliana smirked back, “probably not the kind you’re thinking.” 

Once they got in the room, Juliana sat Valentina on the bed and retrieved a small, wrapped rectangular box from her dresser. She handed it to Valentina who thumbed the beveled red and silver wrapping paper once it was in her hands. “Open it,” Juliana said before lifting her thumbnail to her teeth. Valentina registered her girlfriend’s nervousness, which only heightened her curiosity at the gift. Valentina slowly unwrapped the box. She lifted the lid once it was unwrapped to find a set of freshly copied keys on a keychain of two animated smiling churros with a heart between them. She looked up at Juliana, still not entirely sure of what she was holding. 

Juliana removed her hand from her mouth. “They’re keys to the house. This house,” she said as she nervously fidgeted her hands together. “I know this place isn’t as nice as yours, but it’s mine and it’s home,” Juliana rambled. Valentina started to respond to this deprecating statement, but Juliana continued before she could speak. “I’m not expecting you to move in. But, I wanted you to have space for yourself, and for your stuff,” she said as she walked over to open her closet. In a cleared out space inside, Valentina saw an ornate refurbished wooden dresser that she knew wasn’t there weeks prior. “This place feels a lot more like home whenever you’re here. And I want it to feel like home for you, too,” Juliana continued. Juliana barely finished her sentence when Valentina leaped to a standing position and connected her lips with Juliana’s, gripping tightly the house keys in one hand and the back of Juliana’s neck with her other. As if her kiss didn’t say it clearly enough, Valentina broke away to say it out loud. “Thank you,” she said, looking deep into Juliana’s eyes. She was so grateful for being let in to this woman’s life, something she knew she shouldn’t take for granted. “I love you, and this. And this place will  _ always _ be nicer than mine because  **you** are in it, mi amor,” Valentina added. Juliana rolled her eyes at this, but smiled all the same. Juliana kissed her back before verbally responding, “I love you, too.” 

\---------------

Once the sun rose, Juliana and Valentina found themselves as they often did in the mornings, wrapped up in a tangled mess of legs and sheets. This morning, however, they were woken up by excited squeals from Mariana in the living room, presumably as she gaped at the presents that magically appeared under the tree during the evening. Back in her room, Juliana rubbed her eyes and turned to Valentina. “Feliz Navidad, mi amor,” Juliana whispered before kissing her girlfriend who was struggling to open even one eye. Valentina sleepily kissed her back. “It’s so early,” Valentina groaned and she involuntarily started to drift back to sleep. Juliana couldn’t blame the girl; they were running on very few hours of sleep, afterall. It was the price to pay for tearing each other’s pajamas off after Juliana gave Valentina her gift. Valentina, determined to demonstrate her gratitude, worshiped at the altar of Juliana’s body with her dexterous hands and tongue into the early hours of Christmas morning. Even with half her mind in the clouds, the ineradicable mom brain triggered in Juliana afterwards, reminding her that she still had to put gifts for Mariana under the tree. They both dressed, put out the gifts together, and finished cleaning up from the evening before dropping from exhaustion. 

And so the sunny Christmas morning found them with bags under eye and hot coffee in hand, watching an elated Mariana tear into carefully wrapped gifts from their position on the floor. Juliana sat with her back against Valentina’s front and Valentina’s arms wrapped around her waist, enjoying the coziness and calm of the holiday morning. Valentina felt it, too; she couldn’t recall the last time she felt so tired nor so happily fulfilled. As she left a kiss on the back of Juliana’s head, Valentina closed her eyes and made a silent wish that every Christmas for the rest of her life would feel like this.

Once Mariana finished opening her presents, she ran to Juliana and hugged her tightly. “Gracias, mami. I love them. You’re the best; you remembered everything!” Mariana said. Juliana hugged her back with the same ferocity. “You’re very welcome, mi niña. Te quiero mucho mucho,” Juliana said before decorating her face with kisses. “I’m going to bring these to my room!” Mariana said before she ran off to introduce her new toys to her well-worn ones.

Once out of ear-shot, Valentina turned to Juliana. “I didn’t realize she knew it was you - I thought we were playing Santa last night,” Valentina said. Juliana moved to collect the discarded wrapping paper thrown across the floor. “Nah. That story didn’t last long for her,” she said. “One year, when money was very tight and things were getting particularly worse with Alejandro, I couldn’t get many gifts for her. I chose to tell her that there was no Santa and the lack of gifts wasn’t that he was leaving her out or anything. Somehow, that seemed more devastating than explaining the reality that things cost money that we just didn’t have…” Juliana said as she finished cleaning up. 

Valentina frowned. “God. Yeah… I’m..sorry you had to do that…” Valentina trailed off, thinking about her own Christmases with piles of gifts lined up under the tree for her and her siblings. For a long time, she assumed everyone’s morning was filled with boxes of varying sizes and the year’s newest video game system. Even as she grew to know that such abundance was special and certainly not everyone’s experience, she hadn’t actually known anyone who didn’t get any presents or whose family had to choose food over more frivolous items. While she sympathized with the scenario, she really couldn’t comprehend what that life was like. It hurt her to know that Juliana had not only experienced it for herself but had to be the one to explain its harsh realities to a young Mariana. “Well...it’s probably better she understands all that now, right? I mean, gifts really don’t magically appear and strange men coming into the house while you sleep is actually a really strange concept to be ok with,” Valentina said lightly. Juliana laughed. “Yeah, I’m all good with that part,” Juliana said.

After breakfast and a power nap while Mariana watched a movie, the two women got up to get dressed. “We’re supposed to head to my brother’s house around 3. Does that work for you?” Valentina asked. “Yup, sounds great, bebe. I was going to bake something…” Juliana paused, thinking again. “Unless you think that’s a dumb idea...Nevermind; I’m sure they’ll have better desserts,” Juliana said. “Hey - stop that,” Valentina said, lifting Juliana’s downturned face by her chin. “Of course you don’t have to make anything, but if you did, I promise it will be the best thing anyone eats today. You are an excellent baker, mi amor,” Valentina said. She kissed Juliana’s nose. Juliana smiled back.  “Ok,” Valentina announced, steeling herself to actually get moving. “I’m going to run home to get ready. I’ll be back to pick you two up later!” Valentina said before kissing Juliana and getting her stuff together to leave. “See you later, morrita,” Juliana said. Juliana wondered if she would always feel the weight of Valentina’s absence the instant she left. She held her breath and that feeling for a few seconds longer until the burgeoning thoughts of the day ahead came crashing in once more. ‘ _ Well, here goes something _ ,’ she thought, as she made her way to the kitchen and started on her pie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally intended to create a longer chapter but the next part requires more thought and effort. Instead of waiting, I decided to split it and give you at least part of it before Christmas! 
> 
> Thanks for sharing in this story with me. Happy holidays to you all!


	17. Merry happy everything (Part II)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juliana finally meets the Carvajals on Christmas day and grapples with how she fits into their world.

Valentina showed up promptly at 3 as promised. She collected her favorite ladies dressed in their most festive attire: Mariana in a white and red dress paired with her hair in a shiny bow, and Juliana in a dark green velvet short dress with her long, wavy locks cascading around her face. “You two look amazing!” Valentina beamed. She kissed Juliana hello and said in a lower volume, “I was originally looking forward to that pie, but I think my priorities for dessert just changed.” Juliana’s dark eyes flashed and she blushed slightly. “You look great too, morrita,” Juliana said to her girlfriend who was rocking a white fitted suit with her hair pulled up and away from her face. “Gracias,” Valentina said as she flashed her a sultry smile. 

A short drive later, the trio pulled up to a gated wall. Valentina lowered the window and cheerily called out to the waiting guard, “Hola Martín - como estas?” The guard smiled widely when he saw it was the youngest Carvajal. “Ah Señorita Valentina - estoy bien, gracias. Como esta usted? Ah! Ustedes,” he noted after seeing Juliana and Mariana in the car with her. “Muy bien, Martín - estamos aqui pa la cena con la familia. Te prometo a llevarte un pedazo de queque mas tarde,” Valetina said with a wink. Martín laughed. “Ya, gracias Señorita. Nos vemos,” he said as he opened the gate to let the car pass through. 

They continued to drive up a long, gravel driveway to the front of the house. Juliana marveled from the car window at the sprawling estate with it’s large-scale windows and well-manicured garden. As usual, her daughter said out loud exactly what Juliana was thinking. “Vale - is this your house?! It’s HUGE!” Valentina threw a soft side smile at Mariana. “This is where I grew up, yes,” she said. “Did you have a pool?” Mariana asked. “Yup,” Valentina said. “And a tree house? What about a dog? And servants?” Mariana asked various questions at a rapid-fire pace about this life that was open to so many possibilities of her imagination. Valentina laughed. “Eh.. not servants exactly… we did have people who we employed to help around the house. You will meet Silvina soon - she’s like my surrogate abuela,” Valentina explained. 

Once they parked and the interrogation was over, the three were greeted at the door by a small, older woman who almost broke into tears seeing Valentina. “Ay mi niña!” she said, wrapping Valentina into a smothering hug. “Hola Chivis - como estas?” Valentina asked. “I’m great now that you’re here! I’ve been waiting all morning!” Silvina responded. Valentina smiled and, once she broke out of Silvina’s grip, turned to introduce her guests. “Chivis, this is my girlfriend, Juliana, and her daughter Mariana.” Juliana gave a polite kiss in greeting, “Mucho gusto, Silvina. I’ve heard so much about you.” Silvina smiled warmly at Juliana and also at Mariana who waved shyly. “We’re so happy you can join us,” Silvina said. “We brought dessert,” Juliana said, holding out the apple pie. “Oh, it looks beautiful! Thank you,” Silvina said. She took the pie from Juliana and lead them deeper into the cavernous house. 

The space opened to a marble covered floor, with wide stairs leading to who knew how many other levels and rooms. They continued into a festively decorated living space where they were greeted by several members of Valentina’s family, already with drinks in hand and chatting animatedly. “Vale!” Guille shouted as they entered the room. The dark-haired man with button-black eyes and a close stubble beard ran over to hug his sister tightly, closely followed by a petite, brown-haired woman with a warm smile. “Guille and Renata, this is Juliana and Mariana,” Valentina said after she was released from Guillermo’s embrace. “This is my brother, Guillermo, and his wife, Renata.” 

Guille shook Juliana’s hand, “finally I get to meet the famous Juliana. And you - the even more famous Mariana. Very nice to meet you,” he said, offering a polite kiss to her hand as if out of some Disney fairytale. Mariana ate it up and giggled back. Renata rolled her eyes and addressed Juliana. “Nice to meet you Juliana,” Renata said. “It will be nice to have another non-Carvajal around,” she added.

“Hey! What about me?!” a neatly bearded man chimed in from behind them. “Mateo, you don’t count. You’re way too inside to be an outsider,” Renata said. Mateo extended his hand to Juliana, “Mateo. Mucho gusto,” he said. Valentina stepped in to fill in some gaps, “Mateo is Eva’s husband and also took over the family business after our dad died. So, he really is like the fourth Carvajal sibling. Except...that’s really weird for Eva.” Mateo gave a snide smirk and side-eye to Valentina. “Speaking of, where is my charming sister?” Valentina asked as she looked around the room. “Oh she just went upstairs to answer a call. Should be right down,” Mateo answered. He turned his attention to Mariana. “Mariana - would you like to meet my daughter, Paola? She’s over there getting some juice - she says Chivis’ are the best. Would you like some?” Mateo asked, eager to entice the girl into comfort. Mariana looked to Juliana who gave her an encouraging smile. “That sounds delicious. Go ahead - I’ll be right over here,” Juliana said, urging her daughter to be social. Mariana hesitantly went with Mateo across the room; Juliana watched her go and thought about how neither of them were particularly used to engaging in new social settings with so many new people. She was quickly relieved after seeing a smile creep to Mariana’s face in response to something Mateo said as he introduced her to his daughter. 

“Can I get you two something to drink?” Guille asked Valentina and Juliana. “Quieren cerveza, vino, whiskey?” he added. “Just a water for me for now, thank you,” Juliana answered. “Whiskey for me, please,” Valentina responded. “Coming right up!” Guille said before heading over to the bar. “Val - this place is gorgeous,” Juliana said, looking around in awe. “Thanks… I always found it a little cold, to be honest. But it has its charm...” she said looking around trying to see it through fresh eyes and not with the lifetime of memories that clouded her view of it. 

Juliana walked through the main floor as Valentina chatted with her siblings. She admired all the photos around the house, appreciating the varied picturesque backgrounds that accompanied the smiling faces of a much younger Valentina or her siblings. She wondered if Valentina even knew how many countries she had been to or if she had lost count over the years. Juliana could only count two because of her move from the US to Mexico, but she wasn’t sure that really counted as having traveled. After a few minutes alone, Valentina slid up next to her, snaking her arm around Juliana’s waist. “Have you found all of my embarrassing hair styles, yet?” Valentina asked. Juliana smiled at her, “No way - these are so fun.” Valentina snuggled her face into the side of Juliana’s and kissed her cheek. 

“Is that your mom?” Juliana asked, pointing to a photo of the three young siblings sitting with life jackets on a large boat next to a tall, blonde woman with striking eyes that were only matched in color by Valentina’s. “Yup. That’s her. We were on our yacht sailing to her favorite island for her birthday that day,” Valentina said with a wistful smile and her eyes still trained on the photo. Juliana briefly rotated the “favorite island” comment over in her mind, one that implied having visited many and the option to return to certain ones. “She loved the sea,” Valentina continued, “my father got seasick almost every time we went out on that boat, but he never denied her when she wanted to sail away.” Juliana smiled softly at Valentina as she surveyed her look of nostalgia. “I can’t blame him. She sounds amazing. And, well, it’s obvious where you get your beauty from,” Juliana said, still locked on Valentina’s profile. Valentina turned to Juliana and returned the smile, complete with a light blush and slightly watery eyes. Juliana kissed her softly. “Ven,” she said, pulling Valentina back to join the others in the main room.

After a bit more chatting, Chivis voice rang out among the others. “Vamos niños! Dinner is served!” They all headed into the dining room where Juliana found a massive dining table set with formal place-settings and a large winter-themed poinsettia centerpiece. Juliana thought it was like something out of a magazine and wasn’t sure how they could actually eat on something so resplendent. As they all worked to find a suitable seating arrangement, Eva - with her piercing green eyes, tanned skin, and dark brown hair - emerged from the stairs and strode confidently into the room. “Sorry everyone. Work never sleeps!” she said. “Valentina! You’re here!” she added once she realized her sister’s presence and welcomed her with kisses. “And you must be Juliana,” she said, facing Juliana and shaking her hand firmly. “It’s nice to finally meet the family that has replaced our own,” Eva said. Juliana’s smile faded somewhat as she wasn’t sure if this was meant to be a joke, a jab, or some uncomfortable combination of both. “Eva,” Valentina said sharply through gritted teeth. “Oh, stop. I only meant who she has been spending so much time with! Is your daughter here, too?” Eva asked with her plastered-on smile. “Yes, of course. She was with Paola enjoying some of Chivis’ juices,” Juliana said, bringing her smile back to her face. “Oh - great! I’m glad they’re getting along,” Eva said.

They all found seats around the table and the young girls joined the bunch for dinner. The group passed around the many plates of food and bottles of wine as they started the banquet in front of them. Juliana enjoyed the conversation and banter among the jubilant family. She was quietly smiling at the sibling ribbing and everyone’s life updates when Eva decided to direct some questions her way. “So, Juliana, tell us more about yourself - Vale tells us you’re originally from Texas - what brought you to Mexico?” Eva asked. Juliana’s stomach churned at the question, never enjoying the roundabout way she needed to divert the conversation from her true past. She felt herself begin to sweat under the woman’s interrogation-like demeanor. “Uh, we were ready for a new start and I always wanted to spend some time here after hearing about it from my mom...she grew up here before moving to the States,” she answered. “Ah, I see,” Eva said. Juliana wasn’t sure how to read this response, as if she hadn’t given a satisfactory answer, or perhaps that Eva saw through it as an obvious lie. 

“Juls is planning to go back to school for architecture and design this year - she’s an amazing artist,” Valentina chimed in, trying to redirect the conversation. “Oh? That sounds interesting. And overwhelming, what with raising a child and working part time and all,” Eva said. Valentina glared at her; she hated her sister’s doubting attitude and wanted nothing more than to support Juliana in all her endeavors, especially for those in which she had obvious talent and interest. Juliana took an uncomfortable sip of her wine, squirming under the focused conversation. “Yeah, it’s a lot. Which is why I haven’t committed to it yet... But, Valentina’s right that it is what I’d like to do. And I appreciate the support,” Juliana said, smiling warmly at Valentina who caressed Juliana’s hand atop the table. 

Mateo chimed in from across the table. “Hey Juliana - I have a good friend who’s a major architect for the downtown high rise projects. I’m happy to put you in touch with him. Even just for some professional advice,” Mateo said. “Thank you, Mateo. That’s very kind of you,” she said, feeling appreciative but uncomfortable accepting anything resembling a hand out from these people she didn’t know. “The Carvajals have plenty of contacts in high places - but I’m sure you know that, right Juliana? I’m sure having Valentina around is very useful in that regard,” Eva said as she eyed Juliana from behind her wine glass. Juliana was at a loss for how to respond. Was this woman insinuating that she was with Valentina for her family name - one she had no real idea of its social clout and economic value until today? “Eva - that’s enough,” Mateo hissed at his wife next to him. Juliana cleared her throat. “No. I didn’t know that, actually. I’m fine finding my own way, thank you,” Juliana said, refocusing her energy on her dinner. Thankfully, the kids drew the adults attention away with some funny jokes and provided a welcome shift in tone and conversation for the rest of the meal. 

Juliana did her best to ignore Eva’s comments and enjoy herself, but the remark continued to gnaw at the back of her mind as they transitioned into the living room for the family’s gift exchange. Juliana knew this was part of their family tradition, and also that she was not expected to give gifts to the family. What she didn’t expect, however, was the abundance of gifts that would be flowing among the guests, including those that Valentina presented to her and Mariana. 

As she watched Mariana rip open the boxes Valentina pulled out for her, an unexplainable unease grew within her. After the sequin backpack, leather jacket, and several glamour accessories, Mariana opened the last box to reveal a handheld video game system. The little one exploded with excitement and disbelief as she ran over to Juliana to show her what she just unwrapped. “Mami! Mami! Can you believe it? It’s the Nintendo Switch we talked about!! I can’t believe it! Ah I am so excited! I thought I wasn’t going to get it this year!!” Mariana blurted. Juliana plastered on a smile trying to simultaneously match some of her daughter’s excitement and mask her own mounting frustration. “Ah.. yeah… wow! That’s great, Mari.. that’s quite a lot of stuff Val gave you,” Juliana said, not doing a great job of hiding the discomfort she couldn’t avoid feeling. “Thank you, Val! Thank you!!!” Mariana exclaimed before hugging Valentina and running off with Paola to try out the new game, leaving the other gifts thrown about the floor.

Juliana was bewildered by the excess all around her, with the wrapping paper strewn about and everyone opening several extravagant gifts exchanged among them. This scene, those gifts, and the bitter trace of Eva’s remarks made her increasingly uncomfortable and, for the first time, she wondered what she was doing with this family, in this world that seemed so incongruent with her vision and values for her and Mariana’s life.

As she tried to control her emotions and the many things running through her head, Valentina came closer to her with wrapped boxes in hand. “These are for you!” she said, holding out the gifts. Juliana looked up at Valentina blankly without grabbing for the boxes and Valentina instantly picked up on the Juliana’s less than jubilant demeanor. “Hey - what’s up?” Valentina said, dropping her bubbly smile and speaking low and closely to Juliana. Not only had Juliana not yet been able to fully process whatever it was she was feeling, but she knew that now was not the time or place to do it. She smiled thinly, “nothing. This is just… a lot,” she said, not offering anything further. Valentina frowned slightly, not understanding the issue. “Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom,” Juliana said before getting up and removing herself from the room, leaving Valentina confused and still holding the gifts as she watched Juliana leave the room.

\----------------

After muddling through the rest of the evening and the buffet of desserts, the trio said their goodbyes and headed back to Juliana’s home. On the ride back, Juliana sat silently in the passenger seat with her body pressed up against the car door, staring out the window and never at Valentina. Mariana fell asleep in the backseat, maxed out on chocolate and excitement, thankfully oblivious to the unspoken tension hovering in the front of the vehicle. Valentina drove with both hands on the wheel, white-knuckled and uncertain. She stole several glances to the passenger-side direction returning her eyes to the road, crestfallen, understanding that Juliana was not going to return her gaze. 

When they arrived at Juliana’s place, Juliana remained mute and simply exited the car to retrieve a sleeping Mariana from the backseat. She carried her to the front of the house where Valentina opened the door with her recently received present. They moved around each other in silence and Juliana proceeded to Mariana’s bedroom to settle her daughter into her bed. When she returned to the living room, she found Valentina standing in the doorway still with her shoes and jacket on, visibly unsure of her next move. 

Valentina fidgeted with the key to Juliana’s house between her hands. “I, uh. I guess I should uh…” Valentina stammered out, looking down at the floor to hide the tears welling up in her eyes. She didn’t know where they stood or how to fix whatever it was that she broke and fumbled for what to do next. “Here,” Valentina said, extending the key to Juliana. “I guess you’ll want this back,” she mumbled. Juliana looks down at the key and then back to Valentina without making any motion to retrieve it. “Val,” Juliana said, sighing. “I’m frustrated with you, not breaking up with you. Please put that key back on your keyring,” Juliana said flatly. Valentina flexed her jaw and bit the inside of her mouth, her eyes meeting Juliana’s and then dropping downwards again. She didn’t understand what happened or why Juliana was frustrated with her. In the silence, she realized they had never fought before, which made her panic even more.

“Juls - I’m… I never… I didn’t mean to offend you or overstep... Please - please tell me what’s wrong, tell me how to fix it,” Valentina said, almost begging, scared that whatever she did to upset Juliana was irreparable. Juliana sighed audibly, running her fingers through her hair. “Val… do you understand why I’m angry?” Valentina finally lifted her gaze to Juliana’s. She searched Juliana’s deep brown eyes for a moment before slowly shaking her head. She didn’t really. She knew it was something about the gifts, but she couldn’t understand why they would make her so mad. It was Christmas and they were Christmas gifts - what she missing? 

Juliana relaxed her shoulders and stepped forward to Valentina as she took a deep breath. She grabbed Valentina’s hands and brought them over to the dining room table to sit. “Sientate,” Juliana said. Valentina obediently sat in the chair, straight up and rigid at attention. “Val - those gifts were too much. Those kinds of gifts... I can never give you anything remotely similar, and it’s not necessary for Mari. I don’t want you to feel like you have to buy her love, or mine,” Juliana said. Valentina responded immediately. “Juls - I give gifts because I want to, because I can, and because I think they’re something the other person would enjoy - never because I expect ANYTHING in return! Do you really think I’m trying to buy your love? Is that what you think of me?” Valentina said with hurt in eyes.

Juliana didn’t really think that. She knew that wasn’t true and that wasn’t Val. But she was having trouble articulating what about all this made her so uncomfortable. “No, Val. I-” Juliana breathed in. “I don’t think that about you… I just. We never had Christmas’ like these when I was young or in any of the years of Mariana’s life. It’s so unfamiliar...and I don’t want her learning that Christmas means buying extravagant gifts or that she can always get every capricious whim fulfilled when she wants it,” Juliana said, trying to identify where the frustration was coming from. But as she spoke, it sounded more like her own insecurities surfacing than any meaningful criticism of what happened. More like her battling with the foreign concept of expendable money, spending for pleasure as if they were the spoiled rich kids she saw at the private schools in her old neighborhood. 

Valentina tried to hear what the other woman was saying. “I know it’s not the norm for you, and of course I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. But, this is also my way of expressing that I care about people - and sometimes, it’s ok to let yourself be spoiled by those who love you, Juls. Don’t you think so?” Valentina asked. 

Juliana looked at Valentina and back down at the table. _ Isn’t it ok? _ she thought. She looked back up to Valentina. “But I still need you to talk to me first before you make big purchases for Mari,” Juliana said, not completely realizing that, while this was somewhat about the values she held, it was also about control. “She and I already had this conversation. I get to make those decisions; she’s _ my _daughter,” Juliana said with more edge to her voice than she intended. Valentina shrunk away and looked down.

Juliana shut her eyes, immediately regretting her choice of words and tone. “Val - I. I’m sorry. I’m not… I’m not used to having a partner in all this,” she waved towards Mariana’s room. “But if you’re going to be that--” 

“I’m sorry - I should have asked,” Valentina said after taking in a shaky breath. “I want to be your partner in this, Juls. All of it,” Valentina said, searching Juliana’s face in front of her. Juliana didn’t respond immediately; instead she saw Valentina’s kind, wet eyes. She saw in her mind’s eye every time Valentina went out of her way to bring something she thought would make Mariana smile. The way she found her asleep in Mari’s bed when she offered to stay with a sick Mariana home from school when Juliana had to work. She saw the way Mariana’s face lit up around her.

Juliana softened and reached for Valentina’s hands. “Ok...that’s good because what I _ meant _ to say was, those are the kinds of things we need to agree on, together,” Juliana said, extending her olive branch while still holding Valentina’s stare. Valentina smiled softly. Valentina knew that her perception of money was allowed to her from a place of immense privilege. She knew this now, after having learned to work for it, learning to budget and sustain her business, and to save for her apartment. But, she also always had essentially limitless inheritance to fund her every desire when it came to putting a smile on the faces of those she loved. “Ok,” she said, nodding. “To be honest, I didn’t think to ask because I don’t always know what a ‘big gift’ is,” Valentina said bashfully. “But, I promise I’ll involve you in those decisions where Mariana is concerned,” Valentina added, knowing that regardless of her opinions on gift-giving, she was wading into new territory as a responsible co-parent. “Thank you,” Juliana said before leaning into Valentina’s space to kiss her. Valentina returned the kiss happily, bringing her hand up to hold Juliana’s face against her own. 

When she pulled away slightly, Valentina hesitantly added, “Maybe it’s not the best time after this conversation, but you never opened your gifts.” Juliana gave her an incredulous look but it was quickly followed by a deep breath and a slight smile. “Bueno. I know - I’m sorry - can I open them now?” Juliana asked. Valentina smiled instantly. “Of course,” she said as she jumped up to get them from where she left them by the front door. Juliana unwrapped the heavy box to reveal a beautifully carved large wooden box that contained a literal trove of high-end art materials. She ghosted her hands across the pencils and tools before looking up at Valentina. “Val, this--” she started, about to utter words about this being too extravagant when she stopped herself. “These are amazing, thank you,” she said, instead. Valentina continued to beam. “Yeah? I don’t really know much about art supplies but my 30-minute conversation with the guy at the store led me to believe these were the best available,” Valentina said. Juliana smiled at her. “Yes, mi amor. They’re the Carvajals of art supplies,” Juliana said. Valentina laughed. Juliana’s smile faltered slightly. “Hey, Val… what did your sister mean at dinner tonight when--” 

“No, please, Juls. Please ignore Eva. She gets weirdly protective of me and our family, and thinks everyone is just using us for something. As if everyone was as ruthless as she is. No one actually thinks that about you,” Valentina said, holding Juliana’s hands between her own, stroking her thumb across Juliana’s knuckles and pleading with her eyes for Juliana to believe her. “Ok,” Juliana said, not completely convinced. “I didn’t even know your family was so well-off until I showed up at your house this evening. Maybe because I’m not from here, but the Carvajal name has never meant anything to me,” she started to explain. “Juls - I know. Of course I know. Please don’t… you don’t have to justify this to me, or anyone else,” Valentina said. “I’m sorry she was so aggressive with you. The last person she saw me serious with was, in fact, not good for me, so I think she’s just a little protective of who’s occupying my time,” Valentina tried to offer with a small smile. Juliana nodded in response. “Ok,” Juliana said.

“Enough about Eva. There’s one more gift you need to open,” Valentina said. “More? Seriously, Val?” Juliana replied. “Ya, cállate,” Valentina said playfully as she handed her a small rectangular box. Juliana opened it to find a thin gold chain with a medium circle pendant hanging from the bottom, dotted with holes in an indecipherable pattern. She looked back to Valentina. “It’s a constellation - that one is my astrological sign,” Valentina said before pulling out a chain from underneath her own shirt. “And I have one with yours,” she said. “I saw them and it reminded me of you. And I kind of like keeping you with me wherever I go,” she added with a slight blush at her admission. Juliana warmed at the borderline cheesy gift; she truly loved it and did, in fact, want to keep Valentina with her all of the time. 

Juliana placed the gifts on the table and leaned forward to grasp Valentina’s face with both hands. She pulled her close and kissed her once and then again. “Gracias, mi amor. Me encanta,” she said, kissing her for a third time. She started to pull away but Valentina pulled her closer. With their lips still connected, Valentina slid Juliana off the edge of the chair and onto her lap into a side-saddle pose and wrapped her arms around Juliana’s waist. Juliana clasped her hands around Valentina’s neck and stroked her thumbs along her skin. “Do you think you can take this jacket off now?” Juliana asked. “Unless you’re thinking of leaving?” she added as she slowly slid her nose across Valentina's cheek towards her ear and back, making it abundantly clear that her departure was not at all what she wanted. Valentina’s skin erupted in goosebumps in response to the light touch and Juliana’s breath against her neck. She sank her fingers deeper into Juliana’s waistline. “Never,” Valentina breathed out in response before re-capturing Juliana’s lips between her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good Lord, this was a beast to write. I heard many of your comments about wanting to see them get through a fight, so this was my best shot. I found it really hard to write conflict for them because I just want them soft all the time, but obviously know that's not realistic in the least. This one felt real to their differing life circumstances in this fic - what did you think? 
> 
> Thank you all for your patience and for continuing to read and comment - I love reading them all!


	18. Like lightning fills the sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Make-up sex.

Some fights end quietly. Some quickly. Some end unresolved, perhaps with a truce called on an unrelenting carousel of an argument. And, if you’re lucky, some mark the start of the lifelong dance you do with a chosen few. Like this one for Valentina and Juliana, the first of many that awaited them as they brought their differing life paths together. 

And if you’re really fortunate, you might find yourself as they did in the aftermath of a resolution with a humming need to discharge that emotional connectedness, that heightened desire to touch, take, and give love to the person before you. Which is exactly how they found themselves in Juliana’s kitchen with Juliana frenetically tugging at Valentina’s coat. Valentina complied with the unspoken demands, removing one arm at a time in order to keep one wrapped around Juliana’s waist at all times. She ran through the mechanics on autopilot; all her conscious energy was focused on sliding her tongue against Juliana’s and sucking at her bottom lip. Valentina trailed her mouth across Juliana’s jaw in bites and kisses, eventually landing on the pulse point on her neck. Juliana let out an involuntary low moan at the feel of Valentina’s mouth locked on her skin. The sound reverberated through Valentina; she knew she needed more of her and knew it wouldn’t happen where they were. Barely breaking contact, Valentina placed an arm under Juliana’s knees and another behind her waist, stood up, and carried Juliana down the hall. 

Juliana, still grappling onto Valentina’s neck, broke the kiss when she felt Valentina rise. “Carrying me over the threshold?” Juliana said, continuing to kiss Valentina in between smiles. “Yes-” Valentina said before connecting their lips again. “Walking meant less of this,” she added in between kisses. They continued their intermittent laughter and kisses as they bumbled down the dark hallway to Juliana’s bedroom. Juliana blindly searched for the light switch on the wall behind Valentina’s head as her tongue continued vying for dominance. Once inside the room, Valentina kicked her heel backwards to close the door behind her; Juliana quickly caught it with her dangling foot before it slammed. “There’s a sleeping child here, remember?” Juliana said. “Ah, yes - good catch,” Valentina said as she used one hand to softly shut the door completely before quickly regaining her hold on Juliana with both arms. 

“Just remember that; I expect keeping quiet will become infinitely more challenging for you soon,” Valentina smirked at Juliana as she laid her down on top of the bed. She ran her hands up Juliana’s bare thighs. “I’ve been waiting all night to take this off you,” Valentina panted out as she came up against the hem of the dress. She slowly pushed it up past Juliana’s hips and kneaded her hands firmly to the fleshy part of her exposed skin. Juliana pushed back slightly and locked on to Valentina’s gaze. She arched an eyebrow, hands still on the sides of Valentina’s neck. “So what are you waiting for?” 

Valentina’s eyebrow twitched; she swallowed audibly, turned on by Juliana’s tone and lust-blown gaze. Without breaking eye contact, she sat Juliana up on the bed and slowly pushed Juliana’s hair to one side, not missing the chance to trail her fingers along the back of her neck. Moving at a deliberately slow pace, she leaned forward and grazed her nose against the exposed side of Juliana’s face while simultaneously gliding her hand to the zipper that sat against Juliana’s back. 

Juliana worked at the increasingly difficult task of controlling her irregular breathing. It grew ragged against the heat of Valentina’s breath on her neck and the sting of slow fingers sliding down her spine to unzip the dress. All hope was completely lost when Valentina licked upwards along the column of her neck, stopping to suck on her earlobe just as she met the end of the zipper. Valentina kept their bodies close as she faced Juliana and peeled away the dress. She threw it over her shoulder and took in the sight of Juliana in front of her, chest heaving, in nothing but her black lace underwear and bra. “Definitely the best gift I’ve unwrapped today,” Valentina said, raking her eyes over every curve.

Juliana was on fire under the weight of Valentina’s stare. She licked her kiss-rubbed lips and tried to regain some authority in the situation. She reached out from her place on the bed and began unbuttoning Valentina’s shirt. “As much as I liked this suit, I need you out of it right now,” she said as she worked at the buttons. Valentina removed her pants while Juliana finished with her shirt, and she was quickly left completely naked in front of Juliana. 

Juliana pulled Valentina to her with a hand behind her neck and wantonly reconnected their lips. She pulled Valentina downwards as she leaned back against the bed. Valentina helped Juliana scoot upwards towards the headboard without breaking the kiss. Juliana instinctively arched against Valentina when their bodies finally slid together, desperate for release against the full body inferno she was feeling. Valentina brought her mouth down to tongue Juliana’s nipples through the lace of her bra. She moved her free hand to the other and rolled the erect nipple between her fingers. Juliana relished the new sensation of the scratchy material against her sensitive skin. She clawed her fingers down Valentina’s arms as Valentina continued her southern trajectory of meandering, open-mouthed kisses down the length of Juliana’s torso. Her hands followed her lips’ path until they rested on Juliana’s hips. She gently pushed down against them to quiet their bucking and carefully looped her thumbs through the band of Juliana’s underwear. Valentina pulled the garment down slowly, keeping her mouth close behind. She paused when they sat at the top of Juliana’s mound and ran her tongue along the band line. “Val-” Juliana whined as her back bowed and hands tugged at the hair they were tangled in. 

Valentina smiled against Juliana’s skin; she knew Juliana’s tolerance for the teasing was reaching a breaking point, but she couldn’t help wanting to prolong it. She wasn’t sure she’d ever be satiated when it came to tasting every inch of Juliana’s skin. She lifted her eyes to meet Juliana’s stare boring down on her from above. Valentina kept her smile and her eyes locked on Juliana while she removed the underwear completely, throwing it to join the rest of the clothes on the floor. Almost immediately after, she buried her mouth against Juliana’s center, slowly running her tongue through the wet folds before sucking along Juliana’s outer lips. Juliana gyrated her hips against Valentina’s face as she tried to cover her own in a neighboring pillow to silence the escaping moans.

“Val,” Juliana panted out as Valentina used her fingers to spread Juliana’s lips apart further. Valentina licked up to Juliana’s clit and circled it repeatedly, oblivious to her name being called from above. “Val-,” she said again more firmly, this time tugging Valentina’s head up by her hair to make her look up. Valentina looked up with hazy eyes, absent-mindedly licking the taste of her girlfriend off her own lips. “I want you up here...I need you on top of me,” Juliana said. Valentina loved when Juliana told her what she wanted, that she understood that this was an exchange meant to be pleasurable for all and not for her to just go along with whatever Valentina decided to do. All Juliana knew in that moment was she needed the weight of Valentina to hold her down, to anchor her before she completely lost her head.

“Sure, baby.” Valentina maintained Juliana’s eye contact while she dragged her bottom lip across the length of Juliana’s labia before swiftly moving upwards to a position atop the almost breathless woman. She removed Juliana’s bra before settling completely, wanting to feel every inch of their skin in contact. Valentina kissed her deeply as their bodies connected at all points and writhed against one another. “Qué más quieres, amor? Tell me and it’s yours,” Valentina said in between kisses to Juliana’s lips, jaw, and neck. 

Juliana grabbed Valentina’s face with both hands and crashed their lips together, taking Valentina’s lower lip between her own and deepening the kiss in an instant. Juliana snaked her hand between their bodies and ran her fingers through Valentina’s wet folds. She separated just enough to utter, “I want your hands. I want all of you. Inside me - please -” Juliana continued to circle Valentina’s pulsating center, reveling in the reaction of Valentina’s fluttering eyes and parted lips. 

Valentina didn’t hesitate to fulfill her girlfriend’s wishes; she pushed two fingers inside Juliana and began a steady, unhurried rhythm in and out of the goddess beneath her. “Like that?” Valentina asked as she kissed her again. She pulled Juliana’s bottom lip between her teeth. Juliana, barely able to focus with how close she was to coming undone, determinedly stroked Valentina’s throbbing clit as she followed the thrusting of Valentina’s hips against her hand. 

“Oh God, Val. Yes - Yes -” Juliana soon gave up her ministrations, lost in the feeling of Valentina’s fingers undulating against the soft mass of tissue inside. There was nothing that compared to this - this slow, deliberate motion - that made her feel as if Valentina was coercing the orgasm out of her like a seasoned snake-charmer patiently performing their craft. She tucked her face into Valentina’s neck, trying to stifle the sounds that were spilling from her mouth. 

When it finally detonated inside of her, she found herself involuntarily and repeatedly rolling her hips against Valentina’s hand to ride out the orgasm rippling through her. Valentina, keyed up from her own teasing, climaxed on top of Juliana with her clit pressed up against her still-thrusting hands. They moved together until the last of the shudders stopped. 

Once their breathing steadied, Valentina removed her fingers from her girlfriend. She pulled back the covers and the two women weakly lifted themselves to slip under the sheets. They intertwined their limbs without speaking. 

Slowly, they let their bodies sink into the mattress beneath them and into the silence around them. 

“I love you,” Juliana whispered into the quiet. “So much.”

Valentina felt Juliana’s grip tighten on her waist. She pressed her lips to Juliana’s temple and filled her lungs with her scent. “Te amo, Juls,” Valentina whispered back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe I'm thirsty or just have trouble removing myself from this fic or both. Either way, I hope you enjoyed this brief interlude. 
> 
> The title is part of lyrics to a song by a singer named Jahn Sood who I caught opening for a queer artist I enjoy (Ezra Furman). I couldn't track down the song when I got home, but I believe the lyrics are:  
"You fill me up  
like lightning fills the sky."
> 
> And I don't think I've heard something so beautiful in a very long time.


	19. You're my river running high

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two years later, Juliana and Valentina find themselves starting new adventures together.
> 
> Title lyrics from "I Follow Rivers" by Lykke Li.

Juliana stared out her kitchen window, eyes trained on the flowers in full bloom with the late-Spring warmth. She held her mug of hot coffee between her hands and reflected back on a similar day 2 years prior where she made a decision that changed the course of her life. She laughed internally at what her brain chose to remember: Mari’s playmobil figures; her then barely-used journal of therapy exercises; and, vividly, the face of a blue-eyed fitness instructor staring back at her through her laptop screen before she signed herself up for that introductory class.

Now, she found herself watching that same blue-eyed woman hunched over the coffee table in her living room - their living room - helping her almost 10 year old daughter with her math homework. In this scene in front of her, she saw the person that became so much more than she could have ever imagined when she first walked into that studio. She saw a roommate and confidant, a lover and a partner. 

Valentina caught Juliana staring at her when she looked up from Mariana’s homework; she smiled broadly at her from her place on the floor and Juliana returned it in full. Juliana mouthed a silent “thank you” across the room, which was met with a quick wink in response. 

For her part, Juliana was in the midst of completing her final project for her last term at the School of Architecture at the  Universidad Nacional Autónoma de México . After much discussion (and a couple stormy moments from Juliana), she accepted a loan from Valentina to go back to school full-time to finish her degree. Between Perlita’s help and her mom making more regular visits, she was able to handle the time-consuming workload and was now barreling towards graduation a week away.

From her spot at the art supply-covered table, Juliana spoke. “Hey Val - want to go out this Friday night? My mom and Panchito can stay with Mari.” Juliana’s parents were flying in for the ceremony and Juliana was anxious to get some time alone with Valentina.

Valentina, separately eager to find time with her girlfriend, jumped at the opportunity. “Yes! That sounds perfect. What about that Italian place you love?” Juliana smiled again. “Me parece perfecto. Gracias amor,” she said before returning her attention to the 3D model she was working on.

Valentina, on the other hand, could barely focus. She tried hard to contain her rising pulse rate at the thought of their impending date, but failed. Everything was falling into place. She was happy to capitalize on her ‘in-laws’ being in town, but just hoped Guille would be able to get here before Friday. Her leg bounced uncontrollably as she tried to concentrate on finishing her homework help duty. 

By Thursday, Juliana picked up on Valentina’s unusual jitters. “Val, qué tienes? Por qué estás tan inquieta?” Juliana asked when she caught Valentina checking her phone for the 5th time in almost as many minutes. “No - nada, cielo… I’m just excited to see Guille. It’s been a while since we’ve gone out together.” Valentina smiled and walked over to Juliana cooking dinner by the stove. “Mmm - this smells amazing,” she inhaled deeply and made to dip a finger into the simmering pot. “Ya, morrita” Juliana slapped Valentina’s hand away. Valentina licked her finger and flashed a mischievous smile in Juliana’s direction. “Niña traviesa,” Juliana muttered just as Valentina’s phone began to buzz across the table.

Valentina practically dove for it and picked up before it could ring a second time. “Hola - Guille? Estás aqui?...Si… Uh-huh...Ok. Nos vemos.” She hung up the phone and quickly grabbed her things before placing a quick kiss to Juliana’s cheek. “Guille’s here. Adios, mi amor. I’ll see you later.” She left a quick kiss on Juliana’s lips and headed towards the door. “Goodnight Mari! See you in the morning,” she called back to Mariana. “Adios, Vale. Tell Guille I said hi!” Mariana called back. Valentina smiled and headed out the door. 

\-----------

“So - what do you think?” Guille said as he held open the square velvet-lined box. Valentina took it in both of her hands and reviewed its contents carefully. “Guille - it’s perfect,” she said, finally looking up at her brother. Her eyes were bright and her smile was radiant. “It’s exactly how I imagined it to be. Thank you so much for picking this up...No other jewlers in this city even comes close to Don Alirio.”

On his way back from his business trip on the coast, Guille picked up a ring that Valentina had designed. The natural lines of the metal work wrapped itself around a diamond and smaller gems of in the color of Mari’s birthstone. It was beautiful and unique and not overly flashy, all the things she thought Juliana was and would appreciate. 

“Did you decide how you’re going to ask her?” Guille asked, still smiling at his glowing hermanita. “Yes. Tomorrow. After dinner. She wanted to go out and it gave me the perfect excuse to plan the rest of the evening.” Valentina closed the box and tucked the ring in the inside of her bag. “That’s it? That’s all the detail I get?” Guille asked with wide eyes. Valentina simply smiled back at him. “Yup! Now - what are we eating? I am starving.” Guille laughed and shook his head before calling the waiter over for them to enjoy the rest of their evening together.

\---------

The next day, after welcoming Panchito and Lupe, Valentina and Juliana headed out to dinner to Juliana’s favorite Italian restaurant. It was elegant and spacious, which allowed them plenty of privacy to chat at their corner table. 

“Te ves muy hermosa, morrita,” Juliana said to Valentina after the server left them with their wine. “I haven’t seen you in those in a long time,” she added as she drew her eyes up the length of Valentina’s legs. Valentina, who needed her pockets more than usual this evening, opted for her most form-fitting black pants and stilettos with her hair pulled into a high ponytail; one of her best femme-fatale looks. “Gracias, mi amor. I know they’re some of your favorites. Just like you know  _ that _ is one of my favorites” Valentina smirked, referring to Juliana’s curve-hugging black dress. Between that and the way the loose tendrils of hair framed her face with her current up-do, Valentina still had to work to catch her breath when she saw Juliana dressed for dinner. 

She held Juliana’s equally amused stare before changing the subject. “So my smarty-pants. How does it feel to be a college graduate?” Valentina asked Juliana before taking a sip of her wine. “I’m not a graduate yet! Neta - It feels amazing.” Juliana was absolutely beaming. “Val…thank you so much. For everything - I couldn’t have done this without you.” A soft smile slid onto Valentina’s face. “Oh, my love. Of course you could have. But, I’m really glad I get to be here to see you do it. You know you have my support, always,” Valentina responded. Juliana nodded. “I know.” 

She dropped her eyes to her hands fiddling with the stem of her glass. Juliana cleared her throat before she continued to speak. “So...uh.. What are your thoughts on London?” Juliana asked awkwardly. Valentina furrowed her brow in confusion as she set down her wine glass. “It’s good...” she answered, drawing out the word in a sort of vocal ellipses. “A little grey… why?” she asked, narrowing her eyes a bit.

Juliana exhaled a shaky breath and reached out for Valentina’s hand over the candle-lit table. “Well. I... was offered a job today,” she started and noted Valentina’s face spring into a smile. “To work under one of the top architects in London for a year,” Juliana added before Valentina could speak. Valentina’s smile faltered slightly but was quickly lifted after a barely perceptible shake of her head. “Juls… es increíble. Estoy  _ muy _ orgullosa de ti,” she said as she squeezed Juliana’s hand. She thumbed the ring in her pocket with her other. 

Valentina swallowed thickly and asked in as even a voice she could manage. “Did you accept it?” she asked, looking back at Juliana. Juliana stared back, her smile fading. “You deserve all of this and more, Juls. You should take this job,” Valentina said, trying to smile through the flex in her jaw and the tears welling up in her throat. Juliana furrowed her brow and searched Valentina’s eyes rapidly before half-smiling and huffing out, “Without talking to you? And Mari? Are you crazy?” Juliana said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, that she would never make such a decision without involving her. 

Valentina felt foolish for ever thinking otherwise. She let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. “Right,” she smiled bashfully. “Ok… well… What do you want to do? What are you thinking?” Juliana was grateful for the comforting caress of Valentina’s thumb across the back of her hand. What was she thinking? That she would be lying if she wasn’t tempted by the prospect -- so enchanted with the idea that someone thought she was ready for such a prestigious role. And to live in London! And, of course, that she couldn’t fathom being anywhere without the woman in front of her; simply trying to imagine it caused a painful sinking in her chest that she had no desire to explore. 

Juliana sandwiched Valentina’s hand in between both of her own. “I mean - of course it’s a great opportunity. Terrifying. But also great,” she said with a soft smile. “But...it’s not that simple. I’m not going anywhere without you. And I know you can’t move; you just opened your new studio. And pulling Mari out of school right now… I don’t know...” she trailed off, averting her eyes.

Valentina instantly perked up. “Juls - all that stuff is workable. I can find more people to manage the studios in my absence. Lucia already took over the one downtown. And Mari would be fine - she would be so excited to see the Tower of London and eat her weight in chips.” She moved her free hand to lift Juliana’s chin so that she would meet her gaze. “Hey - I know it’s scary, but this could be so huge for your career. I’d be happy to go on this adventure with you,” Valentina said. 

Juliana’s heart was threatening to beat out of her chest. She was nervous and elated, and so incredibly thankful for this woman in front of her. This woman who suddenly seemed more excited than she was at the proposition. “Eee! Can you imagine us living in Europe?!” Valentina vibrated with excitement. 

Juliana lost herself in Valentina’s sparkling eyes and infectious enthusiasm as she had done so many times over the last two years. She could hardly believe the way in which Valentina supported her, barely blinking an eye at an opportunity to uproot their lives. Juliana felt an overwhelming urge to kiss her, to thank her, to devote herself to her. A devotion embedded in very different motives than any of her past relationships - familial, spousal, or otherwise. It wasn’t for approval or because she felt her self-worth depended on it, but because she wanted to give Valentina everything that she gave to her, ten-fold over. She wanted to put words to all the ways she wanted to be with her and know her and never let her go. What she wanted was--

“Marry me,” Juliana blurted out in something that was not quite a question or a demand. Valentina sat wide-eyed and mute as Juliana continued. “I love you. Mari loves you. I want all my adventures to involve you, Val. You…you make everything about my life better and brighter. Will you marry me?”

Valentina moved her mouth as if to speak but no sounds came out. Juliana waited with her bright eyes trained on Valentina, trembling slightly after surprising herself with the unexpected request. “I - Yes. Yes! Of course I’ll marry you,” Valentina finally answered. Juliana’s smile turned electric. 

Valentina quickly got out of her seat and slid into the booth next to Juliana on her side of the table. She kissed her deeply, holding her face with both hands while Juliana held tightly to Valentina’s waist. When Valentina finally pulled back, she kept their faces close and wrapped Juliana’s hands in her own. “I love you, but you should know that I’m kind of mad at you right now.”

Now it was Juliana’s turn to be stunned. “Wha…why?” she stammered out as her smile completely left her face. Her eyes darted back and forth across Valentina’s before shifting from Valentina’s face to the movement of one of her hands. She watched as Valentina extracted something from her pocket. 

“Because. You totally stole my thunder,” Valentina said, smiling, as she held out a ring to Juliana. Juliana’s hands shot to her mouth and her eyes popped in disbelief as she took in the ring. She admired its delicate diamonds and intricate metal-worked patterns before swinging her eyes back to Valentina’s irradiant face.

“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that you took the words right out of my mouth; you’ve left me speechless on many occasions,” Valentina said, smiling softly as she gazed deeply into the caramel brown eyes starting to glisten before her. She stroked Juliana’s cheek with the thumb of her free hand before taking hold of Juliana’s. “Juls - before I met you…I knew my life was not the brightest. But I could still see; I could function. I was getting by... I had no idea how dark it actually was, until…” she licked her lips and took a deep breath before continuing with more fervor. “Every one of your smiles, every time I heard your incredible laugh, it felt like...like tearing down an old boarded up window. Every time I kissed you or felt your body melt into mine, another window was cleared. And another, and another, until I suddenly found myself flooded with light… Everything was clearer. Everything was more colorful...more defined.” Valentina lingered on Juliana’s eyes for a beat before continuing. “Juls, you… you are the sun. I think I already have my answer, but I have to ask: will you marry me?”

With a few escaped tears streaming down her face, Juliana latched her hand to the side of Valentina’s face and closed the millimeters of remaining distance between them. “Yes,” she whispered into Valentina’s lips before kissing her again. “Yes. Yes,” she said repeatedly between kisses and the salty liquid on their lips. 

They eventually broke apart and into watery giggles. Valentina grabbed Juliana’s hand and shakily slid the ring on her finger. “Oh thank God it fits,” Valentina whispered in relief. Juliana laughed as she wiped away the remnants of the tears from her face. “Val - it’s beautiful. Thank you,” Juliana said, pausing to appreciate it on her hand. “I’m sorry I sort of ruined the moment for you,” she said, suddenly shy. “ No, mi amor - you didn’t ruin anything,” Valentina said quickly. “I was just really surprised!”

“Yeah, me too!” Juliana laughed. “I wasn’t planning to do that. But you… you were just being your usual amazing self and well...” she couldn’t stop smiling at Valentina. It was true that she hadn’t planned it. While Juliana was originally hesitant about marriage when they first discussed it as a hypothetical, she knew that her life and love with Valentina was so very different than with her ex-husband or what she saw with her parents. She had since learned and witnessed what it was to form a true partnership built on love and trust.

Before Juliana could say anything else, Valentina attacked her with quick kisses to her lips and face, eventually finishing in a tight embrace with her head buried in her favorite place: in the nook of Juliana’s neck. Juliana closed her eyes and hugged her back as she stroked Valentina’s long ponytail behind her back.

At some point, they remembered they were in a restaurant. They separated and surveyed their surroundings to find several smiling faces turned their way and a couple lifted champagne glasses in congratulations. The pair smiled back and quickly caught the attention of the waiter to get the check. 

“There’s one more place I want to take you before we head home,” Valentina said when she returned her gaze to Juliana. “Ok,” Juliana replied, still unable to wipe any amount of the giddy smile from her face. 

\--------

A brief car ride later, the pair found themselves sitting atop a small cliff overlooking part of the city. They got out and Valentina spread out a blanket from the trunk, complete with a few pillows to accommodate them on the grassy ground.

“This is where I  _ intended _ to propose. Before you beat me to it,” Valentina chided as they sat on the blanket and took in the fresh air and sights of the city at night. Juliana nudged Valentina’s shoulder with her own, smiling at her. “What a gorgeous view. All these hidden spots I never knew existed,” Juliana said looking back at the sight below. 

“I used to come here in high school and college when I needed to get away. When I missed my mom or just needed some space. And continued over the years when I just didn’t understand what I was doing with my life,” Valentina started. “God, so many mornings where I felt like absolute shit from whatever I got into the night before, I’d come up here and wonder what else was waiting for me. If life would ever be more than wanting to feel numb.”

Juliana looked over and studied Valentina’s face that was still looking up to the sky. “And? What did you find when you were here?” Juliana asked. Valentina turned to face her. “Quiet. Peace. A humbling sense of being so small against the millions of tiny bright lights that I could finally see in the night sky,” Valentina said, contrasting with what was invisible from the light-polluted city below. “And recently, I came up here as I sometimes do. To reflect. To talk to myself. Or, rather, to my mom,” she said turning her eyes upward. 

“Yeah? What’d you two talk about?” Juliana asked, watching Valentina’s profile. Valentina smiled, still with her face turned up to the sky. She let the silence hang between them for a few seconds before turning her face back to Juliana. “You.” Valentina returned Juliana’s soft gaze. “Truthfully? All I could think about was tying my star to yours, permanently. I told her that and she approved.” 

Juliana smiled to the point where her eyes crinkled. “I’m glad to hear that,” she said before leaning over and pushing her lips softly against Valentina’s. “I am so lucky to have you. And if your mom had anything to do with that, please tell her that I am forever grateful,” Juliana added, losing herself once more in Valentina’s gaze. 

They kissed each other under the moonlight, slowly, wrapping their lips together in a way that made Juliana feel at home and on fire and at peace all at once. She wasn’t sure how to hold all these feelings simultaneously without exploding, but she looked forward to a lifetime of trying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There were so many ways to go with this. What'd you think?


	20. El amor no es una perversión

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juliana and Mariana go to pick up Juliana's dress for the wedding after a rough day at school.

The months leading up to the wedding went by largely in a blur. In the midst of planning both a wedding and a move to another continent, Juliana worked hard to keep herself calm and her daughter as engaged as possible. The latter wasn’t particularly difficult, seeing as Mariana had been more involved from the start than Juliana realized. The morning after they got engaged, Juliana announced at breakfast that Valentina had asked her to marry her. In response, Mariana smiled widely at Juliana but immediately turned to Valentina. “You did it?! Finally! That was the hardest secret I’d ever kept!!!” Mariana beamed at Valentina. Valentina laughed out loud. “You did great, chica. Thank you for keeping my secret.” 

“Wait - what?! You knew??” Juliana’s eyes bulged in genuine surprise. “So much for never keeping secrets from each other!” Juliana joked with her daughter. “I had to ask her permission first, amor. It only seemed right,” Valentina chimed. It was an unexpected gesture that moved Juliana to no end; it seemed Valentina had always known from the start that, without Mariana’s approval, a future was not possible. 

Juliana was remembering that morning fondly as she waited for Mariana to get out of school one sunny day about a month before the wedding. Her mood shifted when Mariana arrived at the car, unusually sullen and irritated. 

Juliana noted something was wrong but couldn’t get the girl to open up on the way home. Her usual tricks of talking in the car or starting with a funny story from work wasn’t working. She tried a different approach. “Hey - I have to pick up my dress for the wedding. You want to stop at the shop with me?” Juliana asked her daughter, meeting her eyes in the rear-view mirror. 

“Whatever,” Mariana muttered and turned her eyes to look out the window. Juliana frowned. They pulled up to the store and Juliana parked the car but stopped short of getting out. She turned her body to her daughter in the backseat, instead. 

“What’s up, Mari? Maybe I can help?” Juliana offered. Mariana looked at her mom. “You can’t,” was all she responded before looking back out the window. Juliana chewed her lip and tried again. “How about you tell me and then we decide how much I can or can’t help…”

Mariana sighed. She looked at her mom and back down to her hands. “It’s just school… some kids at school,” Mariana started. Juliana waited a few silent seconds before speaking. “...Did something happen?” she asked, urging her daughter on. 

“Sort of… I was talking to Sofia about the wedding and some other girls overheard. When they understood that you were marrying another woman… they started to screech about how it was wrong and gross… that two women shouldn’t be together like that...” Mariana lifted her eyes briefly to Juliana’s face, just in time to see her nostrils flare; it was a look she knew well when her mom was trying to contain her building emotions. Her stomach churned; she worried that she’d upset her mom.

Mariana tried to continue quickly. “Sofia told them to shut up and I told them that they didn’t know what they were talking about. But it was too late; they already ran off to tell the rest of the class…” Mariana finished with another sigh and returned her gaze to the window.

Juliana fought to compose herself. To contain her mix of anger and heartbreak. And guilt. Feeling like she was responsible for the judgement her daughter was receiving. “I’m sorry that happened to you, Mari… people can be cruel - especially young girls for some reason...” Mariana wiped a stray tear from her face. “I know,” she responded, still looking down and not at her mom. Juliana paused before continuing, not entirely sure what the right next move was. “Do you want me to talk to your teacher? To--” 

“No, mami. Please don’t,” Mariana said, now meeting Juliana’s eyes again. Juliana fought to steady her breathing. She hated feeling powerless against something hurting her daughter. “It will just make it worse. The teacher...she seemed like she didn’t know what to say... she just told everyone to be quiet and went back to the lesson.”

Juliana’s frown remained as she fought to soften. “Ok… you know there’s nothing wrong with our family, right?” Mariana nodded. “Lo sé, mamá. I don’t think that.” 

Juliana looked out the window to the dress shop for a moment before turning back to Mariana. “We don’t have to do this now. Would you rather just go home?” Juliana asked. Mariana shook her head. “No. I want to see your dress,” she said with a small smile. It broke Juliana’s heart even more, to see her daughter trying to put on a braver face. She smiled back at Mariana and reached out for her hand. “Thanks for telling me, Mari. I love you and I am always here to listen - even if I can’t always help right away.” Mariana nodded, “I know, mamá. Te quiero tambien.” Juliana kissed her daughter’s hand quickly and the pair exited the car. 

\---------------

In the shop, a bubbly young worker with a nose ring and an undercut introduced herself and jumped up to retrieve Juliana’s dress for final adjustments. While Juliana changed into the dress for the fitting, the woman helped find some dresses for Mariana to try on. 

Once dressed, Juliana looked at her reflection in the floor-length mirror. The brightness of the sunshine yellow dress rivaled only that of her smile. She opted for a non-white dress. This was for a lot of reasons - because she liked color, but also because she liked that she could do whatever the hell she wanted with this wedding. It was, in the end, for her and Valentina, and no one else. 

Mariana came over with her hands full of options to try and smiled widely at her mom, meeting Juliana’s gaze through the mirrored reflection. “Mami - you look like the sun!” Juliana smiled even more broadly somehow, reminded of Valentina’s words. “Gracias, cielito. Did you find some things you like?”

“Yes! Graciela was super helpful. I think you’ll like her,” Mariana said as she scurried into the dressing room to try on her choices. Graciela, as Juliana just learned she was called, came over to where Juliana was standing. “Wow! This looks amazing on you!” Graciela said as she looked Juliana from top to bottom. “Please - stand up here while I make some final adjustments,” the young seamstress said, motioning to a small platform in front of the trifold mirror. Juliana couldn’t help the slight blush that hit her face. “Thank you,” she said as she complied with the request.

Graciela pulled and pinned as Mariana revolved in and out of the dressing room in different dresses for her mother’s review. The atmosphere was joyful and Juliana was happy for the shift in mood from their car conversation. 

As she continued to alter in various places, Graciela looked up at Juliana and met her eyes through the mirror. “So, what’s your fiance wearing? I have some suggestions for what would go super well with this dress. If you’re interested.”

Juliana stiffened. She hated this feeling, the uncertainty of whether she should evade the question or accept the consequences of revealing that her fiance was a woman. She remembered the conversation she and Val had years prior (and in various ways since) about coming out over and over again. She did her usual rapid evaluation of the situation and its possible outcomes. Perhaps presumptuously, she decided that, because this woman was young and seemed a little fringe herself, it was safe to be honest. “Um,” she started before clearing her throat. “She’s wearing a turquoise suit. She… isn’t a big fan of dresses.”

Graciela met Juliana’s eyes in the mirror before responding with a smile. “That’s awesome! That color combination will look incredible. Please send a picture for our boutique!” Juliana let out a breath, relieved to find that her intuition was on point. “Sure,” she replied, returning the smile through the mirror.

Juliana looked to her left and caught Mariana smiling back at her in a festive spring dress. “Mi amor - look at you! Is that the one you like?” Mariana nodded quickly. “Si, mami. Can I get it?” she asked with a twirl. Juliana flashed a side smile. “Claro que sí. It fits you perfectly!” 

They finished up with their purchases before heading towards the door. As they were leaving, Graciela called out to the women with Juliana’s dress draped in her arms. “This will be ready next week. And remember - send your fiance along if she needs any last minute items!” Juliana smiled and thanked her before exiting the store completely.

She was still smiling when she and daughter settled into their car. “She was pretty cool, huh mama?” Mariana asked. Juliana met her daughter’s eyes in the rear-view mirror. “She was! Are you glad we came?” 

Mariana nodded. “Yes. And she didn’t think it was weird at all that you are marrying a woman,” Mariana added pensively. Juliana turned her body around to face her daughter. “Nope… you know, I get nervous sometimes telling new people. Never knowing how they’ll react… but you go with your instincts, and try to be as truthful as you can. Many times, people surprise you with how not a big deal it is.” Mariana nodded again, processing her mother’s words.

“Do you think she’s gay?” Mariana asked. Juliana laughed lightly. “I have no idea. But you know - it’s a lot of younger folks like Graciela - like you - who are changing this conversation. By being more open, by being outspoken allies. It’s powerful.”

“Yeah, I guess so… but why is it like this? Why can’t everyone just leave other people to be who they are?” Mariana asked. Juliana flashed a sympathetic smile. “No sé, mi amor. I wish it was.” Juliana sighed. “I know it sometimes feels like we’re in a really unfair world. And it can be at times. But it’s also changing. Maybe slower than we’d like and more in certain places than others... but it is. And I like to focus on that.”

“Like with the US Women’s national futbol team? Those girls are awesome!” Mariana chimed. She loved watching soccer and especially loved watching the USWNT, even when they were dominating over Mexico. She remembered sitting with her mom and Valentina in their living room, watching Kelley O’Hara kiss her girlfriend after winning the World Cup; she remembered feeling happy in that moment without being able to explain why. She realized now it was maybe because she never saw that outside of her own home, nevermind about on television.

“Yeah - like that!” Juliana laughed. “And even here in Mexico - there’s a Pride parade now, which had an incredible turnout last year. And, believe it or not, there are award-winning telenovelas with central gay and lesbian characters. Telenovelas that all the abuelitas are watching!” Juliana said.

Mariana laughed, too. “Wow, I didn’t know that.” She paused and looked down briefly before speaking again. “Mami - I’m sorry some people can be mean about who you love. I don’t understand why anyone would think love is bad.” 

Juliana reached over the center console to hug her daughter in the backseat. “Ya sé, mija. It’s usually because they’ve been very misinformed or are scared of something they know nothing about…. Pero, óyeme - el amor no es una perversión. Nunca. I want you to know that. And I also want you to know that you can always come talk to me or Val if you ever need to… this isn’t something for you to have to navigate alone, ok?” Mariana nodded again. “Sí mami. Lo sé.”

\-----------

A month later, Mariana was proudly bringing rings up to her mom and Valentina as they stood under a broadly branched tree at a Carvajal family-friend’s vineyard. The two women said their vows in front of their immediate family and friends on a brightly lit summer day. It was all the things that made them happy and feel supported in the way they most deserved. It not only ceremoniously marked a more formal bond, but also a way of living a life out loud. 

Before leaving for London, Juliana made a point to send a photo of herself and Valentina on their wedding day to the boutique where she bought her dress. In it, she was looking straight at the camera with a huge smile and her bouquet-holding arm up in the air in celebration. Next to her was Valentina in profile, smiling broadly at Juliana. On the back, she left a simple message:

_ Thanks for making me shine on one of the happiest days of my life. _

She’d never return to that store to know it, but that photo hung center on the wall alongside photos of their other clients for the next 30 years before going out of business. She would also never know the number of people, young and old, who were changed by having seen it there. Who saw themselves represented for maybe the first time in their lives. Or, who simply needed a reminder that their love - like all love - was something to be celebrated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This idea wouldn't leave me for some reason, so here's this mother-daughter bonding chapter. I, sadly, have less time to write with all the quarantine craziness, but wanted to get something out there. I hope you're all staying in and staying safe.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I'm in awe of and forever grateful to fic writers. I hope this story brings comfort or joy or some sort of escape to someone in the way that a lot of fic brings me. Feedback and comments are much appreciated. Find me on Twitter @Pizzachurro or Tumblr @coffee_and_kadena


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